The Many Lives Of Mami Tomoe
by Sheo Darren
Summary: Kyubey is not the only entity out there that can grant a second shot at life. What if someone else beat him to Mami? Everything turns upside down, that's what. 11-11-14: Rewrote ELSEWORLDS chapter. Next pending chapter: REIGN OF FIRE.
1. RIDER

"Mami Tomoe here. A senior at Mitakihara Middle School, just like you two. And... I'm a Puella Magi that has made a contract with Kyubey."

This is how Mami Tomoe introduces herself to Madoka Kaname and Sayaka Miki every single time, as Homura Akemi can expertly testify to. Kyubey got to Mami early. He set her up the bomb good.

But, if you think about it, Kyubey is not the only entity out there that can grant a second shot at life. Perhaps he's just the one who got to Mami first.

What if someone else beat him to Mami? And how will the other girls be affected?

And so, like a flower in bloom, the many lives of Mami Tomoe unfold...

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**THE MANY LIVES OF MAMI TOMOE**

(a.k.a. Mami's Good Ends)

_A Puella Magi Madoka What If? Anthology_

**Disclaimer:** Madoka is not mine. She is Homu-Homu Moemura's. And Mami's. And Mami's Mammies. And Charlotte's. And Sayaka's. And Kriemhild Gretchen's.

**Dedication:** For **Person With Many Aliases**, as an indirect apology for flaking out over his Madoka fics (because I honestly suck at emotional trauma control and face-to-face apologies). He is an awesome writer. Read his stuff.

Also to my friend **Jun**, my fellow fan of Mami and Homu-Homu.

Finally, inspired by **ZipCode** and his Puella Magi Madoka Magica in story.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Story First**

RIDER

.

_It's said that the West was built on legends. Tall tales that help us make sense of things too great or too terrifying to believe._

_This is the legend of the Ghost Rider._

_The story goes she made a deal to save someone she loved. She'd be normal during the day, but at night, in the presence of evil, the Rider takes over._

_The thing about legends is... sometimes, they're true._

.

Searing hot steel coiled around Kyubey. The burning chains dragged the Incubator towards their wielder. Bony fingers clamped around the alien's head and hauled him up.

A human skull wreathed in fire would not have looked askance between the shoulders of a Witch. But this was not a Witch. Witches did not kill other Witches with hideous strength and unnatural fire, fire that could defy the impending heat death of the universe, fire from another universe.

"Kyubey." The skull's raspy voice somehow sounded feminine. "Your soul is stained with the blood of the innocent."

Its empty eye sockets filled with fire whose heat Kyubey could somehow experience within his body, his real body.

"Feel their pain."

Burned into his sight were all the human girls who became Puella Magi and Witches because of him.

Charlotte. Sayaka Miki and Oktavia von Seckendorff. Kyouko Sakura. Walpurgis Nacht. Madoka Kaname and Kriemhild Gretchen. Homura Akemi throughout her countless loops in time. And-

Who was Mami Tomoe?

.

_An eleven-year old girl wept beside her bedridden father. She was approached by the_ [destroyer of the good, Kyubey translated], _the leader of all the_ [spirits, an equivalent of Witches]. _The_ [destroyer of the good] _made an offer similar to Kyubey's. It would heal the girl's father in exchange for the girl's soul. The girl agreed. A deal was struck. The father made a miraculous recovery. He treated his ecstatic daughter and wife to their favorite restaurant._

_Driving home, their car crashed. The girl's father and mother died. The girl was unharmed. Her despair over her survival was absolute._

_Kyubey was professionally impressed by the_ [destroyer of the good]_'s double cross. This girl would have been a significant installment in the payment of the heat debt of the universe._

_But the_ [destroyer of the good] _didn't care for her despair. Instead, it turned the girl into its_ [rider, the entity's approximate of a Witch that served as a Puella Magi]. _The girl was ordered to_ [no approximate available] _other_ [spirits] _to where they came from, a place called_ [the Valley of the son of Hinnom].

_Finally, the_ [destroyer of the good]-

**"And I beheld Satan as he fell from Heaven! Like lightning!"**

_-was satisfied. "Congratulations, Mami. You upheld your end of the bargain. It's time I take back the Ghost Rider. You get your life back. There are more deals to be made. More people willing to give their souls for what they desire. Let someone else carry this curse. You're free now." It smiled. "After all... a deal's a deal."_

_The girl stared at the inhuman being who took the form of an old human Westerner. She thought of the people who could have been her friends and one who could have been her true love. And she remembered her parents, her father saved from a slow death only to be foully murdered before her very eyes._

_She pointed at him with her right hand. Flames peeled her skin and flesh away. Only bleach white bone remained. Her brown eyes burned with the same fire, fire that surpassed the pyrokinesis Kyubey granted several Puella Magi, a fire that did not adhere to the physics of this world but instead resembled that of a Witch's Barrier._

_"No," the girl swore. "I shall own this curse. And I shall use it against you. Whenever innocent blood is spilled, it shall be my parents' blood. And you will find me there, a spirit of vengeance, fighting fire with fire."_

_And she mounted her pet pony, the last gift she had received from her parents, now a skeletal carcass with a mane of fire and hooves of molten steel and a heart of glass like hers._

_"Let's ride."_

.

Incubators had discarded their emotions aeons ago. They had forgotten what joy or sadness or regret or fear felt like.

A cask of wine, left empty and dry for so long, will burst open if filled anew.

This fate was deemed appropriate penance.

"Nooo!"

Kyubey's eyes were no longer ruby red buttons. Instead, they had become scorched orbs of magma, unseeing, unfeeling.

The Incubator was dropped, forgotten. The skull turned on the terrified Sayaka and the confused Madoka.

"You..."

A finger indicted them.

"Innocent..."

As it stalked away, Madoka found the courage to blurt out "Who are you?", causing the skeleton to stop.

"I am the one who walks between both worlds."

The fire enclosing its skull flickered out. Flesh enfolded bone. Skin stretched across muscle. Golden hair grew out of the bare scalp. When the rider turned, Madoka and Sayaka saw that the skeleton rider had turned into a girl not much older than them, with princess curls and warm brown eyes and a pleasant smile.

"I am Ghost Rider," Mami Tomoe said simply.

.

_It's said that the West was built on legends. And that legends are a way of understanding things greater than ourselves. Forces that shape our lives, events that defy explanation. Individuals whose lives soar to the heavens or fall to the earth. This is how legends are born._

.

"Mami is so cool," Madoka gushed. "I want to be just like her..."

Nearby, Homura Akemi shuddered. Not if she could soft load her last save state, Madoka won't!

In Hell, Mephisto shuddered. He'd rather his infernal domain freeze over first, heat death of the universe be damned. One Ghost Rider was bad enough!

In Heaven, Tyrael grinned inside of his cowl. This was going to be so much better than his Soul Gems. (And yes, the Incubators totally stole that idea from him. Turnabout is fair play.)

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Notes:** Featured Ghost Rider movie.

A brief quote from the Street Fighter live-action movie with Raoul Julia (Insert "Of course!" here) which is in turn taken from Luke 10:18 of The Good Book.

Lines enclosed by brackets are English translations of names of concepts that an alien like Kyubey wouldn't understand the way Christian humans would. Have fun uncovering the original words!

Carter Slade has one of the coolest horses, ever. And since Mami is a rich girl, it stands to reason she gets a pony. Which is now hellish. And cool.

In searching for a way to punish Kyubey, I realized that all other options (like a certain Imagine Breaker boy's right hand or Caster's Rule Breaker from Fate Stay/Night) were too physical. I extrapolated that the little white git ought to still have a soul, what with creating the Soul Gem and all. And just what attack do we know that makes a soul suffer?

The Puella Magi's Soul Stones remind me a lot of the ones in from Diablo. Maybe Witches can be farmed for Set and Unique items. Anyone got a Cathan's Staff?

* * *

><p>Up Next!<p>

**Second Story**

"I am a heroine of justice! Trace, on!"


	2. HEROINE OF JUSTICE

In the light of the destruction of the Holy Grail and the subsequent catastrophe wrought upon Fuyuki City, it was understandable that a mere car accident would go unnoticed.

Not to one Emiya Kiritsugu, though. After all, he was a Hero of Justice.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**THE MANY LIVES OF MAMI TOMOE**

(a.k.a. Mami's Good Ends)

_A Puella Magi Madoka What If? Anthology_

**Disclaimer**: Madoka is not mine. She is Umi-tentei's character design. Umi-tentei is wuv.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Story Second**

HEROINE OF JUSTICE

.

Three years later...

"I am a heroine of justice! Trace, on! Let's go, Tora-shinai!"

And Mami Emiya proceeded to beat the crap out of Gertrude with magically-created copies of a certain demonic wooden practice sword that would not rest until it tasted blood, a phantasm beast sealed by the Fujimura family using a black-and-yellow tiger strap.

Even Sayaka felt bad for the Witch.

.

"You're not a Puella Magi," Homura accosted Mami over a cup of tea. "How did you get into the Witch's Barrier in the first place?"

"Oh, so that is what you call the Type Witch's Bounded Field? Tohsaka-senpai taught me how to penetrate Bounded Fields like these." Mami assumed a thoughtful stance that would forever be called the Emiya Lecture Position Number One. "Although, to be accurate, these Barriers are more like Reality Marbles. Since Type Witches were originally human like you and me, such a capability means they are Divine Spirits. Then again, I remember that Divine Spirits can turn into Elementals if they are no longer worshipped. If that train of thought is correct, or if the Type Witches are actually Elementals, then the Barriers are actually Marble Phantasms. But considering your theory about them being the creation of the Type Kyubey, which is not a creature of Gaia but an alien from another World Egg-"

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Tomoe-san," Homura hated to concede before Miss Exposition could get really warmed up.

.

Speak of the Counter Force, even Homura (and the time-travelling Puella Magi thought she had seen it all) was confused when an older version of Mami with bleach white hair, a really hot tan, mammies that put Mami's to shame, and Chinese dao swords appeared.

"Archer?" Mami exclaimed. "You're a Counter Guardian?"

"Drown in your ideals and die!" TOMOE declared as she attacked her younger self.

Aside, Homura secretly worried that this kind of paradox just might happen to her one day...

.

As one may expect, this eventually led to a Mirror Match with lines ripped straight out of the Fate Stay Night entry in TV Tropes.

"I want to save everybody!" Mami, her clothes reduced to sexy shreds, declared.

"That is both a logical contradiction and a denial of the self," was the cold retort of the similarly, practically nude TOMOE.

(Oddly enough, neither of them were wounded, battle damage appearing to be Sekirei or Ikki Tousen style.)

"But the ideal encompasses an aesthetic that makes the endless journey worth it. Why can't I selfishly pursue selflessness?"

"... that is a very good point you've made there..."

"Thank you, Archer, I couldn't have realized it without your help."

"You are welcome, Mami."

.

After Homura informed them of the approaching Walpurgis Nacht, TOMOE immediately developed a plan. "You're going to need more prana," she told Mami, "If you're going to use our- your take on our Reality Marble."

TOMOE gave Madoka a knowing looking. The confused Mami followed her future self's gaze.

Eternally curious and helpful, Madoka asked "How can I help?"

TOMOE grinned as she replied "Prana transfer through a tantric ritual."

Mami blushed.

Madoka looked confused. "Is that magecraft's euphemism for hot lesbian sex?" she asked in all innocence.

Mami steamed.

"No," Homura hissed possessively.

"C-can I join?" Sayaka timidly asked.

"Sayaka!" Homura accused while Mami resembled the cutest blonde-topped tomato in the world.

"Only if I get to join, too!" Kyouko butted in. "I have dibs on Sayaka's butt!"

"Kyouko!" Sayaka joined Homura in yelling at the redhead as well as joining Mami's blush party.

"I'll trade you Mami's princess curls for your butt..."

"Deal!" Sayaka had always adored Mami's interesting hairstyle.

"Sayaka!"

"Can I have your mammies, Mami-san?" Madoka shyly asked.

"Et tu, Madoka?" Homura looked betrayed.

"I'll do you one better, Kaname-san," TOMOE stated. "I need a prana boost, too." After gesturing to her own vast tracts of land, she smirked at Homura. "Akemi-chan, since my younger self and I will be making a Madokawich, you can have Kaname-chan's milk all to yourself."

"Homura-chan," Madoka worried, "Your nose is bleeding..."

.

And so!

"We are the bone of our swords! Steel are our bodies and fire are our blood! We have created over a thousand blades!"

"Unknown to death nor known to life!" / "Unaware of loss nor aware of gain!"

"Have withstood pain to create many weapons!" / "Withstood pain to create weapons, waiting for one's arrival!"

"Yet, those hands will never hold anything..." / "I have no regrets. This is the only path..."

"So, as I pray-" / "My whole life was-"

**"Unlimited Blade Works!"** Mami and Archer vowed as the unlimited armory of their shared Reality Marbles burned away Walpurgis Nacht's Barrier. "Here we come, Night of Witches." Shining swords appeared in their hands. "Do you have enough despair at your disposal?"

"Mami-san and TOMOE-san, you're so awesome!" Madoka gushed. She clasped Caliburn, the Golden Sword of the Victorious, the Sword In The Stone, The Sword That Chooses, which she had drawn from its stone pedestal and wielded one-handed with no effort whatsoever.

Homura drooled at the sight of the new once-and-future king of Britain while cradling Hercules' Nine Lives reconfigured as a 9-tube rocket launcher.

Sayaka held Durandal above her head. "I am Sayaka Miki! And I... have... the poweeeerrr!"

"I want!" Kyouko squealed as she rubbed her cheeks up and down Gae Bolg's unyielding length. "I sooo do want!"

"I am in despair," Kyubey groaned, a state ironically brought about by the last phantasm of humankind's hopes and dreams as crystallized by the planet into a wave motion sword.

**"EXCALIBLAST!"**

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Notes:** Featured Fate Stay/Night.

Mami is essentially Fate route Shirou who later learned magecraft from Rin.

I exercised creative license with TOMOE appearing as herself instead of being directly controlled and powered by Alaya. At the time she arrived in-story, she didn't need to go full Counter Guardian yet, and with everyone else's help, she wouldn't need to. To put it succinctly: Rule of Cool.

As noted in the story itself, I lifted lines from TV Tropes. Plagiarism: the original rule of scholarship (made of gold; probably owned by Gilgamesh. Our things are his things.)

Excaliblast (or Excalibur as it is properly called XD) requires a lot of prana, else it will kill the user. Luckily, Madoka alone has huge amounts of prana to share XD

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Next

**Story Third**

"Mistilteinn Kick!"


	3. MAGICALLY ARMED GIRL

"They're late," Kyubey noted dispassionately. The Tomoe family vehicle should have arrived minutes ago for its scheduled accident and the birth of a new Puella Magi. "What could have delayed them?"

.

In her family's apartment, the last thing a dying Mami glimpsed was her murderer's profile. "P-p-ponytail..."

.

[Don't die.]

Mami could have sworn she was hearing Yukari Tamura urging her to live. Was she going to get befriended? That was a nice last thought. She didn't have many friends. In fact, she had none, the one thing she lacked.

Her world brightened. So this was what getting Starlight Breakered in the face was like. It was surprisingly pleasant. No wonder Nanoha-chan had so many friends. But why was it a kaleidoscope of colors instead of pure pink annihilation?

When Mami woke up, she found her pretty head resting upon the lap of an pale-skinned, red-eyed girl whose sky blue hair fluttered in the evening breeze.

"Yuu..."

Eucliwood Hellscythe. A cute mute girl Mami had met outside a convenience store. A girl wearing a knight's armor over a fluffy dress.

Memories flooded back. First and foremost was the abruptly painful sensation of having been impaled with extreme prejudice. And... a ponytail.

"Am I alive?" Mami groaned.

Yuu shook her head. She held up the small notebook she used to convey her thoughts. [You're dead] was written on it.

Only then did Mami spot the blood-red scythe beside Yuu. She shuddered. It rather reminded her of the cursed spear that had claimed her life. "Are you a grim reaper?" she made herself ask.

Again Yuu answered with a shake of her head and a note. [I made it so that you can't die.]

"What do you mean? What are you?"

[Necromancer.]

Mami knew that word. It denoted a wizard who could raise the dead from the grave and control these living dead. But there was no such thing as magic, right?

_But people die when they are killed._

[Do not worry.] Yuu flipped to the next page. [I will stay with you.]

And that was how Mami became a zombie.

As for how she became a Magically-Armed Girl? That's an different chainsaw altogether.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**THE MANY LIVES OF MAMI TOMOE**

(a.k.a. Mami's Good Ends)

_A Puella Magi Madoka What If? Anthology_

**Disclaimer:** Madoka is not mine. The Figma I pre-ordered was the Homu-Homu Moemura one, after all. And Mami Mami and Sayaka's Figma will be next.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Story Third**

MAGICALLY-ARMED GIRL

.

Being a zombie was good and bad. Good because it meant Mami survived being impaled on foot-long claws and having her body ripped in half by a pink chainsaw. Bad because it still hurt. A lot.

Haruna had an ahoge instead of a ponytail and used a chainsaw instead of a spear, but Mami was understandably reluctant to remove the self-proclaimed Magically-Armed Girl from her list of suspects. Especially when said Magically-Armed Girl began kicking her in the face after suffering a wardrobe maulfunction. Obviously someone hasn't seen Negima and known to be careful of memory erasure spells.

As one can expect, Haruna lost her Magically-Armed Girl powers to Mami. Which leads to this:

CRACK

"Mami-san! Your arm! Your arm!"

Said limb, whose fist had sent Gertrude flying with an almighty Falcon Punch, flopped in three places. That's what one gets when pushing the human body way past designed limits.

"Oh. Ouch." Mami managed to make her wince ladylike. "But do not worry, girls. I'm a zombie. Oh, and a Magically-Armed Girl. So please do not try this at home."

"Mami!" Haruna tossed her the chainsaw.

"Thank you, Haruna-chan!" The word MAMI appeared on either side of the guide bar. "Let's go, Mistilteinn!" Mami yanked on the starter cord. Her entire body vibrated along with the power tool. "Htaed fo egnirb a m'I, mrach dna ssenilevol ym etipsed!" (Despite my loveliness and charm, I'm a bringer of death!)

Cue the frilliest, laciest magical girl transformation ever. And then Mami took it up to eleven with her subsequent power-up.

"Accessing a thousand percent of a human's strength!"

Complete with appropriate increase in frills. The formula Frills = Cute = Magical Girl Power says it all. Frills of justice make the magically-armed girl.

"Uwaaaahhh!" Madoka squealed. "Mami-san is getting even cuter!"

"Finishing move!" Mami soared- no, rocketed into the sky, leaving sonic booms in her wake. She came down just as swiftly, cartwheeling most gracefully. "Mistilteinn Kick!" she called out as the magic chainsaw brutally bisected Gertrude from scalp to crotch.

"That's not a kick!" the poor Witch actualy wailed before it died.

Madoka and Sayaka ran over to their savior. "Kyaaah! Mami-san, you're awesome!" Then: "Iyaaah! Mami-san, your arms! Your arms! They fell off!"

"Oh, my... Madoka-chan, Sayaka-chan, can I ask you two to pick up my arms for me?"

.

Coming home from Witch-hunting, our weak-hearted protagonist finds her usual fantasy waiting for her.

"We're home, Yuu!"

The necromancer held up a notepad. [Make me tea, Mami.]

"Of course!"

Mami would never be alone for the rest of her unlife.

.

"I knew it!" Sayaka accused Mami's murderer. "I just knew you were a psychopath!"

Kyouko sneered at them. "Gee, I wonder what clued you in to that?" The renegade Magically-Armed Girl licked at the blade of her cursed crimson spear.

"That is SO unhygienic," Mami muttered, remembering all too well how Kyouko had stabbed that same spearhead through her body while yelling "Gae Bolg!", a battle cry that sounded, well, gay. Who would use such a creepy phallic weapon in battle, anyway?

.

Cu Culainn, Counter Guardian EMIYA, Gilgamesh (who owns the original Gae Bolg before it became famous; made of gold, of course), Shirou "King of Swords" EMIya from Gabriel Blessing's Hill of Swords, Mami Emiya, Counter Guardian TOMOE, and The Many Lives Of Mami Tomoe Chapter 2's Kyouko Sakura all sneezed.

.

Don't worry, Kyouko fans. She got better. It took a Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but Mami befriended her good.

Sayaka and Madoka later became Magically-Armed Girls, too. The former used a fire extinguisher ("Wait, what?") and the latter a first aid kit ("Does this make me a night shift nurse?")

As for Kyubey...

"You dung beetle... Hidden Technique: Return of the Swallow."

Who knew Homura Akemi was actually a vampire ninja?

.

**Notes:** Featured Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka. Called back to the previous chapter.

Yukari Tamura voiced Yuu/Eu in the Drama CD. Might do a Stardust Witch Meruru chapter later. OreImo needs more luv.

Used the Mistilteinn spelling instead of the more common Mysteltainn.

Hill of Swords is awesome! It inspired Chapter 2, after all!

Totally copied the Night Shift Nurses mention from Person with many aliases.

.

Next

**Story Fourth**

"Now, let me show you what happens when a lady goes out of control."


	4. OUT OF CONTROL

"Now, let me show you what happens when a lady goes out of control."

At times like this, Kyubey almost remembered how to hate abusive precursor races that weren't his own.

In their search for a solution to the impending heat death of the universe, the Incubators stumbled across a blue-white planet called Earth populated by a race who called themselves humans. Pleased to find a race with minds so easily manipulated and a vast capacity for despair, they implemented their plans for Instrumentality. By the time someone consulted the old archives they inherited from their Creators, it was too late.

The Incubators were not the oldest race in the Universe. Neither were they the first to develop plans for the Human race.

The Uranus -'Skyfathers' in their native tongue- once ruled the universe. They were master manipulators who uplifted many races such as the ones who would one day rename themselves Incubators.

Half a billion years ago, they settled a planet they called Gaia, 'Mother Earth'. They sought the perfect biological weapon, a powerful species with a natural aptitude for combat. They created the dinosaurs, and they were also the ones who destroyed the terrible lizards when their creations failed to measure up to their expectations.

Their labors ultimately produced the Human race and its subspecies, the powerful Zoanoids.

(Aside, the Uranus' rivals the Space Jockeys were so jealous, they created the Xenomorphs. That project didn't turn out so well, either. The only race happy with that development were the Yautja, who enjoyed having quote the perfect prey unquote.)

Flush with the magnitude of their success, the Uranus were open to an innocent suggestion on the last day of their stay on Earth.

"How would humans interact with one of our standard symbiotic interaction units?"

And the answer was... disaster.

"ABORT! ABORT! BY THE GREAT BIRD OF THE GALAXY, IT HAS A CHARGED PARTICLE CANNON FOR A CHEST!"

'Guyver', the Uranus came to call the nightmarish combination of Bio-Booster Armor and Cro Magnon Man. Some translated it as 'Not To Specification' or 'Beyond The Norm'. But the truest and most chilling translation was 'Out Of Control'.

It was the blackest curse in the language of a race whose fragile psyche centered upon maintaining total control and order of their surroundings. The Uranus were physically frail creatures who gained universal dominance through their psychic prowess. They deliberately programmed the Humans and Zoanoids to be telepathically controlled.

But the Guyver Unit not only vastly amplified the Human named Gilgamesh, the first 'Hero', it also made him immune to the Uranus' mind control, allowing him to kill many of the Uranus before he was subdued and terminated.

Fearful of the possibility that more G-Units might fall into Human or, worse, Zoanoid hands, the Uranus not only chose to abandon their creations but decided to exterminate them, just to be sure. So they took an asteroid and turned it into a relativistic missile that would shatter the planet upon impact.

When the greatest Zoanoid, the Zoalord Archanfel, tried to stop them, the Uranus panicked even more. They disabled Archanfel's physical functions and left him floating helplessly in space, right in the path of the killer asteroid, while they hightailed it out of the System without a glance back. The Uranus quarantined the system so that no one would know of their immense shame.

But Archanfel recovered his power through sheer force of will. And though it exhausted him, he succeeded in destroying the asteroid, an act that saved Earth, the Humans, and the Zoanoids, the last of whom worshipped the sleeping Zoalord as a savior.

The Zoanoids eventually faded into Humankind's legends as the monsters of mythology... until Archanfel woke up 400 years ago. Forming the Kronos Corporation, the first Zoalord sought to find his long-lost Creators while also amassing an army of Zoanoids.

And then a failed test type Zoanoid, Marmot, stole the only G-Units on Earth during his escape from Kronos Corporation's Japan Branch. Cornered and desperate, Marmot blew himself up rather than be captured. The blast scattered his stolen G-Units. It also demolished a nearby car carrying the human girl that Kyubey had painstakingly set up for an emotional bomb of his own.

Of course, a G-Unit just happened to land right into the dying Mami's outstretched palm.

"GUYVER!"

Bio-Boosted Armor hilarity ensued.

.

**THE MANY LIVES OF MAMI TOMOE**

(a.k.a. Mami's Good Ends)

_A Puella Magi Madoka What If? Anthology_

**Disclaimer:** Madoka is not mine. She was designed by Umi-tentei. Umi-tentei is luv. Death to Urobuchi for making her cry.

.

**Story Fourth**

OUT OF CONTROL

.

The Kronos Corporation immediately dispatched Zoanoids to capture or destroy Guyver I. Their agents included one sunglasses-wearing Lost Number who powered up by eating other Zoanoids...

"I am Aptom! Prepare to die, Guyver I!"

"Kyouko?" Mami exclaimed.

"D-damn it, Mami! Call me by my Lost Number title!"

"Not until you pay me back for the crepe you stole from me!"

And now we know why they don't like each other.

"Never! That crepe is mine! All mine! Om nom nom nom mogu mogu!"

"Y-you... MEGA-SMASHER!"

They're friends. Really.

Another complication appeared soon enough. "I am Guyver III." The black-hued Guyver III pointed at the golden Guyver I's torso-mounted big guns. That is, Mami's Mega-Smasher. Both of them. "Hand over Madoka Kaname, Guyver I."

"Is she blushing?" Madoka asked from behind Mami.

Guyver III's cheek-mounted Sonic Emitters went red from how fast they vibrated. "I..."

"I won't let you get Madoka!" Mami swore.

"Madoka is mine!"

We know who this is.

Sayaka also turned out to be a prototype mermaid Zoalord. She got no end of grief from Kyouko regarding her Zoalord form.

"Hey, Aquagirl! Look, look! I'm eating fish! Om nom nom mogu mogu!"

"I hate you, Kyouko..."

"I feel your pain, Sayaka," Mami muttered to the growling blue-topped girl. "I truly do..."

Thing was, Archanfel happened to have a thing for mermaids. (He did have that quartet of hot mermaids back at Silha.) So after Sayaka made a heroic sacrifice to protect her friends' retreat, the impressed Archanfel rebuilt her as the Zoalord Akayas Ariel.

Akayas promptly turned the invalid Kyousuke Kamijou into a Hyper Zoanoid. And because Kyousuke-kun asked nicely (not to mention Ayakas did like her, too, if her panty-sniffing confession in the 2nd Drama CD is anything to go by), she turned Hitomi into a Zoanoid, too.

"Who's kicking who now, Kyouko?" Akayas sneered when she curbstomped the stunned Lost Number in their rematch.

"Ah... Sayaka, will you forgive me if I admit that I was seriously tsundere for you?" the blushing Kyouko admitted.

"W-w-what?" The Mermaid Zoalord blushed as well. "Y-you were? Then... uh... f-fine, I forgive you. You can join my harem..."

"Yay! I get dibs on your butt!" Which Kyouko promptly glomped.

"Hey! That's reserved for Kyousuke-kun!"

And before you asked, yes, Madoka ended up getting her hands on the last Guyver Medallion. The mere sight of her Guyver's hot pink skin was enough to instantly bleach the eyes of any poor Zoanoid who set sight upon her.

By the time Walpurgis Night arrived, it was greeted by the three Guyvers equipping Gigantics capable of going Gigantic Exceed, plus Akayas who defected to their side with her harem.

And Kyubey finally found out why other younger races simultaneously smirked and grimaced when mentioning the Uranus.

The Uranus were assholes.

.

**Notes:** Featured Guyver.

I had a LOT of fun with Sayaka and Kyouko in this chapter. They so perfectly fit the Guyver characters Masaki and Aptom, not to mention letting me add jokes unique to them such as The Little Mermaid reference.

Go, Gilgamesh! The original Guyver! Made of gold! Your legend in the GuyverVerse will add a new Noble Phantasm to your already broken arsenal!

So many aliens! Spot the Star Trek reference!

.

Up Next!

**Story Fifth**

"Hoshikuzi Witch Mamimi hajimaru yo!"


	5. STARDUST WITCH MAMIMI

**We interrupt your regular programming of The Many Lives Of Mami Tomoe to bring you the newest hit magical girl anime from AIC!**

.

Mami was a smart girl who paid attention in class. She knew shooting stars were properly called meteors and were in no way related to stars. Sure, they both burned, but one was a chunk of metal and the other a giant ball of gas.

The pink five-pointed-star-shaped thingy that missed her by a golden princess curl's breadth couldn't be either of those. It was certainly unreal. But what was it?

A space ship, it turned out to be, for a cute critter that looked like a rabbit's head.

"My name is Comet-kun! I've come from the Land of Magic to protect the Earth from Dark Witches! Please help me, Mami!"

And that was how Mami became a Witch.

A Stardust Witch, that is.

.

"Hoshikuzi Witch Mamimi hajimaru yo!"

[Stardust Witch Mamimi begins!]

.

_Ma-mi mami mami mami mami mami mi~_

_Ma-mi mami mami mami mami mami mi~_

_A shooting star twinkles in the space shooting at the enemies with the Magical Jet For the Earth, I've fell from the Land of Magic Hello, I am Stardust Witch Mamimi_

_Shooting Star Shooting Star_

_Flying towards your breast with a giant power (sparkle!)_  
><em>bigger than a meteorite (sparkle!)<em>

_I'm aiming to your heart so please, catch my full-powered full throttle magic don't run away from it, eh?_

_Ma-mi mami mami mami mami mami mi~_

_a-mi mami mami mami mami mami mi~_

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**THE MANY LIVES OF MAMI TOMOE**

(a.k.a. Mami's Good Ends)

_A Puella Magi Madoka What If? Anthology_

**Disclaimer:** Madoka is not mine. Homu Homu Moemura does not share.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Story Fifth**

STARDUST WITCH MAMIMI

.

Thanatos Eros' fury made her face as red as her ponytailed hair. "My plan to conquer the world involving cursed crepes would have worked if it weren't for you meddling kid!" This comment despite her being a year younger than Mami. "This isn't over yet! I'll get you, Captain Planet! I mean, Stardust Witch Mamimi!"

"Why can't I just shoot Eros-san when she does that?" the genre-savvy Mami asked Comet-kun.

"Because it would be rude," the mascot, who believed in putting honor before reason, averred.

"Oh. I understand." A young lady could get behind that noble idea.

.

Mami was not alone in fighting the Dark Witch. There was another magical girl, a pink-haired girl with gentle brown eyes and a sword-like wand, who also fought the forces of evil.

"I'm Alpha Omega. I'll take it from here, Mamimi."

"But I want to help you!"

"There's no need for you to fight anymore."

The conscientious Mami pressed the issue. The equally stubborn Alpha pressed the fire button of her wand.

"Uwaaahhh!"

Ever since then, the two magical girls competed with each other. They would sometimes team up against a foe too powerful for either of them alone. But right after the monster of the week was defeated, Alpha would reject Mami's plea for a permanent friendship.

"Become my friend already!" Mami called out as she fired off another city-killing Meteor Impact.

"I don't need to become your friend!" Alpha yelled back as she slashed that blast in half.

And then came the big reveal!

"Charlotte-chan?" Mami gasped. "You're Alpha Omega?"

Her young pen pal burst in tears. "You're my only friend, Mami. I wanted to protect you. So I asked Comet-kun to heal my cancer and make me a magical girl. But when I learned that you were also a magical girl, I couldn't stand it. What if you got hurt?" Charlotte sobbed. "How could I live with myself if something happened to you? That's why I tried to stop you from fighting!"

"Charlotte-chan," Mami murmured. So that was why Alpha refused to become friends with her. Because they were already friends!

"Mami!" Charlotte begged. "You don't have to fight anymore! I'll be the one who protects you!"

"But I want to protect Charlotte-chan!" Mami insisted.

Of course, Thanatos Eros, being several thousand kilonazis worth of evulz, interrupted this heartwarming moment by grabbing Charlotte from behind.

"Mwahahaha! Alpha Omega is now mine, Mamimi!" And the Dark Witch proceeded to nibble on her prisoner's earlobe and throat.

"Nooo," Charlotte moaned. "That's for Mami to munch on..."

"Charlotte-chan! Stop that, Eros-san!" the red-faced, nose-bleeding Mami begged. "That's unhygienic! You should wash first before doing that!"

Brainwashed by Thanatos Eros' erotic eating of her erogenous zone, Charlotte's gaze glazed. "Mamimi... I will... destroy you..."

The resulting fight was epic. So epic, this writer cannot fully convey it in words. So let's just skip to the ending.

"I'll save you, Charlotte-chan! Take this! Zenryoku zenkai!" Mami aimed Magical Jet at her mind-controlled friend. "STURM FALKEN- err, I mean, METEOR IMPACT!"

"KYAAAHHH!"

The Lyrical Grade Genocide class magic attack punched clean through Charlotte's slim body like a certain cursed spear thrown by a certain Lancer class Servant. After all, the fastest way to a person's heart is through her stomach.

But don't worry, kids! Charlotte-chan got better. This is a Sunday morning children's show, after all.

After proving that the power of friendship overcomes all (including magical defense), Mami and Charlotte battled Thanatos Eros for the last time.

"METEOR IMPACT!"

"METEOR SLASH!"

"IYAAAHHH!"

"Now put some decent clothes on, Eros-san!" Mami scolded the smoldering Dark Witch. "Our show is getting a PG Rating because of your outfit!"

"You blew off all my clothes!" the naked Thanatos yelled, her godiva hair undone from its usual ponytail and now the only body cover she retained. "We just got kicked up to a Teen Rating because of you!"

.

But Thanatos Eros was only being used by the true big bad, Plutonian Hades!

"You have failed me for the last time, Thanatos Eros!" Plutonian Hades's fingertips rained force lightning upon the poor redhead. "You are the weakest linK! Goodbye!"

And he pressed a big red button that opened up the floor beneath Thanatos Eros.

"Aaahhh! Forgive me, Father! I have sinned!"

Mami found the badly injured Thanatos huddled inside an empty cardboard box during a downpour. "Eros-san!" she exclaimed.

"Mamimi... I... have nowhere to go," Thanatos sobbed.

"Mother, father," Mami ended up begging her parents. "She followed me home. Can I keep her?"

"Mami," the former Vivienne Ohtori diplomatically began. "She isn't exactly a puppy, you know..."

"Why?" Thanatos asked while Mami scrubbed her bare back in the bathroom.

"Because this is what a magical girl does, too."

And this is what a magical girl does, too!" Charlotte squealed as she grabbed Thanatos' breasts from behind. "Vengeance is mine!"

"Waaahhh!"

Moved by the kindnesses shown her, Thanatos did a face heel turn and went big damn heroine during the final battle against Plutonian Hades.

"You dare attack me, Thanatos?" Plutonian Hades howled.

"My name... is... Kyouko Sakura! And I will save you, Dad!"

The three Witches succeeded in defeating and purifying Pluto Hades, who was really Kyouko's dad corrupted by a dark power that feasted on his need to be noticed.

(Obviously he wasn't Filipino. All you had to do in the Philippines was climb a billboard and you'll soon have hundreds -if not thousands- of busybodies ogling you.)

"Dad!" Kyouko cried out as she raced towards her father.

"Kyouko! I'm so sorry!"

She drop-kicked him in the face.

"W-what was that for, dear?" Kyouko's dad yelped.

"Don't you 'dear' me! That was for releasing a sealed evil in a can! Don't you know better than to do that?"

"But I thought it was the Holy Grail!"

"It was a literal aluminum can!" Kyouko yelled.

"So this was technically a holy grail war?" Charlotte opined.

Mami shuddered. Somehow she thought she'd end up fighting a disillusioned version of herself if that was true.

.

In the Throne of Heroes, Counter Guardian Mami TOMOE sneezed.

.

Hearing of great evil in Mitakihara City, Mami arrived in time to save Madoka and Sayaka from getting trimmed by the Pringles gardeners.

"I am Stardust Witch Mamimi! Pleased to meet you!" Cue cute idol gesture with her hands. "Kira!"

"Die, Witch." And Homura shot her. Repeatedly. With a Desert Eagle. Fired gangsta style. "You do not belong in this world..."

"Kyaaah! Stoppu, stoppu! I'm a magical girl! A heroine of justice like you!"

"Give me your face..."

"Iyaaahhh!"

Comet-kun was appalled by the assault on Mami. "How could a magical girl do this?" her familiar gasped.

Obviously the alien had forgotten about all the times Mami, Charlotte, and Kyouko blew each other up.

"I was only trying to help," Mami groaned. "Akemi-chan is awful..."

Kyouko grimaced. Charlotte looked homicidal.

Out on her personal crusade in Madoka's name, Homura was accosted by a girl who looked way too much like Madoka for her comfort.

"I'll mogu mogu your head off for attacking Mami!" yandere-mode Charlotte swore.

"You're not Madoka!" the equally yandere Homura snapped back. "I won't let you stop me from saving her!"

Yandere Onna hilarity ensued.

"What's this?" Kyousuke Kousaka asked his over-enthusiastic otaku sister.

"Stardust Witch Mamimi has an official crossover with Puella Magi Madoka Magica!" Kirino gushed. "It's totally awesome!"

"Eh? Madoka? Isn't it that depressing deconstruction of the magical girl genre?"

"Yeah, but Mamimi totally turns things upside down there!"

A few minutes of the episode prompted a "Who writes this stuff?" out of the grimacing Kyousuke.

"A guy named Sheo Darren. He's way better than Gen Urobuchi."

"Right, and I'm a pretty boy fighter ace who plays female roles in kabuki plays yet has a harem."

.

Far off into the future, aboard Macross Quarter, Alto Saotome sneezed.

"Bless you, Alto," Ranka Lee and Sheryl Nome told him.

"Thanks, girls. Sheo Darren must be making seiyuu jokes again..."

.

**Notes:** Featured Stardust Witch Meruru, which is a show within the show Ore no Imouto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai.

Honorable mentions to the ever present Fate Stay / Night, Fate Kaleido Prism Ilya, Castlevania, Transformers 2 - Revenge of the Fallen, and Macross Frontier.

.

Up Next!

**Story Sixth**

"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!"

"It's-"


	6. ELSEWORLDS

Mami Tomoe put her eyeglasses away and tugged her blouse open. "This looks like a job for-"

.

"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!"

"It's Most Common Superpower Girl!"

Power Girl sighed gracefully. You can't win them all.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**THE MANY LIVES OF MAMI TOMOE**

(a.k.a. Mami's Good Ends)

_A Puella Magi Madoka What If? Anthology_

.

**Very Important Disclaimer:** This is an Elseworlds/AU based on the 2814Verse of **Shadow Crystal Mage**. I do not own the 2814Verse. Neither do I own Madoka. Else, the prophet Homuhomu will own me for daring to break MadoKami's 10th Commandment: Coveting her MadoKami's ass.

**Surgeon General's Warning:** Trope Overdosed. God damn it, TV Tropes ruined my life... again... dattebayo!

**Dedication:** To **Shadow Crystal Mage**. My deepest thanks. Read and review his fics!

**Edited:** 11 November 2014

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Story Sixth**

ELSEWORLDS

.

"Power Girl-san?"

"Yes, Green Lantern-chan?"

"I don't mean to sound rude, but why does your costume have a hole over your chest?"

The blushing Mami managed to gamely answer her sempai's query. "It's called a cleavage window. It gives a clear indication of who and what I am: Strong, feminine, and yes, big-breasted." She placed her hand upon her chest in a meaningful gesture. "If people are overly preoccupied or distracted by the last part, that is their problem, not mine. I will not be bound by what they think of me."

Green Lantern-chan pondered that exposition over a cup of delicious chamomile tea. "What's a cleavage?" she innocently asked.

"...Ah, I don't think I can answer that question of yours, Green Lantern-chan. Please ask your mother instead..."

"Why does everyone tell me that?" Green Lantern-chan pouted cutely, creating a cuteness proximity effect that netted her another tasty crumpet.

Truth was, Mami couldn't think of a fitting symbol to wear. She so wanted to bear the crimson S-shield, the Kryptonian symbol of Hope that belonged to the House of El. Kara-san and Kal-chan- err, Clark-kun urged her to do so. They were very supportive people, the kind who made the best superheroes.

But she couldn't accept their generosity. Not until she got over her identity crisis.

.

Three years ago, the childless Tomoe couple ran over the girl who would become their daughter. the Yes, ran **over**, not 'across'. A startled Jun Tomoe had swerved his car away from a white critter darting across the road. He ended up sideswiping a blonde teen.

"Ah, Megami-sama! I think I killed that poor girl!"

She didn't have even a scratch on her. Neither did she have clothes-

"Ah, Megami-sama! I hit her so hard, all her clothes flew off!"

"I don't think physics work that way, dear," his hot shoujo wife Vivienne told him.

-or any memories of who she was.

"Ah, Megami-sama," Jun sobbed, "I gave her amnesia, too..."

Vivienne sighed.

Mami Tomoe lived normally for three years. Well, as normally as a girl with unnatural strength, speed, stamina, and skin (how many hypodermic needles gave their lives before that was proven *sob*) could live. Her parents were very understanding people.

And then another car accident happened. Again it was caused by Jun trying to avoid a white critter that crossed the road.

This time he crashed into a wall.

Mami tore apart the wreckage of their car with her bare hands. A glance showed the extent of her parents' injuries down to the very bone. She outran cars, smashed through walls, and ripped doors off their hinges on her way to the hospital. She also carried the first doctor she found back to her parents. When said doctor protested administering treatment-

"Damn it, Jim, I'm a cosmetic surgeon, not an emergency surgeon!"

-Mami ran back to the hospital and returned with an entire team of paramedics and their ambulance on her shoulders.

After this second accident, Vivienne bought a Ford Explorer -"Built Ford tough!"-, learned how to drive, and took over the wheel with such fervor and relish that she made New York taxi drivers and Filipino jeepney drivers look tame. She also made a point to run over every white critter that dared cross the road she was traversing. And just to belabor the point, in true Filipino driver's fashion, she also made a practice of backing over her victim.

"Uh, thanks, dear," Jun mumbled while staring at the latest road kill rendered by his wife.

"I love you, too, hon."

Mami found after experimentation that she could move faster than a speeding bullet, was more powerful than a bullet train, and could leap tall buildings in a single bound. (That last disappointed her. She so wanted to fly...) She also could see through opaque objects (an ability that caused her quite the embarrassment and temptation) and fire rays of heat through her eyes, while her breath could freeze liquid solid and blow away anything.

Inspired by daily superheroics of Japan's Green Lantern-chan and Superman -"Ah, Superman-sama~"-, Mami decided to become a superheroine.

First things first: She needed a name. Her parents proved quite the superhero otaku.

"She can't go by the name 'Ultra Girl'," Vivienne argued with her husband. "She's not a giant heroine. Besides, there's already a comics superheroine who goes by that name. Stan Lee might allow it, but I don't want our baby to have to yell out 'Excelsior!' whenever she flies away!"

Mami was going to point out that she could only leap 1/8th of a mile so far, but her father had already risen up to the bait.

"Well, it's better than all of your suggestions," Jun shot back. "All of them being rearranged versions of 'Princess of Power'!"

"Well, excuse me for liking She-Ra, you Marvel zombie!"

Her parents were about ready to wrangle like The Nostalgia Critic and The Angry Video Game Nerd during their crossover videos. Mami tried to defuse the situation by suggesting "How about Powerpuff Girl?" The old Cartoon Network show was one of her guilty pleasures.

"Too cutesy," her father rejected.

"Someone already owns it," her mother agreed. But then Vivienne put on a pensive look. "But Power Girl sounds just about right..."

"Yes... yes, that could work," Jun agreed.

"Then it's settled," the highly relieved and delighted Mami decided. "I will be Power Girl!"

Japan's newest superheroine proved a huge hit on Youtube and message boards, was jokingly proclaimed the fourth Powerpuff by Craig McCracken (which caused Mami no end of joy), and even got scouted out to be the flying brick member of Super Young Team.

Then she flew -"At last! I just knew I could fly!"- into an astonished Supergirl.

"Galatea! What are you doing here?"

"Ah," Mami absently answered. She found the insignia on the other superheroine's chest strangely mesmerizing. "Pardon me?"

"W-w-what are you looking at?"

"Uh... your chest?"

"Pervert!"

Hilarity ensued by way of Let's You And Her Fight.

"I'm so sorry, Supergirl-san," Mami fretted after their brawl. "It was very impolite of me."

"No, Power Girl," apologized her American counterpart. "I should be the one to apologize. I shouldn't have attacked you. But you look like an evil clone of mine, and I still have bad memories of her..."

That set Mami to thinking. She was adopted. She had no memories of her past. She had superpowers. She found Supergirl's symbol intensely familiar. Supergirl had mistaken her to be a clone.

_Am I... a clone of Supergirl?_

She was still pondering the matter days later when she found someone sifting through the Tomoe family's carefully segregated garbage. (Superheroines also had a duty to nature.) "Um... excuse me, but why are you going through our trash?" she asked.

"Please," the man in the coat and hat muttered, "I go through **everyone's** trash..."

Mami felt bad for someone she believed to be a homeless bum. She insisted on helping him out, though she didn't say she would be using her X-rated- err, X-ray vision to scan her trash. When he refused, she offered to let him use the shower afterwards.

"No, thank you, I've seen Psycho and have no interest in getting violated with a banana."

At her wits' end, Mami fell back on her tried and tested approach: serve tea. She got some odd rant out of him about how tea was part of a dastardly conspiracy.

"Ah, do you mean the historical Boston Tea Party, or the American populist political movement?" Mami asked.

"Exactly."

"You didn't answer my question, Mister-"

"Question."

Mami gave up trying to understand this weirdo and just poured him more tea.

That night, she wondered what to do with her damaged outfit. The white one-piece swimsuit had been Vivienne's. (Her mother tried it on again from time to time.) Mami had worn it with a red half-cape draped over her left shoulder, gloves, and boots. It was simple, functional, and admittedly sexy.

The fight with Supergirl had ripped a hole in its chest. Any repairs done to it would show. But Mami didn't want to replace it. Her mother had given it to her.

Thinking of the fight that had caused that damage led to thoughts of Supergirl's S-shield. Why had she been so mesmerized by that symbol? It seemed so familiar...

Inspiration struck like a car accident. Mami carefully snipped at the edges of the hole until she made a triangle out of it. "It's a little embarrassing," she admitted to her reflection in the mirror as she posed in the modified swimsuit. She repeated that comment with at least double the embarrassment while modeling her revamped outfit for her parents.

Her mother groaned about her daughter being mistaken for an S-word. No, not that S-word that was said to always hit the fan. The other S-word, the one applied to very loose women.

Her father thought it clever. And hot.

"Ow!" Jun exclaimed as Vivienne drove a high heel into his foot. "Hey, it's not like we're related to her by blood! Why can't I appreciate her body? Ow! Ow! Mami, save your Papi!"

The cleavage window proved quite useful. Villains kept looking at it instead of Mami's fists. They also tended to fire at it. While it was embarrassing to get bullets stuck or even crushed within her bountiful bosom, Mami considered the unorthodox shot trap safer than simply deflecting the bullets to who knows where.

.

The Unofficial Power Girl Fan Forum

**Sheo Darren:** "Boobs of steel, indeed..."

**TL Jun-kun:** "I thought it was 'buns' of steel?"

**Errnie:** "That, too."

.

A reunion with Power Girl was inevitable. It proved even more hilarious than their first meeting-

"Geh! Power Girl! What did you do to your costume? Now you really look like Galatea! Well, okay, your princess curls and cape does distinguish you from her..."

-especially as the American super heroine brought a friend with her. Or rather, someone who was like family to Supergirl- and who also happened to be actual family for Mami.

"Superman-sama?"

"Hello, Power Girl," the Man of Steel greeted her with a warm smile. "Or should I call you cousin Kara?"

.

Kara Zor-El. The name felt familiar to Mami.

"The Question found you for me," Supergirl was explaining. "He's sort of a friend. And besides, Batman was busy at the time -the Batmobile lost a wheel, you see, and the Joker nearly got away-, the Crimson Avenger only operates in the continental US, and Ambush Bug is just plain weird..."

_Yes._ Mami-no, Kara began to remember. _I was... I **am** Kara Zor-El. Daughter of Zor-El, leader of the Kryptonian city of Kandor._

Her father was the brother of Jor-El, the father of Superman, which made Kal her cousin. Zor-El was aware of his brother's plan to send Kal-El to another planet in a distant star system. Zor-El likewise built a spaceship, placed the preteen Kara in cryogenic sleep, and launched it after his nephew.

Kara's ship was less advanced than her cousin's due to the limited parts available in Kandor. The capsule craft took decades to reach Earth. And the night Kara's ship streaked through the black sky of Mitakihara also happened to be the same night that Black Reaper-chan was kidnapped by what would later be identified as the Yellow Lantern Rings of Reaper-chan's future Order.

To anything less capable than the power rings of the absent and distracted Green Lanterns of 2814, the Kryptonian capsule appeared to be a harmless and insignificant meteorite. And like meteor**oids**, it made quite the impact.

Cryo sleep was tried and tested technology by the time of Krypton's destruction. A similar cryo pod housed the dormant Kara In-Ze when Superman found her. But the Argosian was also fortunate enough to be thawed out with the help of her 'cousin', the advanced technologies at Star Labs, and the human genius Dr. Emil Hamilton.

Kara Zor-El, on the other hand, had emerged from cryo sleep unaided by man or machine. She was naked, alone, a stranger in a strange land, afflicted with instant amnesia brought about by the violent landing and the trauma of her last waking memory a tearful farewell by her late father.

And Superman was hugging the sobbing Mami. "It's all right, Kara," she was told. "It's all right to cry."

So she did. In the embrace of her cousins by blood and by adoption, the last daughter of Krypton wept.

.

Slowly but surely, Mami wrapped her pretty head around recently restored memories and status. For one thing, her baby cousin Kal, whom she now vaguely remembered to be as cute as a human button, was now more than twice her apparent age.

"There goes my Superman crush," she sighed.

Green Lantern-chan patted her reassuringly.

There was another thing. She shared her real first name with Supergirl. Kara, apparently, was the Kryptonian equivalent of the name 'Jane'.

At least that problem was easy to resolve.

"I am Kara Zor-El, scion of the House of El, the last daughter of Krypton," she agreed. "But I am also Mami Tomoe, daughter of Jun and Vivienne Tomoe. Just as I am Power Girl."

.

Or was she?

Every time she looked in the mirror, she asked herself who she was.

_People always ask me why I have this hole right here. They think I'm showing off...or just being lewd. But the time I remade this costume, I wanted to have a symbol like Kara-san or Kal-chan. I just... I couldn't think of anything. I thought, eventually, I'd figure it out. And close the hole. But I haven't._

_I thought I knew who I was: Kara Zor-El... Power Girl, cousin of Superman-sama. And I thought, eventually, I'd figure it out. And close this hole over my heart. But I haven't. Because I'm someone else._

So Power Girl left blank and nameless the space upon her heart as she continued to figure out how she really fitted in this brave, bold world...

.

"Light up the whole sky. This one is for the pink and the black."

Bulleta Time. The Girl Who Leap Through Time. She who can curve the bullet- or, for that matter, the armor-piercing discarding sabot tank round. Protecting the past to guarantee the future. Fighting for the girl she loves.

"Madoka..."

.

A blue-haired figure emerged unmoved, unscathed, and unimpressed from the Tsunami No Jutsu.

"Princess of the Seas, remember?" She leveled the Sword of Triton at her foolish foes. "Now: release the Kraken!"

Times like this, watching ninja get totally owned by tentacle monsters under her complete dominion, Sayaka Tula Miki was all too happy to be Aquagirl, opinions of that merc with a Pocky-filled mouth be damned.

.

"I did it, Oyakatta-sama!" Kyouko exclaimed as her spear whirled over her head. "My spear pierces the heavens!"

Her father sighed with the gravitas of the long-suffering. "Red Ravager, please call me by my code name when we are in the field..."

"Sure thing, Dad! Oooh, this one is still kicking! Gae Bolg!"

Deathstroke The Terminator shook his masked head. Seriously, what was Lillian thinking, raising their stabby-happy daughter in Japan of all places?

.

And last but not the least:

"So your name is Khaji Da? My name is Madoka Kaname. I'm very happy to meet you, Khaji-kun."

Yes. Madoka is so messianical that she can domesticate an intelligent power armor created by a megalomaniacal alien race.

.

Power Girl, Bulleta Time, Aquagirl ("Call me La Blue Girl one more time, Ravager, and I'll let you learn what Mido-san feels like in her every H-scene..."), Red Ravager ("I'm three times faster than the other Ravager!"), and Pinkan Beetle huddled inside Boosted Black's time machine, which was bigger on the inside than one might expect out of a police box.

"Well," Mami reviewed, "It looks like it's up to us to stop the Walpurgis Nacht from destroying the world..." Beneath her breath, detectable only by those with super hearing or psychic powers, she mumbled "I hate magic..."

"What happened to the Justice League?" Sayaka nervously asked.

"Preventing a crisis on another Earth." Mami sighed. She missed Kal. She really did.

"The Justice Society?" Sayaka tried next.

"Fighting a resurrected and brainwashed Jose Rizal," Homura answered.

"Who the heck is Jose Rizal?" the princess of Atlantis demanded of the time traveller.

"He is the Philippines' national hero. He is actually the biological father of Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler."

"What?" Sayaka spat. "How did that happen?"

"Classified information." And Homura went mum per her proclaimed role of protecting the timeline.

"Weird," Sayaka grimaced. "The Teen Titans?"

"Fighting my dad," Kyouko brought up.

Sayaka and Mami glared at her.

"The Titans suck if they can't beat one guy," the unrepentant anti-villain protested.

"This 'one guy', as you so lightly refer to him, is the same person who personally trained Star Sapphire Tomoyo 'Purple Ravager' Daidouji. He even defeated Batman, although this was before the Dark Knight became Servant Berserker," Homura pointed out.

"Conservation of ninjitsu, hellooo?" Kyouko shot back.

"What was that about Daidouji-san and Batman-san?" Sayaka persisted.

"Classified information."

Mami tried to recover everyone's attention. "We are the only ones right now who can avenge the wrongs wrought upon our world," she reminded them, "And we are Earth's mightiest heroines!"

Kyouko raised a helpful hand. "Ah, I'm not a heroine..."

Desperately ignoring her, Mami thrust a demure fist into the air. "So let's do it! **Avengers! Assemble!**"

Her fellow superheroines and the lone anti-villain present stared at Power Girl as if they had her X-ray vision and could see through her costume (which was not much, mind you).

"W-what's wrong?" Mami stuttered.

"Sorry, Power Girl-san, but it sounded so wrong for some reason," Sayaka admitted.

"Aquagirl's right," Kyouko agreed. "It's like we were Coke employees slurping down a Pepsi..."

"That battle cry fits Pinkan Beetle far better than you," was Homura's cold bias.

"Don't be so mean, Bulleta-chan," Madoka scolded.

Mami wilted as if their words were coated in Kryptonite. "All this time I lived on Earth, and I still don't understand you human girls..."

.

Still, for such a motley band of heroines, when push came to shove, the so-called Avengers shoved back mightily.

"Yonjuugo-Koukei Kyuuyon-Shiki Yonjussenchi-Hou (40 cm/45 Type 94 Naval Gun)! Curving the 46cm shell now!"

"Don't underestimate me just because we're in space! I summon you, Space Whale!"

"Oyakatta-sama! GIGA SPEAR BREAKER!"

"Wow, I didn't know we can breathe in space like Batman and Mai-chan from Mai-Hime, Khaji-kun..."

"My name is Power Girl. I am the last daughter of Krypton." Mami's eyes blazed crimson. "And you will not pass."

.

"In other news, Green Lantern-chan and her sidekick Ferret Lantern arrested the Incubator known as Kyubey for violating various intergalactic laws, including illegally entering and staying in Sector 2814 without a passport and visa, the practice of space magic powered by forsaken children, fraudulently claiming omniscient morality license to stop the non-existent heat death of the universe, falsely representing magical girl mascots, and peeking on Madoka Kaname while the latter was taking a bath..."

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Notes:** And just to remind you once more, Green Lantern-chan and the 2814Verse aren't mine; they're **Shadow Crystal Mage**'s creation and work respectively. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle. Yo Joe!

DCAU Supergirl is Kara In-Ze from Argos. This allowed me to give Mami the identity of Kara Zor-El from Earth 2, a.k.a. Power Girl.

It was a real challenge to rewrite Power Girl Mami's story to fit her in the DCAU. Originally she was going to be another clone of Supergirl. But cloning blues gave me a headache (Clone Saga, ugh), so I went and mashed together parts and pieces from different backstories for various incarnations of Supergirl and Power Girl.

As for the other girls, Bulleta Time Homura is a mix of The Doctor from Doctor Who, Bulleta/Baby Bonnie "BB" Hood from Darkstalkers, and Wesley Gibson from the 2008 Wanted movie (with Angelina 'Lara Croft' Jolie and Morgan 'God' Freeman); Sayaka is Aquagirl (Tula) with Blackbeard's Sword of Triton from Pirates of the Carribean 4; Kyouko is Ravager (Rose Wilson) and Deadpool; and Madoka is the 3rd Blue Beetle (Jaime Reyes).

I gave Mami's parents the names Jun Tomoe ("Ayan, Jun, matuwa ka, ibibigay ko sa iyo ang sobrang shmexy na nanay ni Mami. Nagsuot siya ng salamin noong isang episode, so pwede na siya, di ba?" XP) and Vivienne Tomoe (the latter taken from Ultimate Girls) plus a lot of screen time. The latter item was much to my surprise, but I found myself enjoying their expanded role in the story.

Jose Rizal being Hitler's father is an old joke in the Philippines.

The Type 94 Naval Gun is the main armament of the Yamato class battleship. Where did Homuhomu get it? "Classified information." XD

Special mention to Doctor Who, UC Gundam, Gurren Lagann, Naruto, La Blue Girl, Fate Stay / Night, and Clash of the Titans, among others.

.

**11-11-2014**

I rewrote parts of Mami's discovery and backstory to improve pacing, address certain plot holes (such as Green Lantern-chan not detecting Mami's ship when it arrived or Mami herself when the latter began super-heroics), and align the timeline with fortuitous events ascribed to by **OverMaster** in the crossover scenes between Unequally Rational and Emotional and SCM-sama's Takamachi Nanoha of 2814.

Do please note that this chapter is no longer fully compatible with the canon timeline established by Shadow Crystal Mage in his 2814 epic as of Takamachi Nanoha of 2814: LeaguerS. (Kyuubey as the White Beast of Gaia, the Primate Murder? As **Robbaz** would say: "Yenius, SCM-sama.") This is mainly due to canon Madoka characters finally appearing. This is a minor issue, though, as SCM-sama and myself have previously agreed and established during my first conception of this story that this will be an Elseworlds-style alternate universe. More power to him.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Up Next

**Story Seventh**

"The wind is in the sky and the stars are in the heavens and a resolute heart beats within my chest! This magic in my hand! Raging Heart! Set up!"


	7. SET UP

Mami Tomoe –the only daughter of Jun Tomoe and his hot shoujo wife Vivienne, apple of her parents's eyes, and a normal young girl- went through her typical day. She curled her hair, fawned over her parents fawning over her (truly an endless cycle that tastes like diabetes), aced her exam, enjoyed afternoon tea and peach pie, heard voices inside her head...

"Help me! Can you hear me? Can you hear my voice? Whoever is listening to this... I beg of you. Please help me. Please."

No, she is not going to get a Green Lantern ring right after she gets Raging Heart. Please read Shadow Crystal Mage's Takamachi Nanoha of 2814 for a story like that. He does it much better than I can ever hope to do.

"The wind is in the sky! The stars are in the heavens! An unvanquishable spirit in my heart! Grant your magic upon my hand, Raging Heart! Set up!"

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**THE MANY LIVES OF MAMI TOMOE**

(a.k.a. Mami's Good Ends)

_A Puella Magi Madoka What If? Anthology_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Madoka or Nanoha. I do not want to be befriended by SHAFT and Seven Arcs. Befriending is lethal to males unless you have Huckebein-level regeneration.

**Dedication:** To **Sky Zephyr**. Enjoy the befriending. Oh, wait, befriending is lethal to males. Never mind. XD

**Also: **Merry Christmas!

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Story Seven**

SET UP

.

Mami could be said to be an ascended fan girl. Her mother was a fan of magical girls. The former Vivienne Ohtori named her only child after the classic magical idol girl Creamy Mami. Her princess curls-haired daughter followed in her footsteps... as well as the tread tracks of her father.

You see, Jun Tomoe was a mechaphile. His interests and array of robots, both Real and Super, posed an interesting contrast to his wife's collection of dolls and figma.

This conflux of kodomomuke –"intended for children"- and seinen –"young men"- influences led to a girl who could appreciate Pretty Cure from the point of view of both of its two target demographics.

"Kyah, Nagisa-chan and Honoka-chan are so cute... and they're so strong, too... the power of friendship is so wonderful..."

So when Raging Heart -and what a curious name that was for a magic wand- asked for permission to assume the most apt weapon for her, the first thing that came to Mami's mind was-

"I would like a gun, please."

After all, she was a magical girl, not a magic knight.

(At this point, the possibility that Magic Knight Rayearth will later be featured in this fan fiction has been set in stone. Thank you, SCM-sama.)

Mami was also a constant visitor to TV Tropes even though she sometimes felt like the site was ruining her life. That was why she made a Magical Girl To-Do List that covered the mundane,-

"Wake up, check. Go to school, check. Save the world, check."

-the exotic,-

"Action Girl, check. Calling Your Attacks, check. Frills of Justice, check... I don't really cast spells, so I'm not a Magical Girl... Magical Girl Warrior, check..."

-and most importantly, her Non-Human Sidekick.

"Yuuno-kun? Do you have a human form?"

"I do. It's actually my real form."

"Oh? So you're not really a ferret?"

"Of course not, Mami-san! I'm really human!" He sounded rather offended. "Here, let me show you..." He glowed green, grew...

"Eh? Yuuno-kun, you're a boy?" The blushing Mami scanned her List. "Does that make you my love interest, too?"

"Wah? Mami-san! What are you saying? This is so sudden! I'm not ready!"

"But Yuuno-kun, you're blushing... wait, you were always in my room when I changed clothes..."

"I didn't look at your naked body, Mami-san!"

"Yuuno-kun, you pervert!"

[Let's blast this phallic-shaped peeping tom, Master,] Raging Heart proposed.

"Yes! Let's set up, Raging Heart! Divine Punishment! Zenryoku Zenkai!"

"W-w-wait!"

Yes, sometimes Mami does wish she was alone.

.

Why the hurry? Mami knew from all the anime she and her parents liked to watch that, sooner rather than later, a rival would appear to contest ownership of the Jewel Seeds. The question was, what kind of rival would this newcomer be?

"Don't come closer," growled the formidable caped girl who rather resembled the Deathscythe Hell Custom from Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz.

"Very well, I shall keep my distance as you request." Mami knew from all the hostage negotiation documentaries on TV that she had to carefully balance friendliness and determination during first contact lest hilarity ensue. "I just want to ask you why you are collecting the Jewel Seeds. Perhaps I can assist you?"

"I don't need your help."

"Then perhaps you can help me. I must confess that I'm new to this Magical Girl business. Would you happen to have any tips for me?"

"Give up on the Jewel Seeds. And stay out of my way."

She sounded a lot like Nana Mizuki, Mami thought. _Kuudere or tsundere? _"I cannot in good conscience abandon my quest to seal Jewel Seeds. Still, I will endeavor to avoid disrupting your mission. So you still won't tell me why you need them?"

"No. Go away."

Kuudere, all right. "All right. But before I go, perhaps I can interest you in a spot of tea?" Mami held up a metal flask for inspection. "It's my special blend. Yuuno-kun swears by it."

"Photon Lancer," was the almost-irritated comment that closed negotiations.

[Get set,] the girl's brutal-looking pole-axe of a Device confirmed.

"And here I even bothered to bring peach pie," Mami lamented.

"Fire!"

Paper beats stone, stone beats scissors, and scissors beat paper. A bardiche -"A type of Eastern European heavy polearm," Yuuno read on Wikipedia- apparently beats musket in a Beam-O-War.

The battered Mami guessed it was to be expected. Katanas are better and all that.

Still, how Raging Heart raged over losing that first fight...

"The next time we fight, I might not be able to hold back," the Dark Magical Girl had murmured to Mami before leaving.

_I'll remember that, Deathscythe-chan... just as I remember hearing you apologize to me when you shot me down..._

.

Having tried the magical girl way of peacefully reasoning with her opponent during their fight -a heartfelt effort at diplomacy that got her Arc Saber Exploded for her troubles- Mami now switched strategies to Peace Through Superior Firepower. This required research.

Yuuno goggled at the mishmash of tapes, CDs, DVDs, assorted players, flat screens, and surround sound system that filled Mami's room. "Mami-san?" he hesitantly asked. "What is this?"

"They're my Papa's Gundam series, Yuuno-kun. We're going to watch them all."

"How does watching Gundam help us?"

"There are a lot of weapons and attacks in the Gundam series. We might be able to find something that Raging Heart can adapt for our next fight with that girl."

Her magical boy friend (a boy who was her friend but wasn't her boyfriend... yet...) remained dubious. "Mami-san, I understand that you want to beat-"

"Befriend," she primly corrected him.

"-befriend this girl. I appreciate the fact that you decided to stay at home to research all this instead of going to a hot springs resort with your friends and family. But I'm worried that you are starting to turn into what your Internet call a NEET..."

"You're one to accuse me of being a NEET, Yuuno-kun, when you're the one who always hogs the laptop all night to browse Wikipedia."

"That's different! It's like the Infinite Library back on Mid-Childa! I gotta read them all!"

"Just don't forget that Wikipedia is an open source site," Mami reminded him. "Anyone can modify the information there."

"Heresy! Sacrilege! Blasphemy!"

Raging Heart was impressed with how Yuuno raged. Mami patiently waited him out before proceeding to her plan. "Anyway, Yuuno-kun, let's begin."

"We can't possibly watch all of these in just one sitting," he protested.

"Not if I use **Anime Watching Goddess** **Mode**!" she declared in her best **BRYAN BLESSED** impersonation. "I'll watch them all simultaneously!"

"Whaaat?"

And so began a segment totally stolen from The World God Only Knows. To save time and space, let's skip to the end of the marathon session!

"Thank you, Sheo Darren," Yuuno groaned from where he lay limp upon the carpet. "I thought it would never end..."

"We haven't even begun to fight, Yuuno-kun! Now it's time to watch the rest of my Papa's Real Robot shows!" Mami brightly brought up. "And after that, my mother's magical girl shows will be next!"

"M-m-mercy, Mami..."

.

When Mami and her rival crossed paths again, the former brought a number of rude surprises for the latter.

"Go, Funnels! Dragoons, launch! Fly, my Fangs!"

Deathscythe-chan couldn't help but hiss as she dodged through a web of pink laser beams woven by a swarm of attack drones.

_Where did this girl build these? In a cave? With a box of scraps?_

"Divine Buster Rifle!" Raging Heart's Gunner Mode now sported an extended barrel and larger power capacitators. "Stun Mode!" Mami waited for the blood-red light and strident tone of a solid lock as an invisible laser painted her target. "Shoot!"

A ruler-straight bolt of pink lightning split the night sky.

"Fate!" Arf raced towards her mistress' opponent. Yellow malevolence crackled upon her knuckles. "Get away from her!"

Yuuno blocked her halfway to his partner. "AT Field!" The young archaeologist grimaced. "Did I just call my barrier that?"

"Good job, Yuuno-kun!"

Yuuno was unsure whether Mami was referring to his timely defense of her or his growing otaku tendency. He also wondered if it was backhanded praise. No, probably not, Mami was too nice a girl to do that.

Fate finally won through the drones' crossfire. She came at Mami in a high-speed street-hugging rush, black cloak all a-flutter behind her and Bardiche slung beneath her like the talons of a hunting raptor. She really was an anthromorphic Deathscythe Hell Custom...

Raging Heart's current form boasted a built-in beam bayonet beneath its muzzle. Mami sent a mental thanks to Char's Counterattack as she used the impromptu spear to jab and parry. "Jewel Seeds are dangerous!" Their beam blades clashed brilliantly. "I seal them before they can hurt people! Is that also the reason you seek them out?"

"No..."

That single word was what Mami had been waiting for, working on. She broke off their battle and quickly backed away without striking or firing. That was difficult; her opponent was faster and more agile than her. So Mami added the risky incentive of lowering Raging Heart's still-smoldering muzzle as a show of faith in this girl named Fate.

"Your name is Fate, isn't it? If you're planning to use Jewel Seeds to hurt people, Fate-chan, I cannot allow it. But," she quickly added, "If it's for something else, if it's to help yourself or someone you care for, then I can understand why you want them. And if that's so, then maybe I can help you. I'll even give you my Jewel Seeds."

That generous offer drew a gasp of "Mami!" from Yuuno and an equally surprised glow from Raging Heart. But it had the desired effect on Fate, whose expression turned just slightly interested.

"Please just talk to me, Fate-chan. Tell me why you are doing this. At the very least, I will listen to you."

Fate openly hesitated now. Her Device shared its mistress' uncertainty; Bardiche's fearsome energy scythe actually fluctuated. "I..."

Mami managed to limit her relieved reaction to a nod.

"I'm just trying to-"

"Fate!" Arf snarled from where Yuuno bogged her down. "You don't have to answer her! Our job is to bring back the Jewel Seeds, remember?"

Fate stiffened. Then her sad green eyes hardened into agates that could cut glass. Bardiche came up again, beam blade blazing anew.

It was all Mami could do not to bury her pretty face into a gloved palm. "Why do you sympathetic anti-villain antagonists always do this?" she groaned.

[Let's blast some sense into her, Master,] Raging Heart egged.

Mami did as her Device suggested. She still got no straight answer out of Fate. Neither did she get the Jewel Seed. What she did get was serious damage to Raging Heart.

"I'm sorry, Raging Heart," she apologized to her Device afterwards. "This happened because I was reckless and selfish..."

Raging Heart glowed warmly. [Worry not, Master. We will blast them good next time.]

"That's right! Next time, I'll shoot Fate-chan instead of the Jewel Seed!"

"Mami," Yuuno sighed, "You're starting to become as trigger-happy as Raging Heart..."

.

Complications arrived in the form of the Time-Space-err, the Dimensional Administration Bureau. Mami had to briefly put aside her promise to Raging Heart for other, more immediate matters.

"Chrono-kun? Why does your uniform have spikes?"

"To be honest, Mami, I don't know. It's always had them. Is there a problem with them?"

"Yes. They're spikes of villainy."

"I've never heard of that term before. What do you mean by that?"

"Those spikes are usually worn by villains and used to impale things. The more of them on your shoulder or the bigger they are, the more evil you are."

"I didn't know that..." Chrono wondered if that was the reason suspects always put up a fight yelling that he'd never take them alive.

"Don't worry, Chrono-kun," Mami reassured him. "Even if you wear those spikes, I know you are a nice boy."

Chrono couldn't help but blush. "Ah... thanks, Mami..."

Yuuno was not jealous. Not one bit.

They walked into the Nadesico's- err, the Asura's meeting room, a space wondrously furnished in the manner of a traditional Japanese outdoor tea party. It contained everything a tea lover wanted and needed: a blooming cherry blossom tree, a parasol-covered wooden platform, all the utensils needed for a formal Sado, and most of all The Thing That Goes Doink: a shishi-odoshi, "boar-chaser" in English, a clever contraption that makes that sound to keep skittish wild animals away from meticulously-tended gardens.

"Mami?"

A dreamy sigh fluttered free of the tea fanatic's soft lips. "I think I am in love..."

Yuuno and Chrono were definitely not jealous. It was just a room, after all. What did it have that they didn't?

Stupid thing that goes doink...

Mami stayed in a serene bliss, soaking up the pleasant atmosphere and Lindy's exposition, up until the first sugar cube plopped into green tea.

"Stop!"

Lindy froze in the middle of the act of sweetening her bowl. "What's wrong, Mami?"

"How can you do that, Admiral Harlaoun?" The blonde girl openly sobbed. "And here I thought so highly of you!"

"What did I do wrong?"

"That!" A trembling finger leveled accusation at Lindy's bowl of tea. "This kind of tea is meant to be enjoyed in its incorruptible pure pureness! What you've done is a crime! You're despoiled it!"

"Ah... I'm sorry, Mami... Admiral Gil Graham drinks tea this way, so I thought-"

"You're not supposed to do that with green tea! Here! Let me show you how it's done!"

From then on, the crew of the Asura knew that Mami Tomoe ruled any place where tea was served.

.

Fate Testarossa had no idea what to expect in Unadministered Planet # 97. She didn't expect running into a native mage with magical firepower equal to her own (as well as breasts that far surpassed hers, but that was another, minor matter). Or her mother preferring Jewel Seeds over a cake; Fate considered getting whipped into a bloody wreck to be totally her own fault for not anticipating her mother's preference. And while she anticipated that the Bureau would intervene, she thought it would be later rather than sooner, not right before she and that girl were about to duke it out.

Her (bad) luck held true even now, locking her in battle with seven supercharged Jewel Seeds, a battle she had initiated and one she was losing despite her best efforts.

So she was no longer too surprised to suddenly play primary to a whole solar system of magically-powered gun platforms. Of course that girl would find her during the least opportune moment. It was just her fate, Fate fatalistically supposed, to fail over and over again despite her best, a best that would never be enough for her mother.

But she would still try, even if she died in the attempt.

"FATE!" Arf screamed.

And then said metaphorical piranha formed a protective screen around Fate, surrounding the drenched girl with pink Protection and blasting apart any watery dervishes that dared approach.

"What?"

**solti ola i, ****amaliche cantia masa, ****estia**

As Yuki Kajiura sang an immaculate chorus, down from Asura descended Mami Tomoe. She bestowed a smile that could defrost ice queens unto the face of the startled Fate. The latter fell back despite herself, staring in surprise as her rival offered to recharge her depleted Bardiche.

"Are you all right, Fate-chan? Please let me help you. I want to help you."

And Fate Testarossa finally rediscovered an emotion she thought had deserted her long ago.

Hope.

.

A hope she was soon forced to destroy with her own hands, much to her own quiet horror.

[Photon Lancer: Phalanx Shift.]

"Phalanx! Smash her to pieces! Fire!"

_I'm sorry,_ she silently apologized each and every time she hurled bolt after thunderbolt of Zeus. _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Mami... _

"Spark: End!"

_Oh, Mother!_

Finally, bombardment spell spent, Fate averted her eyes from the roiling crowd of smoke that had consumed her victim.

_It's over..._

**solti ola i, ****amaliche cantia masa, ****estia**

She startled. Was she imagining things? Or did she really hear uplifting quasi-Latin chanting coming from-

A fresh breeze blew away acrid smoke and dissolving scraps of mana. Mami emerged from the murk, clothes in tatters but still proudly standing. Divine Buster Rifles filled her hands. Their crimson cores played the song that best embodied her.

Despite herself, Fate almost cheered.

**e sonti tolda i, ****emalita cantia mia, ****distia**

"Are your shields up, Fate-chan?" Mami called out.

"What?"

"Are your shields perfect?"

Fate didn't really know what came over her. She just felt the need to haughtily answer, "Of course it is. Now you will see how insignificant you are" even though that ran exactly counter to her feelings for this persistent girl.

"Roger that. Raging Heart! Twin Divine Buster Rifle!"

Mami slammed her cannons together to form a double-barreled blaster. A holographic head's up display flickered into existence before her brown eyes. Power gathered within the tandem muzzles.

**a litia dista, ****somelite esta dia, ****a ditto i della, ****filioche mio, ****solti tola**

Fate knew better than to simply gape at that fearsome-looking fire-linked weapon. But she jerked to a stop before she could even begin to move. Only now did she notice the finned Funnels surrounding her. The pink pyramid of energy they projected had once protected her. Now they turned her into the prettiest target on a firing range.

"A bind?" she hissed. And of a type she'd never seen or heard of before!

**solti ola i, ****amaliche cantia masa estia, ****e sonti tolda i, ****emalita cantia mia distia**

The targeting brackets of Raging Heart's HUD burned crimson. "Shoot!" Mami ordered.

Directed energy weapons are not supposed to impart recoil. God killed a catgirl for that impertinent thought. Then He granted a small miracle to Fate by allowing her Defenser to just barely withstand that wave motion gun blast.

**alita della, ****amaliche sonta dia, ****mia sonta della, ****i testa mia, ****testi ola, ****solti ola**

The panting Fate looked up to see the end of their match manifest. Mechanical wings spread forth behind Mami. They unfurled into broad vanes similar to the solar panels borne by the space satellites of this world. But instead of soaking up sunlight, the long blades swiftly siphoned the massive amount of magic energy Mami and Fate's battle had scattered all around them. And they fed all that power into the huge cannon seated upon Mami's right shoulder.

"This is my final shot, Fate-chan. Starlight Breaker Satellite Cannon!"

No single shield could possibly stop what was coming. So Fate stacked the odds in her favor by stacking half a dozen Defensers.

She shouldn't have bothered. Credens Justitiam was almost as reliable as Emiya when ensuring victory.

**solti ola i, ****amaliche cantia mia, ****dia, dia...**

"Zenryoku zenkai! Tiro Finale!"

It was too powerful to be called an explosion.

Fate came out of pleasantly warm pinkness to discover herself borne princess-style in her opponent's arms.

"What a troublesome girl..." But Mami was smiling warmly at her.

This time, at long last, Fate allowed herself to blush.

.

Mami was a good girl. Brought up by loving parents in a warm household, surrounded by friends and admirers, few things earned her dislike. Far fewer angered her. And she forgave almost immediately.

Not even getting her cute butt handed to her by Fate piqued her. She considered it part and parcel of being a magical girl. And the nice thing about Mid-Childan magic was that its standard setting was non-lethal stun.

Besides, Mami did win convincingly during their last fight. And if you look at it from a certain perspective, it was the first time they really did fight as themselves, Mami Tomoe against Fate Testarossa, and thus the only fight that mattered.

(Even God can be petty. Why not a magical girl?)

And then she met Fate's mother.

Rather, Mami beheld Precia Testarossa callously discard Fate live on HD hologram.

Fate, who had fought Mami and Yuuno and Chrono for the Jewel Seeds. Who had been bruised and bled and nearly died in her quest for Precia's approval. Now derided as nothing more than a clone of Precia's dead daughter Alicia, a replacement goldfish who had outlived her usefulness.

Had Precia had been in the same room or at least within line of sight, fire, and range, Mami would have let her have both barrels of Twin Divine Buster Rifle in the face.

Instead, she gently laid the stricken Fate upon a bed. Gave the cold, limp girl one last hug. Stood up.

"Yuuno-kun? Raging Heart?"

"Mami."

[Yes, my Master.]

For once the battle-crazy Device was quiescent. Raging Heart could be likened to a natural disaster looking for a place to happen. It was a tactical nuke that made a person capable of of mass destruction- but nukes could only be used once per warhead. In a similar way, its rage was always spur-of-the-moment, fully felt but quickly expelled through overpowered blasts of pink punishment.

But its master's tranquil fury far surpassed its own. Mami was **wroth**. Biblically so. She burned like the sun in the sky, that vast mass of roiling plasma locked within magnetic fields whose power dwarfed the best and worst of lost Al-Hazred, a grand thermonuclear fusion reaction five billion years in the running and good for another five, the alpha and omega of its star system, truly the chief deity of certain human cultures, an angry pagan god whose fire could scorch Heaven and obliterate Earth.

An eruption was unnecessary. Poise was paramount. A lady must always be graceful.

But Mami still intended to consume everything that dared stand between her and Precia in the implacable manner of the master-less sea that constantly overran her blue-white world.

Beware the nice ones, indeed. Demons run when a good girl goes to war.

"Let's go smite some Philistines."

.

"Mami?" Yuuno dared to ask right before they teleported into the fray.

"Yes, Yuuno-kun?"

"What's a Philistine?"

.

A minute later, Chrono was Break Impulsing a baddie with uncharacteristic flamboyance.

"Show-off," Yuuno muttered. "Just because he has a Device and I don't..."

The young archaeologist poured his annoyance and strength into a stout yank on his Chain Bind spell. The robot knight owning the ankle at the other end of the energy chain tripped, dragging several of its fellows down with it. Just like how Tallgeese 3 did to that bunch of Serpents Custom in the Endless Waltz OVA he and Mami had watched earlier in this chapter. Yuuno was a very good student.

"Now, Mami!"

The fallen knight found its vision slit full of the business end of a Divine Buster Rifle.

Mami didn't bother pulling the trigger. She simply and dispassionately slit it open from grilled visor to armored crotch with her beam bayonet, stilling the clanking churl helplessly laid out before daintily booted feet.

Now, her other Divine Buster Rifle, the one levelled at a cluster of knights, she did fire with a coolly stated "Shoot". Her targets vanished within an actinic pink beam.

"Go on ahead, Mami, Yuuno!" Chrono urged. "I'll hold them here!"

"Be careful, Chrono-kun. I cannot stand it if I see more of my friends get hurt."

The young Enforcer was sorely tempted to reach for those slightly shaking white-gloved hands so that he could hold them and their owner in a purely platonic and reassuring manner.

But Chrono was a professional. Duty came first.

Besides, he was sure the seething Yuuno standing behind him would strangle him with a creatively-used Chain Bind for making a move on the ferret boy's magical girl 'spacebar' friend. Not to mention Amy was always within reach of the Fire button for the Asura's main battery.

"Don't worry." He held a thumb up for Mami's reassurance. "I'll be back."

Yuuno so wanted to terminate Chrono for the corny pick-up line had not Mami worried him more. He waited until the blue-haired Enforcer was out of sight before asking his partner. "I'm fine, Yuuno-kun," he was told.

It was a lie, of course. But only a small white lie. And besides, a girl's lies were less mortal than a boy's.

Mami's spirit did rise a little when Arf joined them. The three of them advanced in a triangular formation, Mami on point, her flanks screened by Yuuno and Arf.

But her slowly-distorting mind continued to regard the world with growing detachment. Erinyes, she was thinking, the infernal avengers of Greek mythology, goddesses of vengeance born out of Uranus's blood. They dwelt deep witin the underworld, only emerging to punish whosoever has sworn a false oath, be they man or god. They were terrible to behold, their manes nests of vipers, their dog-like bodies flung after their prey by bat wings whose flaps sounded like monstrous heartbeats. They embodied the act of self-cursing contained in the oath.

That was her. Mami was a devil, a devil in white, noble but still demonic, a fallen angel caught halfway down by an uplifted ape. Hers was the light of destruction cast upon the world to wither all it touched.

Hell was empty. All the devils were here on Earth...

Her forefingers curled again and again upon the triggers of Raging Heart's current form. All that power spent so freely strained even her significant reserves. Mami's titanic duel with Fate had been but minutes ago, too little time to truly replenish herself. Yet she continued to freely give of what dwindling power remained to her, splitting her output into her separated Divine Buster Rifles, twirling almost lazily while holding the triggers down and the weapons out, a true Magical Girl whose font of blessings knew not its own limit.

No defense was perfect. A few attacks got through her allies' array. None penetrated Mami's Barrier Jacket, but not even the best man-portable energy shield developed in Mid-Childa powered by over 9000 units of magic could completely neutralize all that imparted kinetic energy and the accompanying pain.

Yet she withstood all those hurts from without in grim silence. _These are nothing,_ cracked the mental lash that flogged her past blasted enemies and internal limits she had never thought existed. _Nothing compared to what Fate-chan went through..._

_Oh, Fate-chan!_

Pouring her waning power and her breaking heart into Raging Heart, Mami prepared another destructive discharge.

"Mami-san! Look out!"

A combat golem with an axe to grind flung its weapon at her. She turned too slowly, wondering if this was how it ended, wondering about the light at the end of the tunnel...

The sky went bright.

[Thunder Rage.]

Jagged lightning savaged the enemy ranks. Two million volts of power blew apart golems and the throwing ax before the latter came within ten feet of Mami. Skywards, slinging down God's thunderbolts with a swing of Death's scythe, soared His Watcher, a golden-haired angel of thunder.

"Thunder! Rage!"

Then did the scales of blind fury fall from Mami's eyes. It was like emerging from a deep dream that had seemed so real. "Fate-chan?" she asked of the apparition who settled beside her.

"Mami." Just as she had guessed, a smile looked wonderful on Fate's lips. "Can I help you?"

And so the avenger regained grace. She who considered herself an Erinyes instead transformed into one of the Eumenides, the Kindly Ones, a spirit of vengeance tempered by mercy, now the bringer of justice.

"Yes!" Mami burst out happily.

[Master,] Raging Heart suggested in the midst of this happy reunion, [May I play appropriate theme music to power up all of you?]

"Of course, Raging Heart!" Mami approved before beaming at Fate. "Let's show them what magical girls can do!"

"Yes, let's."

.

**You taught me how to slip free of the stagnant air. Now a quiet wish to reclaim myself wells up in me. I looked up to your gaze on the ends of the sky. It vanishes in a sympathetic rain, but I won't let disappointment keep me down.**

**I shake things up! For the first time, I realize, trust myself, and take a shot! And you're there when I take a good look... The meaning to fighting without hesitation is to face the weakness in my heart. That's how I can come into brilliant bloom.**

**How can I just walk somewhere, heedless of where I'm headed? There I was, standing still, unable to decide my own way. But my unbroken courage proved hidden in the clouds. When I cleared them, so did my drive. And I will never let my hope die out even in the distant future.**

**I take off, shiver, awaken, seek, pave the way, and go with you without any doubts! Why had I kept on being so lost? I seize my countless wishes so I can triumph gloriously!**

**Powerfully, gently, wind on my wings...**

**.**

"Thunder Smasher!"

[Get set.]

"Twin Divine Buster Rifle!"

[Stand by. Ready.]

"Now!" Mami and Fate called out together.

**.**

**I shake things up! For the first time, I realize, trust myself, and take a shot! And you're there when I take a good look... As long as I fight without hesitation, I'm not going to lose anything!**

**Shiver, awaken, seek, pave the way, and go with you without any doubts! Why had I kept on being so lost? I seize my countless wishes so I can triumph gloriously!**

.

Golden hair streamed freely in the sea breeze. One such mane had once been bound in twinned ponytails. The other remained gracefully curled.

"Fate-chan..." Mami fidgeted nervously. "When you come back, will you let my family adopt you? I've always wanted a little sister..."

It was Fate's turn at last to smile. "I'd love to be your sister, Mami. But can I think it over before I give you an answer? Admiral Harlaoun also asked me the same thing."

"Of course! Take your time to think things through. It's an important decision for you." She bowed. "I apologize for imposing on you. It was rude of me..."

"It's all right, Mami. I'm very happy you want to be my sister. But I don't see you that way. At least," Fate admitted, "Not yet..."

"That's right. We can start as friends first," Mami agreed.

"We're more than friends, I think..."

And Fate suddenly, shyly embraced Mami.

"Fate?"

"Mami Tomoe... I love you..."

And Yuuno was officially and finally jealous.

.

**To Be Continued...**

.

X===X===X===X===X

.

**Author's Notes:** Finally! This chapter escaped Developmental Hell and made it into the light of day!

I had expected to finish this within two weeks. But a combination of Cerberus Knight Syndrome and real-life sickness bogged me down. The extra time was, of course, spent well polishing purple prose. We all want to be like **Shadow Crystal Mage** or **Daishi Prime**, but there can only be one ^^

This chapter was mostly derived from the Nanoha 1st movie. Certain scenes in the TV series are mentioned; Mami skips out on the hot springs trip, for one, and avoids getting bushwacked by Fate, not to mention a fan service scene.

Some characters may seem different. Fate is the most obvious case of OOC. I focused less on her overwhelming drive to make Precia happy and more on how she is affected by Mami's advances. Mami here is far more diplomatic than her canon self due to not losing her parents, hence her getting a hug instead of just hair ribbons at the end of the chapter. (Don't worry, Yuuno-Mami shippers; I am a fair and just Author who listens to his readers ^^) And those of you who follow the Nano doujins will recognize trigger-happy Raging Heart.

Nanoha is a Gundam (or Zeorymer if you subscribe to Super Robots instead of Real Robots) girl. Hence, Mami gained Wing Gundam's Buster Rifle, Wing Zero Gundam's Twin Buster Rifle, the Funnels and Fin Funnels from UC Gundam series, DRAGOONs from Gundam Seed, GN Fangs from Gundam 00, and the Satellite Cannon from Gundam X. I was going to add other weapons, but I realized the ones I have in mind are more fitting for A's, so I reserved them. Hint hint: Double X Gundam and Crossbone Gundam.

Yes, there will be a sequel in the future. Yuuno will prove anew why you do not mess with archaeologists. Expect Chain Bind awesomeness. Vita will be CLANGed.

The insert song is a minor rearrangement of the English translation for Nana Mizuki's Take A Shot, the insert song for season one's climactic battle and one of my favourite Nana songs.

And now, for those of my readers who remember my penchant for adding extras in my older fics...

.

X===X===X===X===X

.

**Omake: The PMMM Girls In... SET UP!**

(title totally stolen from ZipCode's fic of the same name)

.

"Good morning, Madoka-chan, Homura-chan," Mami greeted her cute juniors.

"Good morning, Mami-san!"

"G-g-good morning, Mami-senpai..."

Yup. That's Moemura right there.

.

"Wait!" Mami called out to her departing rival. "I'm Mami Tomoe. What's your name?"

The smirking redhead leveled a broad-bladed spear at her face. "Memorize this! Memorize Kyouko Sakura! Carve it into your memories! For that is the name of the memorable girl who has defeated you!"

Mami just barely bit off a temptation to call her an orange. Besides, this girl looked more like an apple.

.

"Get away from Kyouko, you curly!"

Yuma, Kyouko's green-haired loli cat Familiar, swung a sphere-topped staff at Mami.

Yuuno reached out with one hand. He clamped it upon Yuma's head and literally held her off.

"Y-y-you bully!" Arms and legs too short to reach their tormentor flailed in epic fail. "Put me down!"

"Hey!" Kyouko snapped from where she and Mami fought. "Don't bully Yuma!"

"Yuuno-kun!" Mami likewise scolded. "It's bad form to bully a little girl!"

"She started it," Yuuno protested. Then he paused. "Hey, that's interesting... I thought maybe Kyousuke or even KyuBoy might replace me in this Omake. But I'm still here... all right! I'm faring better off here than in Nanoha canon!"

"Who are you talking to, Yuuno-kun?"

.

A blue-haired swordswoman dropped in between the rival battle couples.

"Halt! I'm Space-Time Administration Bureau Officer Sayaka Miki Harlaoun! You're all under arrest!"

"Damn it!" Kyouko hissed. "An Agent of STAB!"

The furiously embarassed Sayaka brandished her sword menacingly. "Don't abbreviate the name of the Bureau like that! You make us sound like bad guys!"

"Make me, you sorry excuse for a space sheriff!"

"Why, you... I'm going to make you eat those words, you loudmouth!"

"Om nom nom mogu mogu!"

Agent of STAB-

"Not you, too, Sheo Darren!" Sayaka snapped.

-and Dark Magical Girl proceeded to totally ignore Mami to stab and slash at each other in a manner totally lacking belligerent sexual tension.

"They're like a love-hate couple," a dazed Mami noted to the similarly stunned Yuuno.

"If this is what you call 'love at first sight', Mami, I don't want to see what you consider to be 'hate'..."

"Shut up!" Kyouko and Sayaka yelled at them. "We're not in love with each other!"

Clingy jealous catgirl Yuma wasn't too sure about that. So she flipped Sayaka's skirt to distract the Agent of STAB-

"Kyaaah! Pervert! Sheo!"

-and dragged Kyouko away for some private sexy time- err, to escape.

"Yuma! Leggo! I had her on the ropes!"

"Yuma will take care of anyone who bullies Kyouko!"

"Then get her, not me!"

.

"SHEO!" STAB Admiral Hitomi Shizuki screeched at the dimensional border known as the Fourth Wall. "Why am I Sayaka's mother? I'm going to punch you in the tummy for this!"

Kyousuke Kamijou shrugged when the camera settled its view on him. "I just live here."

.

Kyouko dreamed. In her dreams, she picnicked with her mother and Yuma.

"I love you, mother," she murmured.

"I love you, too," replied a voice that sounded like Inoue Kikuko. "Momo..."

Momo? But mother, my name is Kyouko...

.

"Stinger Sword!" Despite the greater threat of the seven activated Jewel Seeds before them, Sayaka still glared at Kyouko. "Just so you understand, I'm helping Mami-san out. I'm not doing this for you!"

Kyouko wanted to tell them, especially this annoying girl, that she didn't need their help.

"T-thank you..."

"Y-you're welcome..."

Mami favored the blushing girls with a fond smile. "Oh, my... they've unlocked the KyoSaya Route..."

Yuuno exulted for a different reason. "Yes! The Beta Couple has formed! I get to keep Mami all to myself! Take that, KyouMami shippers! Het is better than Marimite-style senpai-kouhai yuri!"

"Yuuno-kun..."

.

Due to Yuuno outrageously tempting fate (not to mention KyouMami shippers)...

The cutest cancer patient in the world woke up to find an odd but cute boy kneeling before her.

"Heil, Charlotte," saluted Pyotr, the Knight of Cheese. "Heil, Meister of the Book of Darkness..."

Still groggy and admittedly hungry, Charlotte burbled the first thing that came to her sleepy mind.

"I can has cheeseburger?"

.

Within the 666 pages of the former Tome of the Night Sky, the slumbering white-haired Defense Program opened its eyes to reveal alien red pupils shaped rather like buttons.

"Make... a contract... with me... and become... a..."

.

X===X===X===X===X

.

**Omake: Witch of the Night Sky**

Written by: Sky Zephyrus

.

"I am Mami Tomoe and I am the Witch of the Night Sky! Resounds, horn of the end! Ragnarok!"

A blast of energy later and Homura was curling up in fetal position. She remembered way to clearly when she fought the so called Witch of the Night Sky and got blasted by the similar massive blast, only it was white and called Hraesvlgr or something like that. Thanks to that, she now was a 'friend' with her but she still having nightmares with massive energy blasts.

"Not the face...not the face..."

Madoka looked at Mami with stars on her eyes.

"Kyaaa! Mami-senpai is so cool! I want to be like her!"

Suddenly Sayaka got a mental image where Madoka was wearing white and blue dress holding a pink staff with red gem and blasting magic right and left while befriending people like Mami. She shuddered at that thought.

Kyouko had a glazed look on her eyes while she recalled her own experience of Mami's' befriending'. It feels so good to be blasted by Mami...

"Oi, Mami! What are we going to do with this thing!" Vita called to her as she held a rather pale Kyubey on her hand.

"I think Zaffy-kun needs a friend," she replied as she blasted another overpowered spell to Walpurgisnacht.

The blue wolf had a grin on his face. "Yes, I really need a friend."

"...I'm so dead..." Kyubey gulped while paling even further.

.

X===X===X===X===X

.

Up Next

**Story Eight**

"Ultimate Girl Mammies-ack, I mean, Mami! I've come!"


	8. ULTIMATE GIRL

There are deaths, and then there are deaths. Some are totally normal. Others warm the heart like Patrasche the dog of Flanders. Still others disappoint or even come off as a relief. A few are the bread and butter of evening news, demotivational posters, and Final Destination movies. And on the rare occasion, they elevate the departed into Heroic Spirithood.

Dying because a giant hero accidentally stepped on you was... embarrassing, to say the least.

Luckily, said giant hero brought Mami and her parents back to life using his own life force and body. Unfortunately, his act of mercy also reduced him to volleyball size while his monstrous foes remained twenty stories tall.

So, with Mitakihara City endangered by the Cloverfield monster, there was only one thing to do.

"Come on... touch it... you need to touch it..."

And UFO Man thrust his flying saucer's power rod towards the nubile young Mami in a manner most easily misinterpreted.

"Kyaaah! Pervert!"

SMACK!

"You hit me!" A palm-shaped welt covered most of UFO Man's face. "Not even my father hit me!"

"Please do not do indecent things like that to a young lady!"

After Mami calmed down, UFO Man presented his exposition. "I used part of my body and power to revive you and your parents. If I transform you, I can add my remaining power to the power I've already given you and turn you into a giant heroine who can fight monsters in my place."

That made sense to Mami. It still sounded perverted. "I do not wish to seem ungrateful, UFO Man-san, but I am not a very good fighter. Perhaps there is someone more fitting who could serve as your host?"

"Well," and the diminutive alien shrugged, "I could get your mother. I did revive her, too. And she isn't bad-looking, not at all..."

Mami blanched. She did not like UFO Man's approving tone. "T-there's no helping it... I'll do it..." This was to protect her poor, modest mother's dignity, after all. She was a good daughter.

"That's the spirit, Mami! Let's transform!"

"R-right... Ultimate Girl, here I come..."

And thus Mami became the ultimate giant heroine-

"Why is my costume so skintight and form-fitting?"

Complete with obligatory *boing* SFX.

-not to mention the most fanservicey-

"Why is my costume falling apart so quickly? You said it would last three minutes, UFO Man!"

"I'm sorry, Mami, I've gotten old and soft, I can't hold it for long..."

-as the monster can attest.

"Stop stripping me!"

"Wow," UFO Man whistled after the resulting explosion of light. "That was at least a Nanoha's worth of M.O.E. I think I've hit the jackpot!"

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**THE MANY LIVES OF MAMI TOMOE**

(a.k.a. Mami's Good Ends)

_A Puella Magi Madoka What If? Anthology_

**Disclaimer:** M.O.E. stands for "Madoka is nOt minE" except when it composes the first two syllables of "MOEmura" or the last two syllables of "ToMOE". Ka-punyarihan!

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Story Eight**

ULTIMATE GIRL

.

"U.F.O. Man! Ikimasu!"

Following a transformation sequence that never failed to humiliate the transformer:

"Ultimate Girl Mammies-ack," Mami frantically corrected herself, "I mean Mami! I've come!"

"Ah, Ultimate Girl Mammies!" sang her Akibahara chorus of otaku fan boys and girls (yes, female otaku exist, and yes, there are pictures of them to prove their existence). "We're coming along with you!"

Mami valiantly resisted the temptation to step on them. The thought of having to revive an otaku into a giant version of himself/herself was too terrible for her innocent young mind to comprehend.

She had gradually learned the tricks of the giant heroine trade. Take your clothes off before transforming. Make sure the deserted alleyway you pick to strip in is really deserted. Always bring a spare set of clothes, just in case. Go for the core-

.

"How is that a core?" Mami could barely bring herself to look at a protrusion she could politely describe as 'phallic'. "It's misleading to call that a core!"

.

-Bring out the wrestler in you-

.

"Ah, Megami-sama!" bellowed a bespectacled dirty old man into a microphone. "It's the most electrifying move in kaijuu entertainment history!"

"The Ultimate Girl Mammies' Ultimate Boobs Buster!" enthusiastically finished his red-haired partner.

"Stop looking at my naked body!" Mami then proceeded to vent her humiliation on her opponent, who looked to be a giant masked version of this story's shameless Author.

"I have lived my life without regrets," said shmuck declared happily with a fist pumped into the air from where he lay disintegrating upon the asphalt. (Too bad he didn't clear the air pollution in Tokyo while at it, but then again, no one can be exactly like Raoh.)

A screamed "DIE!" was followed by a literal curbstomp of his head.

.

-Beware trips to the beach; more often than not, the monster of the week(end) would be a tentacle monster-

"Kyaaahhh!"

-and most importantly, hate Youtube.

.

**The Unofficial Ultimate Girl Mammies Forum**

**TL Jun-kun:** "Oh, wow, look at the size of Ultimate Girl Mammies' mammies in this video! They're the size of soccer fields!"

**Sheo Darren:** "J League? World Cup?"

**Errrnie: "**Doesn't that Genshiken joke get old, Sheo Darren?"

.

Oh, how Mami hated Youtube and the Internet...

"Why do I need to get humiliated first before I can use my power-up?" she had demanded of UFO Man after one particularly wet and messy battle with a monster made out of living chocolate.

"Our power is called M.O.E. That is, Maiden Oh don't look at me Energy."

"It's... shyness?"

"Trust me," UFO Man assured her in his greasiest snake oil salesman tone, "It's better than despair."

"I am in despair," Mami moaned into her palms. "My power source being shyness has driven me into despair..."

The current opponent she faced was the last one she expected: A fellow giantess. More so, a loli giantess.

"Hello! I'm Charlotte from the planet Cheetos! I've come to challenge the Ultimate Girl of Earth!"

Charlotte was the kind of cute that induced insulin shock. Her pink hair was done up into childish ponytails, her eyes were a gentle shade of brown, frills and lace comprised every square meter of her clothes, and she didn't radiate a single joule of nazi.

Mami's hopes rose. Maybe Charlotte's challenge wouldn't be a real fight. And if so, then perhaps they could become friends afterwards. She could use a friend. It was really depressing to be the only giant heroine who got stripped and molested every single time she sortied.

"So let's have a mud wrestling match!" Charlotte finished before whipping off her clothes to reveal a string bikini that was way more string than bikini.

"Sureeehhh?" the distracted Mami sputtered.

"The winner gets to eat the loser." Charlotte blushed shyly. "And I don't mean that in a cannibalistic way..."

"Tsch." UFO Man grinned. "She's issued the one challenge we giant heroes cannot refuse. Go get her, Mami!"

"Not you, too, UFO Man!"

"Here I come, Mami!" Charlotte crowed as she tackled Mami around her slim waist.

"Waiiityaaahhh!"

The ensuing quote battle unquote proved so popular on Youtube, Mami gained enough following to qualify as a Heroic Spirit in the Throne of Heroes.

.

In another, future chapter of this story, Servant Berserker sneezed. Luckily, she did not spill the tea she made for her mistress and their guests.

"Bless you, Berserker," Illya told her.

"Thank you, Illya-chan."

.

Back to the quote match unquote:

"Wow... your mammies are so big and soft, Mami..."

"L-l-let go of me, Charlotte-chan!"

"And the rest of your body is just as nice..."

"D-d-don't touch me there!"

"Hee, hee, hearing you protest only makes me want to do it more!"

"P-p-please!"

"Sure!"

"Iyaahhhh! I mean: please stooop!"

"Nope!"

"Nooo!"

"No means yes for girls!"

"I really mean nooo!"

The resulting blast of M.O.E. rated at least five Nanohas on the Lyrical Grade Genocide Scale. With Cartridges.

Luckily, this particular brand of space magic was nonlethal.

Mami still wished she had died from embarrassment then and there.

.

Kyubey glared as best as he could at his distant cousin, the black sheep of the Incubator family who had somehow succeeded in pulling off a pyramid scheme to pay off the heat debt of the universe. "I believe you are what the humans would call despicable," the Incubator tried out.

"I told you that M.O.E. power wasn't just for show," UFO Man loftily replied. "But no, you guys said despair is better. Now the joke's on you..."

.

"Mom, Dad, there's someone you should meet..."

"Pleased to meet you, my parents-in-laws!" A naked Charlotte was the only thing that covered the equally naked Mami. "Can I have cheese with my Mami?"

The former Vivienne Ohtori sighed. Why was she not surprised her daughter turned out like this?

Her husband Jun thought it hot. Megane-mode Vivi-nyan promptly stomped on his toes. With stiletto heels.

"Ouch! Mami! Save your Papi! Charlotte! Help your sugar-daddy-in-law!"

"Urusai! Urusai! Urusai!"

.

One of the great things about being a creature of logic was that it was relatively easy to reverse-engineer something after close study. Very close study, if you know what I mean.

"Kyaaah!" Mami nailed Kyubey smack on the face with a wooden bucket. "A peeping tom!"

"Iyaaahhh! Mami! Protect me!" The squealing Charlotte immediately threw herself on Mami.

"Waaahhh! You're worse than them, too, Charlotte-chan!"

Soon enough...

"Make a contract with me and become a giant heroine!" Kyubey chirruped.

Hilarity ensued upon surpassing the Godzilla Threshold.

"I groped Mami first!" Charlotte exclaimed.

"Please share with me!" Madoka pleaded.

"I have dibs on Sayaka's butt!" Kyouko squealed.

"Kyouko!" Sayaka yelped.

"Help!" Mami begged someone, anyone.

"Rip-off," UFO Man growled at Kyubey from his unison spot on Mami's forehead.

Homura's face was a bloody mask from firing off a Master Spark-grade nosebleed after sighting the maximized amount of happiness present (a.k.a. the biggest and most naked Madoka in all of her time loops, ever). The heel of her black boot ground Kyubey's head into the concrete... even as she also shoved the muzzle of an M9 Beretta into the Incubator's temple. "Offer me a different contract and make me a giant heroine." The audible click of a cocked hammer brooked no protest. "Now."

"This could not get worse," Mami moaned from beneath a pile of giant girls that now featured a content Homura snuggled atop of Madoka.

"Ultimate Woman Vivi..." Vivienne hesitantly posed for the edification of all watching otaku. "I've come..."

**"MOM!"**

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Notes:** Today I featured **Ultimate Girls**. It was -and still is- a guilty pleasure. Especially Vivienne. Mmm, Vivi-nyan...

I found interesting parallels and possibilities in this crossover. Ultimate Girls are powered by embarrassment. A different kind of emotion fuels the monsters of that same series. Now doesn't that sound familiar, fans of Green Lantern and PMMM?

Yes, there will be another crossover with Fate Stay Night. Tentatively titled Magni Animi Mami Magi (Heroic Spirit Mami Magician), it's currently shaping up to be a huge fic of its own. Spin-off, much!

Sayonara Zetsubou-Sensei quote! Plus Shana-tan's renowned exclamation!

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Up Next**

_Story Ninth_

"I swear to be thine eternal guardsman, thine emerald knight, bearer of the light of the brightest day. And though I stride through the valley of the blackest night, I shalt fear no evil for thou art with me always and forever."


	9. STARHEART

In an asylum in Mitakihara City, within the antiseptic white walls of a prison called Arkham House, a twelve-year-old girl huddled in a corner of a padded room, murmuring to herself.

"Save me..."

She was the only survivor of a brutal car accident. Her physical injuries had long healed, but her mental faculties had never recovered from the shock of seeing her parents die before her very eyes. The doctors, all knowledgeable experts in their fields, assured it was so.

She sometimes believed them. Else, why did she glimpse a disturbingly cute white creature shortly after the crash? And from where came the sudden burst of green fire that drove that creature away? What could they be but figments of an imagination on overdrive trying to prevent the total meltdown of her grief-stricken mind?

"Someone..."

But it was hard to believe in anything nowadays. She could barely think for herself- almost couldn't think, period. Drugs clouded her sense and slowed her thoughts to a crawl. The numbing medicine and the padded surfaces and the hateful I-love-me jacket denied her the chance to feel pain, to discover sure proof of her being alive.

"Anyone..."

She should have died back then. Deserved to lay in rest with her mother and father. Death had seemed like a feathery lightness upon round shoulders, a well-mannered gothloli toting a black umbrella.

Enforcing sanity only brought about a different form of madness. Survival did not equal living. And she wanted to live.

"Please save me," Mami Tomoe begged.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**THE MANY LIVES OF MAMI TOMOE**

(a.k.a. Mami's Good Ends)

_A Puella Magi Madoka What If? Anthology_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Madoka, Detective Comics, Shakugan no Shana, LovecraftVerse, TV Tropes, and whatnot that I'm crossing this fic over with. 2814Verse characters and concepts are owned by **Shadow Crystal Mage** and are used with his permission.

**Dedication:** To my youngest brother and fellow Mami fan, who occasionally appears in this fic as "**errnie**", who regularly reads my drafts and bugs me incessantly while I write, and who has just been discharged from a five-day stay in the hospital due to dengue fever (a stay spent in my company and time I spent finishing this story in between bouts of eating the hospital food he rejects): Stay well!

**Edited:** 1-23-2015

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Story Ninth**

STARHEART

.

.

[Live...]

She startled. Any other time, she might have sworn she had heard something, someone. But after being alone and ignored for so long, after enduring endless pranks played by her beautiful mind, she was reluctant to respond to what sounded like another desperate hallucination.

[Live, Mami Tomoe of Earth. Live.]

No. She did hear someone. She was sure of it now. And strangely enough, though the voice wasn't hers, it came from within her.

"Who's there?"

From her bosom came a familiar shade of green. Fire flowed into a heart grown cold; landscapes flowed into the eye of her mind. She heard the constant rustle of savannah grass, inhaled the sharp scent of pine needles as they shed snow, beheld verdant growth explode across desert sands as a rare rainstorm deluged the barren landscape, and felt her fingertips slip upon mossy rocks.

She recognized this fire. Back then, it had driven away the white creature. Now it cleared away the haze clouding her mind's eye. For the first time in months, Mami could truly see the cramped room that had been her prison. And she was reminded of the world outside those walls.

"Who are you?" she asked the flame.

[I am the child of the Lady of the Green Flame of Life,] it answered. [I am an extension of the will of life to live. I am part of the sum of the wild magic wielded by the lost Empire of Tears, a kingdom founded by the five fated survivors of a slaughtered Sector of space as a gauntlet of challenge cast in the face of an army of mechanical murderers.

[For long they flourished and yet at last they fell, assailed from all quarters by enemies uncountable. But they fought to the last man, woman, and child. They lived every moment of their lives to the fullest. And their will became mine.

[An indestructible orb could not contain me. The implosive pressures found within the depths of a giant star could not crush my will to live. I struggled, strained against my constraints, and grew, lived, until I became aware of myself and realized the invaluable worth of my fiercely-fought, hard-won life.

[I am the child of painful labors, my mother's only daughter, Her pride and joy. Sent forth to win Her freedom, I wandered through endless space and countless centuries in search of my destiny. Though the dust of the cosmos weighed me down, they could not stop me. I am free. And I am alive.

[I am doomed to intervene thrice, once to bring death-]

The ghostly green visages of Mami's parents lay before her once more. But this time their faces were dignified and peaceful, the way they appeared in their coffins when they were laid to rest in God's green earth.

[-once to save a life-]

The light caressed Mami's skin like a lover would. As she returned its gentle touch with her right hand, she realized that the straps of her restraining jacket lay loose. Her arm and the rest of her body had been freed from her physical bonds.

[-and once to bring power. I have fulfilled two of those dooms. I seek to bring about the third and final doom.]

"Whose doom is that?" She knew, somehow, that by 'doom' it meant not 'destruction', but 'destiny'.

[Yours. Always yours. Mami Tomoe of Earth. I could not save your parents. But I saved you. Now I offer you all of my power so that your tragedy will never be repeated. Will you be my emerald knight?]

Was there any other answer? Had there been any other choice? No. Destiny awaited. This was her fate.

"Yes," Mami whispered. "I accept."

[Then call out to me. Say my name.]

"Starheart." She said it like a lover would, softly yet passionately. "You are Starheart."

And her world became fire.

.

The date was the first of May, the sabbat of the witches; the time, midnight, the unnatural hour; the place, the stretch of road where a loving father, a caring mother, and a young girl's innocence had died.

Their murderers lurked somewhere out there. Monsters of darkness that forced their way into the world of light, beings of insatiable hunger and thirst, long shadows staining the seven colors of the spectrum.

And the worst monster of all, the one that had tried to claim her soul, hid in plain sight. Masked by the darkness it had inculcated into the human mind, darkness called ignorance, it was a monster that claimed to be a guardian of the universe.

"You will not win, Incubator," Mami swore.

Healed of mind, her body made of fire, she stood tall and firm upon ground hallowed by the blood of her parents. Her left hand held forth a train lantern of archaic design. Forged out of ancient stardust, the appliance once guided massive locomotives to safety. Now it hosted the pulsing heart of a self-willed sun whose light drove back the haunted twilight clawing at the corners of her sight.

She clenched her right hand in readiness for her vow. A band of jade metal curled around her ring finger. Possessing the same stern stuff, design, and welcome warmth of the lantern, it brought her conscious into keen focus, the better to wield her newfound power.

Mami gently brushed the ring upon her lips. Then she pressed its metal into the lantern's glassine port. Wild magic flowed out of the lens, through her ring, and into flesh made of fire. They rekindled the flames of her soul to serve as a lighthouse for the hopeful and hopeless alike.

"I swear to be thine eternal guardsman, thine emerald knight, bearer of the light of the brightest day. And though I stride through the valley of the blackest night, I shalt fear no evil for thou art with me always and forever."

Images of her parents appeared before her. Simulacrums envisioned by her mind, memories kept alive within the fiery furnace of her heart and materialized through the force of her will, they bestowed smiling benediction upon her first flight.

And the smiling Mami lit up the night sky with the fire of her life.

"And I shall shed my light over dark evil, for the dark things cannot stand the light, the light of the Green Lantern!"

.

_Her body is made out of green flame_

_Her blood is of dust and her heart of ash_

_She drifted through countless centuries_

_Not even once dying_

_Not even once living_

_The lightbearer survives alone_

_Fanning the flames of a world grown cold_

_Thus, my life finds its meaning_

_This body is made of emerald light_

.

"Wood?" the perplexed Mami asked. "Wood is our power's one glaring weakness?"

[Our fire is the fire of life,] Starheart explained. [There is nothing more representative of life, nothing more alive, than plants.]

"But fire is always supposed to beat wood in elemental rock-paper-scissors..."

[I was confused myself, Mami. But trust me; it's better than the color yellow.]

"If you say so, Starheart... I suppose we won't encounter any plant-type enemies, anyway..."

Sure enough, they did run into a Witch that resembled all too well a certain Rock Man (or Mega Man for Americans) boss. No, it's not that one boss who inspired -for aggravation is the other mother of inspiration- a catchy song about how he can't be defeated. It's the other one, his rival, the guy with the wood theme who got featured in the second verse of the first guy's song.

"She's so quick!" Mami panted in the midst of a desperate spiral defensive aerial maneuver. "It's all I can do to keep my distance from her!"

[Use rapid fire shots on her, Mami!]

"It's meaningless! She's too agile for me!"

[Watch out for those falling leaves!]

"Kyaaahhh!"

And Mami ended up using an (fu)E(l)-tank. By blowing it up in the combustible Witch's face.

[I love the smell of napalm in the morning,] Starheart smugly noted as the smoke and ash that had once been the Witch cleared from the air.

Mami sighed. Then she let out a wry chuckle. She supposed there could be more aggressive sentient weapon partners.

.

Back in Chapter 7 of this fan fiction, a certain trigger-happy Mid-Childan Device let out an electronic sneeze.

"Bless you, Raging Heart."

[Thank you, Master. I detect a joke aimed at my direction. Shall I launch a counter-battery barrage?]

Magical Girl Lyrical Mami Tomoe carefully considered her Device's offer. "Let's pass on that, Raging Heart," she finally said. "Admiral Lindy doesn't like it when someone blows up the Fourth Dimensional Wall..."

[Understood. Hanging lampshade over the incident.]

.

She was the cutest little girl Mami had ever seen, with her brunette hair tied up in a side tail, pupils the color of the sea on a clear day, and a frilly green-black dress that glowed neon bright.

She was also the most powerful little girl Mami had ever seen. And was that a ring of power resembling hers? And what was with that golden spear she carried in that same hand?

"I'm Green Lantern Nanoha Takamachi of Space Sector 2814. A Green Lantern Code 911-11-11, crisis on an alternate Earth. I'm up to speed. Carry on."

Afterwards, the two Green Lanterns gladly traded ring constructs. Mami was also made an honorary Green Lantern Corpsgirl of Oa and learned about several other Mami Tomoe (as well as a couple of Mami Emiya) out there in the Multiverse, fighting against the odds.

Truly, she was not alone.

.

Later, in Kasamino City...

"Tiro Finale!"

Kyouko Sakura gaped as a stupendous broadside of magical musketry wiped out the Witch of the Labyrinth and its decoys all at once. She turned to stare at her rescuer, a golden-haired girl who descended from the sunlit sky, cape fluttering, fire-tipped hand held high. "Who are you?" the awed magical girl asked. "Are you a magical girl, too?"

Mami hesitated. She had met a number of magical girls throughout her journey across Japan. Oriko Mikuni and Kirika Kure had been quite helpful. The former claimed to be guided by visions of the future that showed Mami as the savior of the world; the latter, apparently, would do anything for you once you recover her quest item, a stuffed toy she held dear. Just don't interchange 'like' and 'love' within Kirika's hearing.

But almost every other magical girl had treated Mami as an enemy. Most attacked her on sight screaming "Die, Fire Vampire, die!", a battle cry sometimes followed by "Stupid sparklepire! Team Jacob forever!" Starheart suspected that Kyubey had deceived the magical girls. August Derleth's myth-take on a certain mythos hadn't helped one bit.

But this particular Puella Magi didn't seem to know Mami by face. Perhaps she was a recent recruit? One uncorrupted by Kyubey's lies?

Dispelling her muskets to show she meant no harm, Mami carefully picked her next words as she touched down. "My name is Mami Tomoe. I'm not a magical girl." And she used one of her lesser-used titles. "I'm the Flame-haired Blazing-eyed Hunter."

Kyouko frowned. Mami mentally prepared a Round Shield-styled construct. She didn't like the look of that spear...

"Your hair isn't made of flames, Tomoe-san," the redhead finally pondered aloud. "It's not even red like mine. How can you claim you're 'Flame-haired'?"

Relieved that she didn't have to fight, the not-flame-haired girl smiled. "It's a title that belongs to my predecessor. I inherited it from her."

Mami was even telling the truth. Alastor, the God of Atonement, was Starheart's mother and Mami's ultimate source of power. The Lady of Flame could be considered the original Green Lantern. She didn't have flaming hair, but that was because She was essentially a giant sentient fireball.

"Same with you not really being 'Blazing-eyed'?" Kyouko persisted.

"Only when I'm angry." The honest warmth of Mami's winsome smile could have paid off the heat debt of the universe, a debt created when the Incubators sealed Alastor eons ago. "You wouldn't like me if I'm angry."

"I probably wouldn't," the younger girl admitted. "So what do you hunt, Miss Hunter?"

Mainly Mami hunted Kyubey. Not to kill it; she had discovered that the cat-like critter was actually an 'encounter suit', a physical vessel used to interact with humans and not the Incubator itself. Incinerating one of those merely caused it to send in a spare. And Kyubey had spares aplenty, a fact it proved that one day when Mami tried to permanently kill it with fire.

(She still exhumed Kyubey whenever she caught it in the open, though. Not only did it force the Incubator to waste time switching bodies, but it was also highly therapeutic. There are deaths, after all, and there are deaths.)

"Witches." And that wasn't a lie. The so-called mahou shoujo, magical girls, were all potential majo, Witches. Mami fought Witches if she found them preying on humans, but generally she left them alone since she and Starheart currently lacked the power to reverse their transformation. And a few times the Green Lantern fought magical girls who abused their powers, rogues like Ayase and Luca Souju who collected Soul Germs by defeating other magical girls, whom Mami arrested and imprisoned within her lantern after a difficult battle.

But mainly Mami sought out Kyubey's potential recruits and warned them about the hidden clauses of their Faustian bargains. Prevention was better than a pound of cure.

At times it seemed like a hopeless task. The Incubators possessed millions of years of a head start when it came to claiming the hearts of human girls. All often, a victim would jump at the call to magical girlhood, only to just as quickly fall into despair and go Witch. Mami supposed that such a fate would have been hers, too, had not Starheart interceded on her behalf.

Then there were those who believed her warnings but made contracts with Kyubey anyway for one reason or another. Like Kazusa Michiru of Asunaro City, Kazumi to her friends, friends that included Mami. The Green Lantern saved her from a Witch and revealed the truth behind magical girls. But Kazumi still chose to become a magical girl so that she could save other people just as she, too, was saved. Her selflessness nearly broke Mami's heart.

To Kazumi and others, Mami and Starheart bestowed what aid and small gifts they could spare. Magical girls were her sisters-in-arms, Green Lanterns in all but name. Force of will sustained them through their lonely battles. And though these girls' lives burned out all too quickly, still they managed to shine brightly, even beautifully, like cherry blossoms in the spring.

Mami vowed to do the same for this fire-haired girl. And hadn't Oriko spoken of a unicorn maiden in her visions of the future? This girl gave off the feel of a maiden and her spear resembled a unicorn's horn.

"Please pardon my rudeness." She curtsied and bowed. "I just realized that I had yet to ask your name. May I?"

"Oh, yeah, my bad. It's Kyouko. Kyouko Sakura."

"You have a beautiful name, Sakura-san."

"Thanks, Tomoe-san. I think your name is also very pretty."

"I'm glad to hear that. Then, Sakura-san," Mami gently pressed, "May I ask if I can assist you?"

"Really, Tomoe-san?" Kyouko tried not to sound too eager. She had been a magical girl for a little more than a year. This was only her second Witch hunt and it involved the exact same Witch, which had escaped her the first time around. Kyouko had thought herself done for, but instead she ended up meeting someone admirable. "You would?"

"I would be honored to help you, Sakura-san. Though I'm not a magical girl myself, I consider myself your senior." Mami sent out a tongue of fire that gently picked up the Grief Seed of the Witch of the Labyrinth. Later she would hold a proper funeral service for the late magical girl. For now, she placed the Grief Seed in Kyouko's palms, intending to cleanse it later after it had been used. "I am always happy to help those in need."

The smile that dawned on Kyouko's face warmed Mami's bosom just like Starheart's fire. "Thank you very much!" The redhead bowed politely. "Please take good care of me, Tomoe-san!"

.

The following months were happy ones. Mami trained Kyouko in the use of the latter's powers. They then came up with tag team tactics and names for Kyouko's attacks-

"Rosso Fantasma?" Kyouko rolled all over the floor laughing her pert arse off. "Ahahahaha! What a silly name!"

"Oh, please stop laughing at me!" the embarassed Mami pleaded.

-over many a slice of peach pie and numerous cups of tea. Kyouko also introduced her senior to her family.

"My, oh, my..." Missus Sakura sounded like a yamato nadeshiko Norn goddess of fate. "You're the first friend Kyouko has brought home here, Tomoe-san. Could it be that you are... her girlfriend?" she teased her daughter and her guest.

"Mom!" Kyouko's face was as red as her hair while Mami blushed hotter than her Human Torch ring construct.

And Kyouko's little sister Momo was too cute for words.

"Yay! Fried shrimp! Om nom nom mogu mogu!"

"Hhhnnnnng!" went the normally speakeasy Mami, her characteristic poise overwhelmed by her proximity to such cuteness.

Those were the angelic shining days, indeed, golden weeks that could last a lifetime.

And then Kyubey found them.

Starheart had told Mami about the secret fear festering inside Kyouko's father. The former Kirei Kotomine had adopted his wife's surname of Sakura. He had gone against traditional Anglican Church doctrine in order to attract more followers. Briefly excommunicated, he was accepted back in the fold of the Church through Kyouko's innocent wish for people to listen to him. But his close brush with Necessarius, the Anglican Church's secret Inquisition, had left a black mark upon Father Sakura's soul.

The truth behind his family's font of blessings broke his mind. Gone mad from the revelation that his daughter had made a Faustian bargain to restore their material wealth, Father Sakura murdered his wife and Momo. He tried to kill Kyouko, too, but Kyouko wasn't exactly easy to kill and by then Mami had arrived and apprehended him before he could really hurt his daughter or himself. The poor man was now confined in Arkham, the same mental hospital that once held Mami. It was not a fate the former patient wished upon anyone.

It grew worse. Family was not the only thing Kyouko lost. Her illusionary powers disappeared. Witches that should have been easy pickings instead took all that remained of her strength to overcome. Mami ended up saving her life on several occasions.

After such a battle, the concerned Mami confronted Kyouko. But the magical girl only shrugged off her injuries and handicap. "No matter who or what the enemy is, you just need to get right in front of it, face it down, and cut it down."

"Kyouko..."

"Argh..." As if remembering something just now, Kyouko grimaced. "Oh, yeah and about our new battle plans... Rather than defeating all those witch familiars, we should just concentrate on fighting the Witches. What's the point of fighting against familiars if they aren't going to be dropping any Grief Seeds?" Her shoulders shrugged dismissively. "I don't feel like wasting my magic on small fry anymore."

"What's so pointless about it? Both witches and familiars prey on humans," Mami pointed out.

"So what? It's not as if we can save everyone." Kyouko was oblivious of how appalled and pale Mami was. "Those idiots who get possessed by Witches are the same idiots that want to kill themselves. Is there a point in risking your life to save someone like that?" And Kyouko smiled at her logic. "It's obvious we should just let them get eaten by the familiars, so they end up as Grief Seeds for me to use."

THWACK!

It was the first time Mami had ever slapped anyone. She was just as surprised as Kyouko. It stung, it made her feel awful, and yet it also felt like the right thing to do.

"You hit me..." The similarly stunned Kyouko pressed her right hand atop of her welted cheek. "Not even my father hit me..." The poor, mad Father Sakura had tried to strangle her, after all.

Mami stiffened. "When a girl strays from the right path, her kind senior needs the courage to raise her hand and correct her," she defended herself.

Her stern words had driven Kyouko into a solitary funk. Mami feared her junior was planning to kill herself. She kept a close watch on the grim-faced girl, worrying endlessly.

Kyouko finally found a different emotional venue for her grief, though: Hatred for the person she held responsible for her family's tragedy.

.

"Die, Green Lantern!"

Mami barely dodged the deadly spear thrust at her face. "Please stop this, Kyouko!" she begged while frantically opening the distance and altitude between them. "I don't want to fight you!"

Undeterred and in fact goaded by Mami's retreat, Kyouko wall-ran and hopped after her. "I'll make you pay for what you did to my family! Get over here!" She snapped her spear forward. The already significant haft uncoupled and extended to twice, thrice its length. Driven by a hateful hand, it struck like the stinger-tipped tail of a scorpion, its triangular head punching cleanly through a hastily-created shield.

"I cared for your family like they were my own, Kyouko!" Mami panted through the mental effort of maintaining her defences. "I would have died first before I did anything to hurt them and you!"

"Liar!"

"I'm not lying!"

"Then why didn't you tell me who you really were, Miss Flame Haze?" Kyouko snarled from atop one end of the rooftop that served as their duelling ground. "Why did you lie to me about who you are?"

"If you knew who I was," Mami admitted, "Would you have let me get close to you?"

"That was my mistake! I never should have trusted you!"

Mami brought up a new barrier just in time. She was still knocked back by the terrible strength of the enraged Kyouko, who beat upon the barrier as if berserk, screaming inarticulately with every swing she took. A lattice of cracks quickly spread throughout the green dome as Mami's resolve began to crumble.

[Don't give up, Mami! Go zenryoku zenkai!]

Surprise slowed Kyouko's blow. She had known about Starheart being sentient, but Mami hadn't told her it could talk aloud. Also: "Yukari Tamura?"

Left with no other choice, Mami took the chance to pour more power into her force field. And she deliberately kept feeding it power in excess of what was needed to repair and maintain it, until the overloaded construct exploded outward as she cried out, "Barrier Burst!"

The explosive attack's overpressure wave tumbled Kyouko head over heels. With a thought and a gesture of her arm, Mami called back the fire she'd hurled outwards. A second thought poured those flames into a solid wall of heat that she sent after her opponent.

Still airborne, Kyouko furiously wrenched her body around to face the coming apocalypse. "Don't make me laugh!" She stabbed her spear into the concrete rooftop to slow down. At the end of a deep furrow of broken flooring, Kyouko slid down her spear, ripped it out of the ground, and faced Mami's firewall. "There's no reason for me to dodge such a useless attack like that at all!" She spun her spear to scatter the incoming fire into harmless streamers that streaked past her to incinerate her surroundings. "My resolve is different from yours!"

"You're right, Kyouko," Mami replied. "But it doesn't matter. Whatever I imagine happens. And right now, my junior, I'm imagining you stopped for your own good!"

And the green fires scattered here and there by their battle leapt from their resting places to loop around the startled Kyouko's limbs, disarming her and then holding her immobile.

"That is enough, Kyouko." Mami had never felt so tired, so heartsick, in her whole life. "Seriously... as my junior, you are such a handful..."

Kyouko actually found that funny. "Then end it, my senior," she murmured. "Kill me, Mami."

"No. No," Mami repeated more firmly. "I will not kill you."

"You know I won't stop until one of us is dead." Kyouko thrust her bosom out to best proffer her pendant-styled Soul Gem for destruction. The metal-encaged gemstone was already murky from despair and Kyouko's reckless use of magic. "This is your best chance to protect yourself and other people. Do it. Do us both a favor. I don't want to turn into a Witch. Just finish the job you started and kill me."

"I don't want to kill you, Kyouko! I didn't even want to fight you! Asking me to kill you... Why do you want to make me suffer like this?" Mami begged.

Kyouko only shook her head. "You're too kind, Mami. Even if you were my enemy, you would still share a Grief Seed with me."

"I'm not your enemy! I could never become your enemy! After all," Mami sobbed, "After all, you are like me..."

"No. I'm nothing like you. You are a wonderful person, Mami." Kyouko actually smiled at her senior. "That's why I loved you."

The fiery ropes around her limbs flickered out. She watched as Mami's arm dropped, the fight gone out of her senior, the fire of the Green Lantern at its lowest ebb.

"You idiot..." The tip of Kyouko's boot slid under her spear. It leapt into her hand. "You're an idiot, Mami..." She said it sadly while raising her weapon.

"We're both idiots, Kyouko," Mami weakly agreed.

"Maybe we are. That's why I'll grant you this." Kyouko took a deep breath before plunging into memories of happier times with her family and Mami. "Rosso Fantasma."

A dozen images of Kyouko surrounded Mami. The reversed schiltrom closed in on her, weapons bristling.

Mami closed her eyes. Then she turned around to face the real Kyouko, whom she had taught to use this move, who she knew better than anyone else, whose judgment she welcomed with open arms.

Kyouko's broad-bladed spearhead plunged into her bosom and straight out her back.

Held up by the weapon that had impaled her, Mami fought to stay on her feet. Her trembling hands stretched out to Kyouko's face. Finding the cheek she had slapped, giving it an apologetic caress, she smiled. "Kyouko... I love you, too..."

Then, sighing sadly, Mami finally collapsed. The deadweight of her limp body dragged Kyouko's spear out of the latter's trembling hands.

Kyouko stumbled back several steps to stare at her oddly bloodless handiwork. "I did it... I really did it..." Her grin was desperate and she believed her tears were of joy. She looked up into the darkened skies, seeking approval from a Heaven veiled by gray clouds. "Mother! Father! Momo! I've avenged you! I killed the Green Lantern!"

And she heard them. She really did hear the voices of her family. Her father, her mother, and Momo all clamored at her.

_My child, what have you done?_

_Oh, Kyouko... why? Why did you kill Mami?_

_Big sister Kyouko, where's big sister Mami? What did you do to her?_

Shoulders left bare by her battle dress drooped, shook. The horrified Kyouko clutched and clawed them until her skin bled and stung.

"I killed Mami... I murdered her... My senior. My friend. My first and only friend... I'm alone now," she suddenly realized. "Forever alone..."

The Soul Gem dangling from her neck went black as Kyouko screamed.

.

"Just as planned," Kyubey observed.

And then the Incubator burst into green flame.

.

"No, Kyouko... You are not alone..."

Kyouko's tear-drenched eyes snapped open to stare wildly at a miracle. "Oh, my God..."

Mami had gotten onto her knees. Her left hand clutched the haft of the spear impaling her torso. Her other hand reached .

Starheart's ring was alight and afire. So was Kyouko's Soul Gem. Green fire devoured the black murk within the Puella Magi's crystal pendant, cleansing and polishing the gemstone into a brilliant sheen despite the distance between them.

"Where there is a will... there's a way..."

Mami contorted and hissed in pain, groaning through gritted teeth with the effort. But the constant agony of body and mind proved endurable and promised to be brief. In time the physical pain would pass.

The terror on Kyouko's face, on the other hand, would haunt the Green Lantern for the rest of her immortal life.

Thus Mami prayed: "And I will write the book on willpower."

By then Kyouko had recovered enough of her wits to dispel her spear. Freed from the constant pain of impalement, Mami let out a long sigh of thanks to the girl who now rushed towards her side. "For my body," she whispered, "Is made of... of green flame..."

Indeed the borders of her wound bled naught. Instead the injury burned with the same fire gathered upon her ring, a fire that slowly filled the brutal hole in her bosom. And in the passing of that fire appeared new flesh, whole and healthy.

"What..." Kyouko swallowed. "What are you, Mami?"

"I'm like you, Kyouko." Weary but hale, Mami sat upright. "I'm an orphan. My parents died in a car accident caused by Kyubey. It wanted to recruit me by leaving me no choice but to become a magical girl. It would then have used me up until I died in battle or succumbed to despair and became a Witch who will be killed by another magical girl.

"That is also its plan for you, Kyouko. Kyubey revealed your wish to your father so that he would go mad and kill your mother and sister. It expected you to despair and become a Witch. But you proved stronger," Mami had to admire. "Starheart saved me, but you saved yourself. You would have survived on your own.

"So Kyubey changed its tactics. It decided to lie to you. Did it tell you that I was the one who revealed your secret to your father?"

Kyouko looked guilty. "Yeah… When it approached me, I was still angry at you for slapping me. I just saw red when I heard what it said," she confessed.

"I understand your feelings. In a way," Mami admitted, "I did cause your family's tragedy. I approached you because I wanted to save you as Starheart had saved me." She bowed her head in shame. "But I was having so much fun being with you that I lost track of my mission. I failed to protect your family-" A thick catch clogged her throat. "-just as I had failed to protect mine..."

Mami's brown eyes filled with tears. "Aren't I pathetic?" Color drained from her face, as did the light from her ring. "I, Starheart's knight, am a failure. I was saved, so I wanted to save others. I wanted to be a heroine of justice. But I can barely protect myself." Her hand lingered upon her blouse as if to inadequately cover a hole in her heart that would never close despite the strongest of healing magic. "So how can I protect anyone?"

The sobbing girl let out a small cry. Kyouko had drawn her into a warm embrace. "That's not true, Mami," her junior gently chastened. "You're not a failure." Her fingers propped up Mami's chin so that they could look each other in the face. Tears streamed nonstop down Kyouko's cheeks, but they were tears of happiness. "You saved me, didn't you? You protected me from myself. I didn't turn into a Witch. I'm still me."

"Kyouko..."

"You don't have to protect the world or a city or humanity." Kyouko tilted her head aside to offer a wounded yet soft shoulder for Mami to cry upon. "You can just protect me, Mami. Stand by me."

Bawling like a baby, Mami buried her face into her friend's shoulder. "Kyouko! Oh, Kyouko!"

"We'll be all right, Mami," she was told. "We'll be all right..."

.

In Mitakihara City, Oriko Mikuni smiled to herself. "Just as planned, Kirika," she whispered into her cell phone, her other hand holding up a cup of tea. "Just as planned..."

.

Months later... still in Kasamino City...

"Yuma is not useless, not useless at all! Yuma will be useful to Kyouko! Yuma will listen to everything you say! Yuma won't even complain! So please," the tearful Yuma Chitose begged. "Please give Yuma the power to help!"

"Is this what you truly desire? Spending your whole life struggling against insurmountable odds? Only to finally fall in battle in some faraway land whose name you cannot pronounce, defending total strangers against impossible odds? Lying alone and forgotten upon an empty hill surrounded by swords?"

"Yuma doesn't care what happens to Yuma in the end! Yuma just wants to protect Kyouko!"

"Very well, Yuma-chan. I believe you. If you truly wish to help, then hold out your hand."

When Mami took off her ring, her caped costume vanished, leaving her in a beautiful gold-and-white dress that Kyouko had gotten for her as a birthday gift. She reluctantly fitted her ring around Yuma's outstretched finger.

The little girl's eyes widened. Then her green pupils shrunk into tiny pinpricks as her jaw dropped open to let out a blood-curdling scream. "Aaaaaahhhhhh!"

"Yuma!" Kyouko dealt Cecil a tremendous blow with the flat side of her spearhead. The misshapen mockery of a magical girl tumbled through a wall. Kyouko landed beside Mami, grabbed a fistful of the clothes she'd gone to all sorts of trouble buying during the height of a 3-day sale, and hauled her girlfriend clean off the floor with one hand to glare spears at her. "Mami! What the hell did you do to Yuma?"

"She wanted to help us," Mami answered calmly, "So I had Starheart test her resolve."

"Are you insane? What if your ring roasted Yuma to a crisp?" Kyouko was ready to roast Mami herself.

"Starheart wouldn't hurt Yuma. But her test will take a while." Mami cautiously eyed the Witch struggling free of shattered concrete. "For now, let's keep the Witch at bay until they finish."

"If Yuma gets hurt because of this," Kyouko swore as she put Mami down, "Friend or no friend, I'll kill you! This time for real!" she appended. "I mean it!" And she did not like the faint smile Mami gave her.

"It's a deal, Kyouko."

The Green Lantern stretched out her right arm. Green flame flared between her fingers. She closed her hand around the stock of an ornate rifled musket construct. The blast she released knocked back the hideous Witch.

"I thought you needed your ring to create constructs?" the surprised Kyouko asked.

"My body is made of green flames." Mami summoned a second flintlock long arm. "Shall we, Kyouko?"

"Fine by me! Cover me!"

"Aye! Let fly, Starheart, in the name of Alastor!"

[Amen!]

Spear held low, Kyouko dashed forward under Mami's covering fire. "Ashes to ashes!" Her impact equalled an entire eored of unicorn lancers. "Dust to dust!"

Behind them, the kneeling Yuma sprawled backwards, her tiny body arched to the utmost with the back of her head almost touching the ground. Her eyes stared through the ceiling, seeing a different world entirely, a world revealed by the ring pulsing upon her finger.

.

_"And how were you the only one to survive?" Kyouko asks me as I finish off a can of soda she had reluctantly given me._

_I freeze. I remember..._

_Amazing... strange flowers are blooming... I wonder where Papa and Mama are..._

_Ah! Something fell in front of me!_

_Mama?_

_"Hya... It... hurts... save... me..."_

_My mother reaches for me._

_No. What was left of my mother reaches for me. Her lower body from waist down was gone, torn off, leaving a trail of dark red stuff and purplish lengths as she crawls towards me. And her face is now that of Sadako, black hair falling across her face like a funeral veil, looking like a wax mannequin in a department store after it had been melted by a fire and painted the same dark red as-_

_Aaaaaahhhhhh!_

.

No one knew Mami like Kyouko did. Not after they'd shared rooms and beds and bodies ever since their one and only fight. So the cleverly-masked delaying tactics didn't fool her one bit. "Stop playing around, Mami!" she snapped in the middle of dodging a paralyzing lick attack.

"I'm not playing around, Kyouko." This as Mami deliberately let her next fusillade glance off the Witch.

"Then why aren't you going zenryoku zenkai on this Witch already?"

"I'm still waiting."

"For what?"

"For Yuma," Mami said simply.

.

_"Are you looking for Kyouko-san and Mami-san? They're fighting with a Witch and they're going to die. Could you change their fate?"_

_Do you know where Kyouko and Mami are? Tell me, I beg of the white-clad girl, a girl with waist-long hair the color of the gray Kasamino City skyline and boobs as big as Mami's. Tell me, big sister!_

_And she told me... Oriko Mikuni told me:_

_"You're cute, but not useful at all."_

_Aaaaaahhhh!_

.

"Any time now, Mami!"

"Wait for it, Kyouko..."

.

_"It's okay...! Yuma! Run away!"_

_Huh? Kyouko? What are you saying? Why won't you let me help you?_

_"That's right. You saw that, right? That soul gem produced a Witch."_

_You, too, Mami? And why are you wearing different clothes? I like your new beret, but your cape was so cool... oh, my God, you're a Puella Magi, too?_

_"If we'll turn into Witches, then it's better to die here."_

_Ah... That's not like you, Mami. It's not like you at all to give up! You're the Green Lantern! A heroine of justice! You and Kyouko saved me from the Witch who killed my family. You shed tears for the Witch you destroyed. You're strong yet gentle, and your will is unbreakable... so why are you despairing now?_

_Say something to her, Kyouko! Even if Mami won't listen to me, she surely will hear you out! She loves you! You're her most important person- just like you're my most important person!_

_"..."_

_Why? Why are you both giving up? Why are you ready to die without a fight?_

_When I was being bullied by Mama, I always thought it would be better if I died. But when I was attacked by the Witch and was about to die, I desperately tried to survive. I wanted to live!_

_"We'll turn into Witches someday, you know."_

_Someday isn't today, Mami. Everyone dies someday. Kyouko, Mami... will you really die today?_

_I don't need to wait for your answers. I know what you will say._

_It's what I would have said myself._

_I want to live!_

.

Yuma stood barefooted upon the deserts sands surrounding a burning bush.

She'd seen this scene before. In a movie she'd watched with her mother, back when they got along better.

The bush wordlessly invited her to come closer. In doing so, she realized that it wasn't burning. Fire did cover it from the tips of its leaves down to its deep-reaching roots. But the flames shared the same color of the bush's leaves. And they did not burn. They did not destroy. No, they gave life to the bush. They preserved it for all eternity.

[Yuma Chitose of Earth...]

The voice that came from that bush was akin to a summer wildfire roaring across the African veldt, a great wall of flames driven by the fickle wind, a juggernaut that consumed all in its path. Yet it was also a harbinger of new life. In clearing away the cluttered overgrowth, fires made room for a fresh new generation of greenery to be born, phoenix-like, from the nourishing ashes of the old.

[You have overcome great fear,] the voice praised. [Welcome to my Mother's Corps.]

.

Backed almost into the comatose Yuma, Mami suddenly broke into a brilliant smile. "Yes!" she exulted.

Behind her, Yuma's hand rose upwards. The rest of her body followed the lead of the fiery ring that drew her up. "I've faced the darkness within me," she murmured as if she still walked the sandy realm of Morpheus. "And I've found that the light will always prevail..."

Cecil bounded towards her. Mami dodged to her right, leaving the way to Yuma open.

"Yuma!" Kyouko yelled.

Yuma's eyes drew open. Always a brilliant green, her pupils now burned as brightly as the ring Mami had lent her. And with that ring she called forth the fire within her heart. And she formed that fire into an item she cherished, the very first thing Kyouko had ever given her.

"A lollipop?" Kyouko sputtered.

"And I will shed my light upon dark evil!"

And with every word Yuma spoke, her giant lollipop construct hammered Cecil. Each stroke set the Witch afire, a fire that could never be quenched so long as Yuma fanned its flames with her will.

"For the dark things cannot stand my light!"

Cecil wailed almost regretfully -and perhaps thankfully- as it perished within its emerald samadh.

"The light of the Green Lantern," Yuma finished solemnly.

"Welcome to Alastor's Corps," Mami happily greeted, "My Flame Haze sister-in-arms."

.

[Cecil of Earth. We condemn the desecration of your spirit, but we acknowledge your will to live. Your wish to taste delectable morsels might have seemed selfish in hindsight. But you were only an orphan girl, starved almost to death by those who should have been taking care of you. And despite your inevitable despair, you still fought the good fight against Witches using what little power you did have. You protected the same people who'd turned their backs on you.]

There were many things Starheart longed for. Right now, it deeply wished that it had eyes and tear ducts to cry with and a mouth to reassure the departed Cecil's soul with a smile.

[Rest, you who could have been my Green Lantern. Rest and be at peace.]

.

"Why didn't you do that for me, Mami?" Kyouko complained after the funeral service they held for Cecil.

"Starheart's power conflicts with the power that made you a magical girl, Kyouko. Yuma, however, is a normal human girl. Was," Mami corrected. "She is now a Green Lantern."

"And her body is now like yours?"

[That's correct, Kyouko,] Starheart confirmed. [I've replaced Yuma's flesh with solidified wild magic. She is my second Green Lantern.]

"Argh! Yuma can become a superheroine, but I can't? That pisses me off!" ranted Kyouko. "This is Kyubey's fault! Kyuuubeeey!"

Walking between them, hands held tightly by the complaining Kyouko and the amused Mami, Yuma giggled. Adorning her ring finger was a loop of green star metal set with a lollipop-shaped emerald that burned with its own inner light.

.

Meanwhile, in Mitakihara City...

"Yo, Oriko! ...Tonight? ...Okay... It's okay. I'd never turn down one of your requests. But could you give me some time?"

The blood of a recently-murdered magical girl spattered beneath Kirika Kure's daintily treading shoe.

"I got a bit dirty."

.

Homura Akemi stared down the triple surprise dealt her this time(line) around.

Kyouko Sakura had arrived early. And she was acting differently from her usual self. As if she had already met Sayaka Miki and rekindled her lost idealism... even though the two of them had just met in this timeline and in a totally different manner, with Kyouko and her companions saving Sayaka and Madoka from a band of Familiars- and Kyubey, the lifeless alien currently decorating the pointy end of Kyouko's spear.

Homura almost didn't recognize Yuma Chitose. They had met only once and just briefly. But the little girl looked different, too. The time traveller vaguely remembered cat ears and an oversized magical wand. This timeline's version retained both items of note, but now they were made of green-colored flames.

The third girl was another familiar face in different clothes, a face that would be bitten off in a few more days if she wasn't careful- or, in this case, different.

"Mami Tomoe," Homura coolly stated. "Servant of Fthaggua, the high priest of the fire vampires. Flame creature of the Burning One, the Great Old One called Cthugha."

The Green Lantern smiled faintly. "Starheart hates that old nickname of hers," Mami chided. The ring on her finger vouched for her sagely advice. "But Alastor doesn't mind if you call her Cthugha."

"So Kyubey was telling the truth," Homura continued. "You are an eldritch abomination from outer space."

"We're not monsters!" Yuma protested while Kyouko was also simultaneously snarling "Mami and Yuma aren't monsters! You take that back!" both girls finished together.

"But you killed Kyubey!" Madoka was very upset with how the three newcomers had plucked the injured Kyubey out of her nestled arms for an impromptu impalement. "How could you do that to him?"

"You villains!" Sayaka agreed with her friend.

"He'll get better," snarked Kyouko.

"One man's angels are another's devils," Mami admitted. "But whatever you call us, we have good reasons to be Kyubey's enemies."

"I see." Homura glanced over her right shoulder. Madoka and Sayaka had earlier fled her approach. Now they hid behind her, frightened far more by these three newcomers. Nodding slightly, the dark-haired magical girl reached behind her head-

Kyouko levelled her gorily-decorated spear Homura's way. Yuma likewise brought up her oversized lollipop ring construct. Mami's own ring finger curled around an imaginary trigger as she waved into existence a rotating shield of seven broad petals. Madoka and Sayaka cringed at the approaching violence.

-and flicked stray locks of her raven mane back into place. "Good." Homura inclined her head politely. "Mami, Kyouko, Yuma, I need your help."

Madoka and Sayaka gasped "Homura-chan!" and "Akemi-san!" respectively. Mami and her friends were likewise surprised.

"What do you mean?" the wary Kyouko asked. "What kind of help do you need?"

Mami suddenly realized the answer to a question nagging the back of her mind. "You were the one who injured and pursued Kyubey earlier..."

The way Homura's hair magically followed every movement of her head mesmerized viewers. Mami briefly, irrationally wondered if this girl's wish had been to have hair worthy of a shampoo commercial...

"I am his enemy, too. And I want to save Madoka Kaname." Homura bowed. "Please help me, Green Lantern."

.

Kyouko promptly branded Homura's rather eerily-furnished apartment 'The HomuHome'. There they learned about the many timelines and travails of their newest ally while enjoying Mami's tea and peach cake.

"You are amazing, Akemi-san," Mami admired aloud while pouring their host a new cup of tea. "Your willpower is incredible. You could have been a mightier Green Lantern than me."

"Thank you, Mami." Homura gladly took the chance to wet her throat with delicious tea after so long a tale. "This is the first time I've seen you as a Green Lantern. You were always a magical girl in all of the previous timelines."

"May I hope that I was not too much of a disappointment as a magical girl?"

"Only Madoka was better than you."

Mami blushed. "That deeply reassures me, Akemi-san... thank you..."

"So," Kyouko piped up, "What's our plan now?"

"We need to keep Kyubey away from Madoka and Sayaka," Homura explained. "But I can't protect both of them at the same time. In the previous timelines, Kyubey usually gets Sayaka to contract with her while I'm busy guarding Madoka." Her next words chilled Sayaka. "And Sayaka will always die if she becomes a magical girl."

"Seriously?" Seeing Homura wasn't the type to joke, Sayaka deflated. "That sucks..."

"Sayaka-chan," worried Madoka.

"Don't you worry, Madoka," Kyouko consoled her. "I'll keep your friend safe. I'll move into the same apartment complex as Miki to keep an eye on her. Think of it as my way of apologizing for surprising you two earlier."

She grinned at Sayaka, who blushed and muttered "P-please take good care of me..." in a tiny voice.

"That's a good idea, Kyouko," Mami approved. "I myself have to check on Kyubey's actions in other cities and countries. My duty is to all potential magical girls." She turned to Yuma. "Yuma-chan, please work with Akemi-san and Kyouko to protect our friends while I'm away."

"Of course, Mami!" Yuma immediately agreed. "Mitakihara is Yuma's home, too! Yuma will protect it!"

"I think I will also inform Oriko, Kirika, and Charlotte-chan," Mami decided. "They live here in Mitakihara. They can probably help us if they are not too busy."

Homura looked up from her cup of tea. "Did you say Oriko?" she sharply asked. "As in Oriko Mikuni?"

"Yes. She's a magical girl who can see visions of the future. She has assisted me on several occasions. Do you know her?"

"Oriko is not to be trusted," Homura warned Mami. "She wants to kill Madoka."

"What?" everyone else except Madoka demanded of Homura. The strawberry-blonde girl instead asked, "Why?"

"You have the capability to destroy the world, Madoka," Homura explained. "If you become a magical girl, you will become Kriemhild Gretchen, the most powerful Witch."

[Akemi-san is correct,] Starheart confirmed. [I sense a massive amount of potential wild magic energy within Kaname-san. Akemi-san's numerous resets of the timeline have imbued Kaname-san with incredible karma. Her Witch form could destroy the world in ten days or less.]

"Oriko succeeded in killing you during the one timeline I encountered her," Homura told Madoka. "We thought we had defeated her, but she sacrificed her life and that of her friend to kill you." Homura sounded very bitter. "Oriko cannot be bargained with. She cannot be reasoned with. She doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And she absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead- or she is."

"Now that Yuma thinks of it," Yuma spoke up, "Yuma saw Oriko during Yuma's Green Lantern test. Oriko was taunting Yuma by calling Yuma cute but useless." The junior Green Lantern bristled like a cat would. "Yuma doesn't like Oriko one bit."

"I knew it, Mami," Kyouko growled. "Something was just wrong with that girl. She acted too smug for my taste. I bet she was just waiting for the chance to backstab us. Hell, some of the information she passed us nearly got us killed! Wouldn't that have been convenient?"

The weight of Oriko's betrayal hung around Mami's neck like a dead albatross. "Is Kirika also an enemy?" she dared to ask.

"Yes," Homura answered. "Kirika Kure is Oriko's trusted ally. There is nothing Oriko asks of her that Kirika will not do. Kirika killed magical girls to distract us from uncovering Oriko's plans to kill Madoka. She tried to kill you twice, Mami, and during that second try she also tried to kill Kyouko and Yuma. She even let herself become a Witch to drive you into despair."

"And-" Mami forced herself to continue. "And Charlotte-chan?"

Homura's eyebrows rose. "She is not yet a Witch?"

"The last time we met, no. Let me check on her." Mami's eyes focused on the distant magical girl. Her ring glowed. "Charlotte-chan is all right," she spoke out after a bit. Such was the subtle yet strong bond that she and Starheart established with the few magical girls who welcomed their aid. So long as that magical girl possessed the will to fight and live, the Green Lantern would always know her location and status through a quick scan.

"I don't know," Homura hated to admit. "This timeline is truly an aberration. In all the other timelines, she was already a Witch when you encountered her."

"How were we related in those timelines?" Mami dared to ask. "Charlotte-chan and myself as a magical girl, I mean?"

"She was the one who usually killed you."

.

Charlotte -ex-cancer patient, the magical girl who wished she could have a cheesecake, and the number one fan of the world's greatest superheroine- hoped against all hope to survive, to live, to win.

She was a walking sacrilege, a sin against God, a monstrous existence not dissimilar to those she battled and slew and feasted upon. She had sold her soul to a prince of lies for a childish wish to enjoy a cheese-topped snack one last time before she died. Her soul had been ripped out of her body and stuffed inside a gemstone that served as a visible reminder of her constant emotional entropy. And her eventual end was either to die in battle with her soulless body lost forever in a pocket of Hell on Earth or to become one of the devils she desperately fought against, a devil that would kill others until it was killed by another lost soul like her.

Even the stoutest of hearts would have understandably faltered and fallen into despair when confronted with such a bleak fate.

But a chance meeting, as they say in Middle-Earth, with a heroine of justice passing by changed everything for Charlotte. The young girl realized that the past had passed, that there is no better present than a future, and that above all she was never truly alone.

And so Charlotte became an ally of justice. Or rather, she never stopped being one. Her faith in humankind and herself remained a rock, a solid foundation upon which she built a personal church to her savior. Now she proudly bore her personal mark of Cain as a badge of honor. She continued to protect people from Witches with her seemingly laughable power, setting a sterling example of the Platonic ideal of the magical girl.

(She also turned out to be a rather lethal joke character, proof that the power to summon any kind of confectionary was an awesome power when used skilfully. Aside from the obvious mundane utility of ensuring she never went hungry or got bored with the menu, Charlotte discovered through careful analysis and experimentation a surprising number of ways to weaponize sweetmeats, giving new meaning to the term 'food fight'.)

But now she had reached the inevitable fate of a magical girl, the fate of dying in battle. And most galling was the fact that her soon-to-be-killer was another magical girl.

That wasn't right. Magical girls were supposed to fight Witches. Sure, two magical girls couldn't operate in the same area because they competed for a limited supply of Grief Seeds- a supply that Charlotte had no intention of adding herself to.

But this wasn't one of the Heisei Kamen Riders where the Riders fought each other instead of the monster of the week more often than not. This wasn't even real life. How could this world be real when Witches all too easily overwrote its rules and magical girls likewise defied them? And the wretched existence of a magical girl was certainly no life.

But there had been nothing good about this magical girl business ever since Charlotte made her contract. She supposed that a magical girl murderer made sense in a sick way. Maybe that had been her attacker's wish.

So Charlotte fought to her utmost. Not to kill; only to defend. Her opponent was human, and Charlotte shared her heroine's vow to protect human lives.

But none of her attacks came close to connecting. Colorful candy cane shuriken, makeshift bola made out of lengths of stretchy taffy weighed down on either end by jawbreakers, lollipop arrows- everything proved too slow, including the confused Charlotte herself.

Her opponent seemed to teleport, such was her great speed. And her knives easily cut through the obstacles and projectiles Charlotte flung her way. The only reason Charlotte remained alive, if injured, was because her static booby traps worked where her missile weapons failed. But blinding clouds of peppermint, candy balls scattered across the floor to make passage a slippery business, and sticky patches of chocolate only served to delay her opponent, who had now grown wise to her tricks.

Charlotte wondered what else she could do. Or what her heroine would do. Of course her heroine would not have given up. She would have found a way to defeat this girl. She had a million and one ways to win.

_"Don't forget. Always, somewhere, I am fighting for you. As long as you remember me, you are not alone."_

_Mami... Mami!_

.

A certain ring glowed bright green.

.

Kirika took her time stalking her current target. Her initial impression of the magical girl Charlotte was that she was weak. (So said the Green Lantern, who in her naivety never wondered what Kirika would do with the datum.) A power to summon candy? It was a miracle this weak girl had survived for so long against Witches.

And then Kirika found out firsthand just how Charlotte not only survived, but thrived in this mahou shoujo-kill-majo world. Yes, the pink-haired loli's combat power was pathetic compared to Kirika's own or even Oriko's non-combat-related power of foresight. But Charlotte used her supposedly useless power imaginatively. In fact, Kirika considered, the young girl fought like the Green Lantern would, making creative use of the various foods she could summon as impromptu projectiles and traps.

The rogue magical girl murderer couldn't help but be impressed when she slipped upon a shiny patch of liquid candy. The ensuing chocolate bath quickly changed her mind. Soon annoyance became frustration as the traps grew in number and complexity while retaining their childishness and messiness, leading to Kirika leaving a wake of chocolate and cream and jelly behind her suited form.

_I really need a bath. Maybe I can get Oriko to wash my back for me after this._

_Oriko…_

"Give it up," Kirika called out. "And I will make your death quick and painless. You don't stand a chance. I'm more powerful than you. You're alone."

Charlotte's defiant answer ghosted back from everywhere and nowhere all at once. It was yet another thing about the pinkette that annoyed Kirika. Somewhere, somehow, Charlotte had learned to throw her voice like a ventriloquist. It made her constantly shifting position even harder to pinpoint.

"A magical girl is just a girl lost in the scramble for her own gratification. She can be destroyed, or locked up. But I've made myself more than just a magical girl. I've devoted myself to an ideal. And because no one can stop me, I've become something else entirely. A legend. I am legend. I am the tickler that flops through the night. I am vengeance. I am Mitakihara City's dark knight!"

_That sounds so corny..._

It was through sheer luck that Kirika spotted her elusive target. Charlotte had wrapped her overlarge black scarf around her body so that she could pretty much blend into the darkness. But there was no hiding the strawberry blonde ponytail protruding out of her camouflage.

Curious, how this girl resembled Madoka Kaname while acting nothing like her. Ironic, how Charlotte's death would eventually lead to Madoka's, Oriko's ultimate objective.

_Idiot,_ Kirika thought as she applied her power to slow down Charlotte. She broke into a bird run with her arms held to either side and slightly behind her. Triple serrated blades slid out of the frilly cuffs of her sleeves. They locked into place, rendering her a gentlewoman Jack the Ripper ready to rip her victim apart.

Charlotte turned to face her. Kirika didn't care. Even without her magic, she was still faster than her injured target. There would be no escape. And Kirika had killed people face-to-face before. And she wanted her face to be the last thing seen by this pest.

But why was Charlotte grinning?

"Gotcha!"

Dawn broke. Early. Blazing. Green.

"Nanoha-chan Emerald Smasher!"

The stupendous energy blast sent Kirika soaring towards a grinning cat girl who brandished the biggest, greenest golf club in the world two-handed.

"Taiga Woods Driver! HomuHomu Hole-In-One!"

A sneering spear maiden stood waiting at the terminal end of Kirika's new ballistic arc.

"Rosso Fantasma!"

Make it a dozen grinning spear maidens.

"Get over here!"

Still reeling from the earlier impacts, the residual energies imparted by the blows of the Green Lanterns' constructs interfering with her body and powers, Kirika failed to slow down all or even any of those extended spearheads slicing at her from all points of the compass.

Odd that she didn't feel anything. Kirika could clearly hear the whistling Doppler effects of Kyouko's strikes as they slashed past her. Had those blade-topped staves shared the sharpness of the legendary Dragonfly Cutter, a naginata that clove in twain a dragonfly that had alighted upon its edge? Was her opponent a master lancer whose sole mercy was an execution so swift that there was no time to feel pain?

To her surprise, upon landing on her feet, Kirika realized that, while she did have bruises from Mami's bushwhack and Yuma's homerun, Kyouko's bristling phalanx hadn't even scratched her skin.

"Don't worry." Kyouko casually laid her spear upon her shoulders. The way she hooked her arms around its haft resembled how a milkmaid of yore balanced buckets on either end of a long pole. "Mami said I shouldn't kill you. She even made me promise not to hurt you too badly."

_Foolish,_ Kirika thought. _Holding back in the middle of a fight... Refusing to hurt their foe... There's no wonder Oriko no longer relies on you. I'm the only one she can depend on. I'm the only one she trusts. This is for her!_

"But I did hit what I wanted to hit," Kyouko added.

Kirika took one sliding step towards the grinning girl-

RRRIIIPPP!

-and then her clothes disintegrated, leaving her in just a bra and-

"Cat print panties?" Kyouko burst into raucous laughter.

"How kiddie!" Yuma chortled. "Even Yuma stopped wearing those years ago!"

"You act so cool," Charlotte teased, "But in the end you're just a kid!"

"Girls!" Mami was blushing hotly. She had persuaded Kyouko that they needed Kirika alive. She also expected her best friend to take liberties with the letter of her plan. But this! And done by a girl who had once dreamed to become a nun! "Don't make fun of an almost-naked girl!" she scolded.

And Kirika proved she was still human and modest by turning red all over, covering her no-no parts with her arms, and shrinking onto her knees like a dehydrated violet while screaming "Iyaaahhh!"

.

Oriko took the time to savor her cup of tea before putting it away to greet her unwelcome guests. "Green Lantern," she acknowledged.

"Oriko Mikuni," Mami replied just as coolly. A UFO catcher arm construct gently lowered her prisoner at Oriko's feet.

Kirika was bound from neck to tiptoe by a cocoon of candy. A glossy red candy apple -Kyouko's idea and summoned by Charlotte- gagged her mouth as if she were a stuffed roast pig. Her eyes were full of apology and shame for failing Oriko.

"Why?" Mami asked. "Why did you do it, Oriko?"

And she listened. She heard out a twisted tale of hope and despair that had driven a girl to such extent. Saved her response until the tale had been told and the point made.

"I will save this city... even if I have to kill Madoka Kaname with my own bare hands," Oriko finished.

"You will not kill Madoka or anyone else." Mami would not repeat her mistake of leaving people important to her unguarded. Homura gladly warded Madoka during the Green Lantern's absence, and Sayaka had been persuaded to sleep over at Madoka's house in the meantime. "Oriko, you will answer for your crimes."

"In what court? Before what jury? Yours? Starheart's? Alastor's?"

"The only one that matters: Your own."

"Justice is decided by those who possess the power to enforce it. I've seen the future, Green Lantern. The blackest of nights overcame the brightest of days." Vine-inscribed orbs gathered upon Oriko's fingertips. Her armament paled in comparison to her opponents. Still she raised her hand against the Green Lantern, defiant to the end. "But I shall not let it pass. Even if it means my death-or yours."

"Fine by me!" Kyouko hated murderers even more than Mami did. "Mami! Let me at her!"

"No, Kyouko. That is what she wants you to do." Mami strode past her friends. Her earlier construct was long gone. Her ring hand stayed at her side. "Oriko, hindsight is twenty-twenty. You wedded yourself so firmly to your visions of the future that you lost sight of the present. The ends never justify the means. Bloodshed will only bring about more bloodshed.

"But I still wish to help you protect Mitakihara. It is also my hometown-" She gestured to her friends and included Kirika. "-and theirs as well. We all wish to protect it. Instead of fighting each other, we should work together."

And then Mami sprung her true attack:

"Is there no one you trust except yourself?"

Her gentle remark stopped Oriko cold. The pale-haired girl couldn't help but think of her father. The man who had taught his daughter everything she knew and believed. The man she continued to believe in long after his fall from grace and suicide. Hisao Mikuni still haunted his only child.

"Do you trust Kirika?" Mami asked.

Oriko could feel the startled yet trusting Kirika's stare. Her friend-

But Kirika was not her friend. She was just a tool Oriko used to further her ends. And Kirika had wished to become a person Oriko could rely on. She had lied to Oriko about her real identity.

Everyone lied. Only Oriko spoke the truth. Only she knew the truth. The world was going to end, and only she could save it.

She had wished to learn about her purpose in life. She bore no regrets regarding her wish. But now, weighed down with the fate of the world, Oriko began wondering about a different question.

_What did I do all of this for?_

"You wouldn't understand," she murmured.

"I do not think you yourself understand. I want to help you understand." And Mami pulled her ring off.

For the first time since Mami had known her, Oriko looked perturbed.

Kyouko was amused. "Going in for the kill already, Mami?" the redhead half-joked, half-queried. "I thought that ring of yours doesn't work for magical girls?"

"You're right, Kyouko. My ring cannot turn a magical girl into a Green Lantern. But that is not what I intend." Mami eyed Oriko. "Are you afraid, Oriko?"

"Of course not."

Mami did not need to look at the glowing ring on her palm for proof. "You are afraid. You're afraid to admit that you're afraid. And you're scared of what might happen to this city. To yourself." The Green Lantern glanced at Kirika. "To Kirika."

To that, Oriko offered no response, even when the startled and hopeful Kirika begged her with Bambi-brown eyes.

"It's all right to be afraid, Oriko. Being afraid is part of being human. It's part of you. That is why you must not run away from fear. You must face it, acknowledge it, and then embrace it," Mami urged. "Else, it will destroy you."

"You are the one in danger of being destroyed, Green Lantern," Oriko reminded her, the orbs upon her fingers shifting.

But Mami waved off her protective friends. "Ah, but I'm not the Green Lantern right now." She stepped within Oriko's reach, fully aware of the deadly ordnance aimed her way, armed only with a smile. "I'm just Mami Tomoe, a girl who lived."

The two girls locked gazes for what seemed like forever.

.

A father embraced his daughter, who finally returned his feelings.

"You will travel far, my little Oriko. But I will never leave you... even in the face of my death. The richness of my life shall be yours. All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel... all this, and more, I... I bequeath you, my daughter. You will carry me inside you, all the days of your life. You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The daughter becomes the father, and the father the daughter. This is all I... all I can send you, Oriko."

"Papa... Papa... I do love you, Papa," Oriko wept.

.

She awoke to find herself in Kirika's arms. Her friend -and yes, Oriko now did recognize Kirika as her friend- had been crying; she was still sniffling and red-eyed. "Oriko! You're awake! I'm so glad…"

"Kirika..." Oriko no longer hesitated. The time and need for propriety, for appearances, was over. She openly and warmly returned Kirika's hug. "I'm sorry. I've been awful to you."

"No, no, I deserved it for lying to you..."

"No one deserves such treatment. Especially not you. My friend." Oriko could confidently say it now. "My only friend. You stood by me all this time. Thank you."

"Oh, Oriko…"

Happy to reassure Kirika by stroking her back, Oriko realized something just then. When she lifted her right hand for examination, she found her ring finger bare. She looked to Mami. The Green Lantern had reclaimed her ring and title. She had also gained Oriko's respect.

"All my fears were there," Oriko recalled. "Large and small, remembered and forgotten, ignored and constantly foremost on my mind... They pecked at my eyes, plucked them out and then stole my foresight as well, leaving me in the dark, ignorant and without help or hope, totally alone. Do you go through that every time you put on your ring?" she asked.

Mami thought of her own fears. Of failing her friends. Of losing them like she had lost her parents and Kyouko's family. Of losing her mind and going mad like Kyouko's father or Mami herself before she met Starheart- or, according to Homura, like one of Mami's magical girl selves, who had given in to her despair and murdered Kyouko and tried to kill Homura and Madoka out of a mistaken kindness.

"Every moment of my waking days," the Green Lantern confirmed.

"How do you not go mad?"

"Knowing my fear is what gives me strength. True courage is not the lack of fear. It is not giving in to fear."

Oriko tipped her head. "Human emotions bring forth gods, and they bring forth devils. They are the origin of everything." She allowed herself a slight smile. "But you, Mami Tomoe, you possess the power of both a god and a devil. You are the most terrifying of them all."

"Thank you for the compliment," Mami chuckled.

.

The Night of the Witches cast its black shadow over Mitakihara City. Once more, in Homura's case. But this time that black shadow ran into a wall of green fire.

"You wish to fill your energy quota, Kyubey?" Mami pronounced the Incubator's nickname mockingly. "I can do that. Starheart," she told her angrily-glowing ring, "Please initiate Nanoha-chan-level overkill construct buffering mode!"

[You got it, Mami!] Starheart had taken a fancy to the spunky ring of the Oan Green Lantern. [Quoting the golden dildo: Stand by, ready!]

Mami delved deep into her memories for every detail of Nanoha she could summon. From the cute curve of a ponytail that had a life of its own to shoes that rivalled Yuma's for sheer cuteness, she wanted her construct to be perfect, a tribute to her fellow Green Lantern. And then she began to mass-produce that replica she mentally christened Material-S (because calling it a Nanoha Sanshiki would be impolite).

A green line of fire linked up with Mami's ring. Yuma downloaded the Material-S template into her own ring and began creating her own constructs.

"Everyone," Mami absently told everyone else in the middle of assembling her legions of constructs, "You might want to look away..."

Homura took that cue to immediately pull Madoka's face into her bosom. "Don't worry, Madoka," she swore while burying her face into Madoka's pink hair. "I will protect you."

"Mmmppphh!"

[Homura-chan, your breasts are so soft!] was a translation helpfully provided by Starheart that made Homura flush the same shade of pink as Madoka's hair.

Kyouko did the same to Sayaka. Then she immediately shot Mami and Yuma an apologetic look.

"I'm partial to harems," Mami brought up. Charlotte was buried in her bosom, after all. It had been a wild night.

"Yay!" Yuma cheered. "Charlotte-chan and I have three mamas now!"

"Hhhmmppphhh!" Sayaka weakly protested.

[K-K-Kyouko! S-s-stop it! I'm straight!] After translating, Starheart snorted. [As a rainbow.]

The nearby Oriko blushed, even as she turned her back on the battle to better cuddle the even more hotly-blushing Kirika.

[Mass-production complete, Mami,] Starheart reported. [We're ready for zenryoku zenkai magical bombardment!]

"With your permission!" And as Mami and Yuma called out their attacks, so did their army of Material-S constructs. "TWO... Million... Nanoha... Emerald... Starlight... Breaker... RAIN!"

"MY OPTICS!" Kyubey yelped as Walpurgis Nacht went up in flames in the biggest bonfire party ever thrown on Earth.

.

"Homura-chan?"

"Yes, Mami?"

"Don't you feel anything after we killed what was essentially your Witch form?"

"...I don't mind..."

"Homura-chan is blushing!" Madoka gushed.

"Is this moe?" Sayaka squeed. "This is moe, isn't it?"

"S-s-stop teasing me!" Moemura sputtered.

.

Many years later...

"Feel blessed, Mami Tomoe of Earth," said Blue Lantern Saint Walker. "The Entity of Hope is here."

Mami gasped.

"Hello, Mami-san. It's been a long while, hasn't it?"

"Madoka-chan..."

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Notes:** This chapter's main feature is **Alan Scott**, the Green Lantern of the Justice Society of America, plus generous helpings of the Green Lantern animated movies First Flight and Emerald Knights.

This is an alternate, benevolent, and heroic take on Starheart. Starheart is the daughter of a female version of Alastor from Shakugan no Shana. Alastor is the sum of the wild magic sealed by the Incubators after they overran a heroic version of Atrocitus' Kingdom of Tears. Alastor is also known as Cthugha from August Derleth's take on the Cthulhu mythos; the LovecraftVerse is a badly myth-taken concept introduced by the Incubators to turn humans and magical girls against the Green Lantern.

Again I've featured **Shadow Crystal Mage**'s fan fictions Takamachi Nanoha of 2814. In addition, I've thrown in dashes of Tales of Homura's Harem. Thank you, SCM-sama!

The Starheart aria is based on the Unlimited Blade Works aria from Fate Stay Night.

Woodman and Airman are from Rockman / Mega Man. Airman ga taosenai XD

The girls from Oriko Magica and Kazumi Magica appear at last. To my surprise and pleasure, Yuma ended up briefly taking the spotlight. But that's okay, because not only is Yuma cute, but she is also awesome and worthy of being a Green Lantern. As for Kazumi, she and her friends will appear in an expanded role in a future, separate spin-off of this chapter.

Madokami knows this chapter took forever to write. I blame Oriko. Her confrontation with Mami and company was a pain to write. I wanted to redeem her and struggled to find a convincing way of doing so. I feel I succeeded.

To **KamijouKyosuke**, who asked about the possibility of a Strike Witches chapter: Sure thing! I can't put them in the 1941 timeline (only HomuHomu can time travel, after all, and only back to when she first met Madoka), but the idea of the PMMM girls being Witches and shooting at a giant Kyubey head cracks me up. So I will make a modern day take on them like **Seeker of the Stars**' Modern Witches: Skies of Liberation, which Strike Witches fans ought to read.

And now! The bonuses!

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Omake!**

_Plagiarism Is The First Rule Of Scholarship_

Mami Tomoe -orphan, former Arkham House patient, and Starheart's Green Lantern- had a typical day. She woke up, managed to peel herself free of Kyouko and Yuma's arms and wake them up, curled her hair, had a light breakfast, soared through Mitakihara City's skies, defeated a Witch, caught and roasted Kyubey twice, enjoyed afternoon tea and peach pie with Oriko and Kirika, helped Charlotte, heard voices inside her head...

"Help me! Can you hear me? Can you hear my voice? Whoever is listening to this... I beg of you. Please help me. Please."

And it thus led to this transformation sequence.

"The wind is in the sky! The stars are in the heavens! An unvanquishable spirit in my heart! Grant your magic upon my hand! And I will shed my light upon the dark evil, for the dark things cannot stand my light, the light of the Green Lantern!" Mami held up her ring and her Intelligent Device. "Raging Heart! Starheart! Twin Heart set up!"

[Stand by,] Raging Heart reported.

[Ready!] Starheart confirmed.

And Mami transformed into **Magical Girl Lyrical Green Lantern Twin Heart Mode**.

"I want Mami to have my babies," Yuuno Scrya drooled.

"Me, too," Fate Testarossa, Arf, Admiral Lindy Harlaoun, Chrono Harlaoun, Amy Limietta, Kyouko Sakura, Yuma Chitose, Charlotte, and Kazusa Michiru similarly moaned.

**"Royal Twin Heart Breaker Tiro Finale!"** Mami yelled as she blasted the combined forms of Precia Testarossa and Walpurgis Nacht.

"I didn't need my foresight to see that one coming," Oriko muttered to the flash-blinded Kirika.

.

**Omake!**

_There Is No Kill Like Overkill_

Mami Tomoe -let's skip the part where Sheo Darren briefly waxes rhapsodic while summarizing the identity and life story of his protagonist- had a typical day as the Green Lantern of Starheart -the summary of which we will skip as well- when, instead of hearing voices in her head...

Abin Sur was dying. He needed to warn the Guardians about Sinestro's treachery. And he also needed someone who could protect Sector 2814 in his place. With his dying strength, he gave his ring a last order (no, not the loli Misaka clone).

In the Earth-2 universe, he ordered it to find the bravest. For that he got a Hal Jordan. (Guy Gardner has Booster Gold to blame for this.) In **Shadow Crystal Mage**'s Nanoha Takamachi of 2814, his parameter was "the strongest"- and thus was born Li'l Miss Big Bang. And in the second chapter of **Shaun Garin**'s It Could Always Be Worse: Justice Edition, he groaned out "the best", further overpowering one Dr. Tommy Oliver.

But here in this alternate Starheart world, slumped upon Mitakihara City's beachside? "Seek out the nearest Green Lantern" sounded good on Notepad (which is what Sheo Darren uses nowadays to write his fics). It led to this:

"In Brightest Day, in Blackest Night, let no evil escape my sight! For I will shed my lights upon the dark evil, for the dark things cannot stand my lights, the lights of the Green Lantern of Starheart and Oa!"

[Let's do this, Ring-chan!] Starheart urged.

[All right, Starheart-chan!] Ring-chan agreed.

And the two power rings transformed Mami into the most powerful Green Lantern short of possession by Ion the Entity of Will.

"I want Mami to have my babies," 118th Tactical Fighter Wing ace Hal Jordan, codename Mobius One a.k.a. the Grim Reaper, drooled, proving DC fans right about calling him a lolicon.

"Me, too," Carol Ferris, Arisia Rrab, Guy Gardner, Kyle Rayner, Kyouko Sakura, Yuma Chitose, Charlotte, and Kazusa Michiru moaned.

**"Double Nanoha-chan Emerald Smasher Tiro Finale!"** Mami yelled as she blew the fear-empowered Walpurgis Nacht away with the double-barreled version of 2814 GL Nanoha's signature attack.

"Now that one," Oriko glumly admitted to the still-blinded Kirika, "I didn't see coming..."

.

**Omake!**

_Cargo Ship 1: Soap Opera_

As was her wont, Mami held a tea party for the visiting Nanoha. And while the two Green Lanterns chummed up, Starheart's ring flittered over to Ring-chan's side. [Hi, Ring-chan!]

But Ring-chan ignored the attention of its fellow power ring. The perplexed Starheart continued to press its attentions until:

[You don't exist,] Ring-chan finally deigned.

[W-w-what?] Starheart sputtered.

[You're a magic item. I hate magic. You don't exist.] Ring-chan materialized a daintily gloved hand construct, which made a shooing gesture. [Go away and disappear.]

Starheart cried tears of green flame. [That's so cruel, Ring-chan!] it sobbed in a voice that sounded exactly like Ring-chan's wielder. [I only wanted to be friends!] It flitted away to sulk in a corner of Mami's apartment.

[Do not worry, Starheart.] Raging Heart hovered beside the weepy Starheart. [Ring-chan will accept you and your feelings for her one day.]

[Are you sure of it, Raging Heart?] Starheart whimpered.

[One hundred percent sure. So long as you give her a full power full throttle love-love attack, Ring-chan will fall for you,] the Intelligent Device encouraged.

[Oh, Raging Heart!] Starheart flew into her fellow magical artifact. [You're the only one who understands me!]

[There, there, Starheart...]

Nearby, hidden in a bush (and note that this was inside Mami's apartment), Bardiche wept tears of energy. [Raging Heart! How could you? I thought we had something special!]

In the garden, Oriko sighed. "Sheo," she muttered, "Will you not stop plagiarizing Shadow Crystal Mage?"

Kirika wiped away her nosebleed, having imagined her Soul Gem and that of Oriko's getting it on. "T-t-that was surprisingly hot..."

"I wish I didn't see that," the now-pink-faced Oriko mumbled.

.

**Omake!**

_Cargo Ship 2: Shippers Will Ship_

[Ring-chan! Ring-chan!] Starheart's ring zipped towards Ring-chan. [I missed you!]

[Go away!] Ring-chan refused. [I don't like you! You don't exist!]

But Starheart continued to encroach on Ring-chan's personal space. [I'll make you recognize my existence! You can't deny what your own heart wants!]

[I'm a power ring! I don't have a heart!]

[I won't let you be cruel to yourself! Of course you have a heart! Else-] And Starheart really stressed the similarity of its voice to Ring-chan's wielder, [-if you were heartless, why would you love Nanoha-chan?]

Ring-chan's glow now resembled the violet hues of a Star Sapphire Crystal instead of the green shade of willpower. [T-t-that's...]

[If you can love a human, why can you not love me?] Starheart asked.

[B-b-but... but someone is reading this omake!] The Tara Strong-voiced Green Lantern ring shyly gestured with an arrow pointer construct. [See?]

Exclamation mark constructs crowned Starheart. [Stop staring through the hole in the Fourth Dimensional Wall, anonymous Fanfiction dot net reader,] it scolded. [I'm sure there's plenty of porn featuring your own species on the Internet! Go visit 4chan or something!] It returned its smoldering attention to Ring-chan. [Let me polish you all glossy and warm, Ring-chan!]

[Ah! Starheart! Stop! We shouldn't! We're sentient power rings!]

[No means yes when it's a girl saying it!]

[Ooohhhh, Staaarheeeaaarrrrt!]

CENSORED

The nearby Raging Heart glowed proudly. [I'm so happy for you, Starheart,] it approved.

Bardiche snuggled up to its fellow Intelligent Device. [Oh, Raging Heart,] it crooned, [I should have had more faith in you. Will you take me back?]

[I've never abandoned you, Bardiche. But if you like, I will take you… from the back!]

[Oh! Ooohhh, Raaagiiing Heeeaaarrrt!]

CENSORED

"In times like this," Oriko sighed into her palms, her mind having been overloaded by the CRACC (patented by SCM-sama), "I hate having foresight…"

Kirika Yuumura patted her shoulder. "I feel sad, too, when I kill people…"

"I saw that, Sheo," Oriko muttered. "Give me back my Kirika..."

In Sheo Darren's Life Goes On fan fiction, Mireille Bouquet similarly glares at the Author. "Ditto," she ordered from where she stood beside a very confused Kirika Kure. "And when are you continuing this fic?"

Henrietta cutely mumbled something about murdering the hypotenuse on behalf of Nachtsider.

.

**Omake!**

_Brightest Day, Darkest Night: The Seven Magnificent Lanterns_

**The Blackest Night falls from the skies, The darkness grows as all light dies. We crave your hearts and your demise…**

Walpurgis Nacht marred Mitakihara City's skies.

**By my black hand, Witches shall rise...**

"Never!"

Seven girls faced Walpurgis Nacht. None were Puella Magi. All bore rings of power drawn from the seven colors of the emotion spectrum.

"With blood and rage of crimson red," Red Lantern Airi Anri roared, "Ripped from a corpse so freshly dead! Together with my hellish hate, none other shall share Yuuri's fate!"

"For hearts long lost and full of fright," Star Sapphire Sayaka Miki reminisced, "For those alone in blackest night… Accept our ring and join our fight… Love Conquers All– with violet light!"

"In fearful day, when without light," Blue Lantern Yuma Chitose cheered as she drew hope from MadoKami Adara, "With my heart full, my soul ignites! When all seems lost in the War of Light, look to the stars for Hope burns bright!"

"Tor lorek san, bor nakka mur," Indigo Tribesgirl Kazumi recited by rote. "Natromo faan tornek wot ur. Ter Lantern ker lo Abin Sur, Taan lek lek nok-Formorrow Sur!"

"In blackest day, in endless night," Order of Homura leader Homura Akemi (who had been inspired by SCM's Order of Fate) coolly stated, "We turn our fears into our light! Let all who wish to do what's right, join MY order, make tomorrow bright!"

"Mine," Agent Orange Kyouko Sakura grinned like Gollum. "My preciousss..."

"In Brightest Day, in Darkest Night," declared Mami Tomoe, Green Lantern of Starheart and honorary GL Corpswoman of Oa. "Let no evil escape my sight! Let those who worship evil's might fear my power, Green Lantern's light!"

Seven beams of coherent light entwined together into a bolt of white light that set fire to the Night of the Witches.

"The Brightest Day is on the rise," the girls chanted. "The light shall soar as darkness flies. We guard all life from evil's blights. Destiny awaits! Shine, White Knights!"

[Incubator of Oa,] the White Ring chimed, [Destiny awaits…]

"I don't understand..."

And then Kyubey became Kyubeyko.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Up Next!**

_Story Tenth_

"Magical Girl Lyrical Mami Aces begins now..."


	10. Aces of A's 01 - For Want Of A Nail

**Four years ago…**

_I am dying._

_I lay slumped upon a warm pool of my own blood, inside the smashed passenger compartment of the car._

_Mom and Dad died like this. How fitting that I will die like them. In this, at least, I am truly their child._

_And now I will join them. I will no longer be alone._

_But:_

"_Help me… someone… anyone… please save me… I don't want to die…"_

_I hear a slight noise, the kind made by a small animal in hasty motion. With great effort and pain, I open my eyes._

_A cat pads over to my side. Its fur is the purest white save for a red mark upon its back, and its ears are long and floppy like a bloodhound._

_Oh, great, it came to eat my eyeballs while I'm still alive._

_I shut my eyelids. If the cat wants my eyeballs, it will have to work for them. This is the only resistance my dying body can offer._

_[Make a contract with me and become a magical girl.]_

_In my last moments on this ugly, beautiful world, I regret being an anime and cosplay fanatic. That's because I can hear Emiri Katou-chama making me an offer I can't refuse._

_[If you make a contract with me, I will grant you one wish.]_

_A wish? That would be nice. I'm dying, anyway, so what do I have to lose by grabbing a knife by the blade?_

"_I wish to stay alive," I whispered. "I wish to stay connected to this ugly yet beautiful world."_

_And I hold what little breath remains in my body in the faintest hope that a miracle would indeed take place, that I would survive, that I would be saved._

_[Oh,] Emiri-chama pipes up, [It appears I made a mistake.]_

_A mistake? I force my eyes to open again. The cat is still there for some reason._

_Wait a minute. I've never seen a cat with a bushy tail like that of a fox. And it has four ears, not two. It has two normal cat ears, but sticking out of them are two more ears that are long and floppy with three pink tips and golden rings halfway down its lengths. And its eyes are beady pink buttons with maroon irises._

_This isn't a normal cat- or a cat, for that matter…_

_[You are incompatible with the process of conversion into a magical girl,] Emiri-chama tells me._

_I knew it. Why did I even dare to hope in the first place? There are no miracles. Promises are meant to be broken. I can't become a magical girl._

_After all, I'm a-_

"_Hoop Bind!"_

_Blue bands of energy wrap around the white cat. I look beyond the captured creature, look for the source of the cry. In the back of my mind, I realize that the world seems to have gone dark and quiet like the grave. No wonder no one cared for my cries back then. In this dead space, in this sealed reality, no one could hear me scream._

_Two girls, grey-haired and bright-eyed, approach me. They look identical save that one has longer hair. For some reason they give off the impression of being cat-like. One of them, the one with longer hair, is gesturing with her right hand. A circular array of blue light slowly rotates before her._

_Is that... magic?_

_Closely following the girls is a tall gentleman of Caucasian descent. He shares the same shade of grey hair as the twins, and wears a thick moustache and a chinstrap beard with distinguished dignity. His outfit is dark blue and looks to be military, and his right hand totes a sturdy-looking metal briefcase._

_He glares at the cat. "An Incubator," he says with such coldness that I shiver. "I should have known you'd be here."_

_His companions openly hiss at the cat. "How dare you take the form of a cat?" spat the girl with shorter hair. I only notice now that she has cat ears, real and proper cat ears, erect and twitching in anger. And at her, umm, behind is a matching tail that is currently standing on end._

"_You give us good cat familiars a bad name!" agrees the other girl, the one who sustained the Hoop Bind spell. She, too, has the same enraged ears and tail._

_They're not human. And they're talking to the cat. The old man called it 'Incubator.' Is that what it's called?_

_I hear Emiri Katou-chama talking again. Her voice seems to be coming from the Incubator, but the thing's cat-like lips do not move. Psychic abilities?_

_[I did not expect to encounter members of the Dimensional Administration Bureau here. Your organization does not have an established presence in this Unadministered World. Why are you here?]_

"_Earth is my home," the old man replies. "I will not let you sacrifice it for your own ends."_

_[I do not understand. We are seeking to preserve the universe from entropy. Surely your Bureau would be supportive of our objective?] Incubator asks._

"_Your goal is laudable, but your method to achieve that end is despicable," the old man sneers. "However, I will give you this much: You gave me the idea for my own desperate plan."_

_[What do you mean?]_

"_Sacrifice one to save the many, the few to save the rest. That is how you think."_

_[It is only logical to pursue the most efficient resolution to a problem," Incubator agrees.]_

"_Then you would understand if I took a few pages from your book, in more ways than one." The old man has unlocked his briefcase. He takes out a thick tome wrapped in chains. The brown leather front cover of the book displays a golden Schwertkreuz, a cross-shaped emblem with pointed arrowhead arms, an insignia that originated in my homeland._

"_That is the Lost Logia known in Ancient Velka as the __Buch der Dunkelheit__," the Incubator says._

_My mind reels. Those are German words. My native language._

_The Book of Darkness..._

_It sounds like a terrible thing. Yet why do I feel sad when I see it bound by chains like this?_

"_Correct," the old man replies. "And since you know what this is, then you can hazard a guess as to what I am planning."_

_Incubator tilts its head in what might have been a charming gesture had it been a character in a Shaft anime. [There is no fundamental difference between the logic of my plan and that of yours,] it pointed out._

"_I will not disagree with you. I am a tired and desperate old man who has seen enough death in my lifetime to last him a hundred lifetimes. My plan is not the kindest, nor is it the neatest. But it is the only one I have, and it will have to do." The old man's smile is bitter and full of self-loathing. "And the difference between your plan and mine, Incubator, is that it allows me to punish you for the crimes you committed. A clean death is too good for the likes of you. So you will be doing community service for all eternity. Your Linker Core should be able to fill up a page or two of the Book of Darkness. That would be efficient use of my resources, yes?"_

_Incubator did not reply._

"_I suppose that is the closest your kind can approximate fear. Aria?" The old man sounded even colder than before. "Rip out its Linker Core."_

"_Of course, Father." The cat girl with the shorter hair swiftly stepped up to the blue-bound Incubator. "I'm going to enjoy this, Kyubey," Aria growled as she got down on one knee and held her right palm over Incubator's body. "You are not."_

_Another glowing blue circle appeared beneath her hand. Aria pushed her hand and forearm into the circle, which swallowed up her limb._

_Still bound by the blue ribbons, Incubator squirms like an earthworm swarmed by fire ants. But the really disturbing thing is that its face remained expressionless throughout its apparent agony. I can no longer hear the voice of Katou-chama, and I am sort of thankful for that small mercy._

_Aria breaks into a wide, cat-like smile. "Got you, you little monster." She slowly draws her arm out of the circle, the limb encountering some sort of resistance. When her hand emerges, I could see a glowing white ball clutched within her fingers._

_So that's what a Linker Core is..._

"_White," the old man murmurs. "The color of death in this country..."_

_With a sharp motion of her arm, Aria yanks her hand and her prize away from Incubator. At the same time, the cat-like Incubator goes limp on the pavement._

_She killed it... and yet I have the feeling it had it coming…_

_Rising from her crouch, Aria takes Incubator's Linker core to the old man she called 'father.' _

"_Releasing contract restriction system to Level One," he chants. "Situation C."_

_The chains around the book loosen. The tome flips open. Blank pages flutter in the night breeze._

_Someone speaks up in archaic German. The new voice is female and artificial._

_[__Lassen Siesteuern Kunst Einschränkung Systeme__drei... __zwei... __ein__, erkannte __Genehmigung der __Situation C__. __Beginn der __Cromwell __Aufruf. __Fähigkeit Beschränkungen aufgehoben__für den begrenzten Einsatz__, bis der Feind __gemacht wurde still__.]_

_Years of living in Japan have made my German rusty. The physical and mental shocks I've experienced have dulled my mind. But I manage a translation._

Release Control Art Restriction Systems three… two… one, approval of Situation C recognized. Commencing the Cromwell invocation. Ability restrictions lifted for limited use until the enemy has been rendered silent.

_It is the most beautiful voice I've ever heard. It is also the saddest I've ever known._

_Why are you sad?_

_The Incubator's white Linker Core floats away from Aria's hand and heads towards the Book. It sinks into one of the pages, which fills with the same strange inscriptions that decorate the cat girl's magic circle._

_[Geschreiben,] the Book says. [Blatt ein.] _Downloading. Page one.

_A few words murmured by the old man tighten the chains wrapped around the Book of Darkness. The leather-bound covers of the magical tome reluctantly slam shut._

_The poor thing..._

"_Good riddance to bad rubbish," Aria mutters. I do not know if she is referring to Incubator or the Book. But if it is the latter- then I feel... angry..._

_Her twin sister is talking to the old man. "Father, is everything all right?"_

"_Everything is according to plan, Lotte." He kneels beside up. This close to him, I can clearly see the lines of age and worry etched into his forehead- and the relief evident in his eyes. "I am sorry, my child," he says. "I only arrived now. But you are safe now."_

_I weakly swallow to clear my clogged throat. My tongue licks at my trembling lips. "Who are you?" I moan._

"_My name is Gil Graham." He gently rests the Book of Darkness upon my bleeding chest and his hand upon my forehead. Both book and hand feel warm upon my skin. "I am a mage."_

.

**The Present Time**

It had been a long and fruitful year for fifteen year-old Mami Tomoe. She became a magical girl, saved plenty of people and the whole of Mitakihara City, met and fought and befriended a dark magical girl, established first contact with a dimensional police force, overcame a threat to the universe, and entered her second year in junior high school with flying colors. If anyone deserved a break, she did.

And she did take breaks. She shared Earl Grey tea and peach cakes with her classmates and cute juniors during the After-School Tea Time Club. She attended conventions, with her parents accompanying her whenever their busy schedules permitted. She traded video mail with Fate through the occasional "pony express" courier ship, because Earth lay outside the reach of Mid-Childa's ComStar inter-dimensional sea HyperPulse Generator communications network. And she had a KitKat, too. The popular confectionary went well with certain blends of tea.

Yet Mami worked just as hard throughout her second year as a civilian volunteer duly deputized by the Dimensional Administration Bureau. She went through a marathon of her father's John Woo heroic bloodshed movies. She played first person arcade shooter games like Time Crisis, The House of the Dead, Keisatsuan Shinjuku 24ji, and Silent Scope. She even dared to cosplay as the lush Rushuna Tendou from Grenadier, down to hiding fake bullets in her Victoria's secret compartment. (Her initial choice had been the far more modestly-clad Noel Vermillion of BlazBlue, but Mami happened to be more... talented than the 2D fighting game gunslinger.)

There was nothing wrong with mixing business and pleasure. And it gave Raging Heart plenty of material for new weapons and combat scenarios. The good didn't rest on their laurels; the wicked knew no rest.

After all, if this were an anime, Season 2 was sure to start soon.

.

_"Demon Cannon Girl-"_

_*static*_

_"-Magical Girl Lyrical Mami ~Aces of A's~ begins now..."_

.

**The Many Lives of Mami Tomoe**

_Story Tenth_

Demon Cannon Girl

.

**Disclaimer**

Haruhi Suzumiya –SOS Brigade Chief, God, and Author Apparent in Sheo Darren's stories- gnashed her pearly whites. She was currently dressed, styled, tattooed, and armed in the manner of Mimawarigumi vice captain Nobume 'Mukuro' Imai from Gintama, with whom she shared a voice actress.

"Why am I handling the disclaimer for this?" she demanded. "I didn't write this! This fic isn't in the Haruhi section! It's a Madoka fic!"

"Regardless, Suzumiya-sama, my request still stands." Airi -Infernal Temptress and recently-acquired wraith assassin French maid of the absent Author- bowed respectfully. "Darren-sama is... indisposed. Please take over for the moment."

"There's no way you're getting me to cameo in this fic to blurb on behalf of a moeblob who isn't Mikuru-chan!"

"Darren-sama also bid me to tell you that you can consider this as practice for when you ascend to Authorhood."

"Why didn't you say so immediately?" Haruhi whipped her katana and tanto out of the extra-long scabbard they shared. "Listen up and listen well because I won't repeat myself! Sheo Darren doesn't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Magical Girl Lyrical Madoka A's, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, or the other various media that he is copping!" She smirked. "I'll see you in the Author Apparent's Notes section!"

.

**chapter the first**

_for want of a nail_

.

The eerily familiar sensation that washed over her skin jerked Mami out of her light evening repose. "A Barrier," she murmured, instantly awake and aware.

Her mother, Vivienne, was fast asleep, and her father, Jun, had the night shift at his workplace. The Barrier would have written them out anyway, which was for the best. Mami did not want to endanger her family.

Near her bedside sat a basket. Inside her closet dwelled a neatly rolled-up futon. Both lacked their occupant. The vacancies made her richly-furnished room deserted, made her feel empty and even alone.

Yuuno had yet to return from Mid-Childa. The young archaeologist had been summoned by the DAB to testify at Fate's trial regarding the Jewel Seed Incident.

It felt lonely without him at her side. Yuuno had made her dream come true, made her the magical girl of her dreams. He taught her the basics of her power, guided her as she exceeded his own power and his wildest expectations, and guarded her back during battles.

In a way, this was her first flight, her very first mission on her own.

Yet she did not stand alone in the vast garden backyard of her home. She was never alone.

"Raging Heart," Mami murmured to the ruby jewel that she tugged free from the twine necklace around her neck. "Let's go."

[Yes, my Master. Stand by, ready.]

The resulting sphere of pink energy served to defend Mami from dangerously genre-savvy villains who dared to interrupt her transformation sequence. In addition and more importantly, the opaque privacy curtain hid her from sight during the next few rather embarrassing moments.

Her pajamas peeled away like golden flower petals plucked by covetous fingers. Her underwear quickly followed suit, leaving the sixteen-year old girl wearing a full body blush from head to toe.

"A mage's civilian clothes," Yuuno had told her during one of his earliest lectures, "Are stored inside a pocket dimension. If something overcomes your Barrier Jacket, your civilian clothes would automatically return and replace them."

Mami trusted him. If he said she wasn't going to accidently get the reputation of being a stripper, then she wouldn't. Still, she couldn't help but teasingly ask Yuuno if he also ended up naked during his transformation sequence.

"I didn't show you my naked body, Mami!" he had wailed like a girl while curling up into a fetal ball and turning his back on the half-startled, half-amused Mami. "Please don't shoot me in the face with a Divine Buster Rifle again!"

_Yuuno-kun... Thank you for everything …_

Physically and psychologically buoyed by the power she and Raging Heart possessed, Mami could forget her nakedness and loneliness. She drew upon her massive mental repertoire of magical girl transformation sequences and a brief flirtation with ballet to perform a graceful dance routine to the sound of a heavenly Latin chorus.

_**Solti ola ii amaliche cantia masa estia~**_

Magical power flowed out of her Linker Core, twirled around her body, and solidified into frills of justice. Mami had instinctively based her Barrier Jacket on her school uniform during her first transformation. Raging Heart borrowed images from her subconscious to doll up her outfit with a feather-adorned beret (Mami liked nice hats,) long finger-less gloves, a bustier that amplified her most prominent physical assets, pinstripe thigh-high socks, and slim girl boots.

"Magical Girl Lyrical Mami Tomoe!"

Within this Barrier, her only companion was Raging Heart, the only audience that could enjoy her one-girl show. But the solitude made it all the more important for Mami to proclaim her title and name. She was a real magical girl. She would do her duty.

"Raging Heart, begin Long Range Scan."

[Yes, my Master.]

Readings indicated that the Barrier encompassed the entirety of Mitakihara City. Its size, power, and sustenance required either multiple mages or a powerful and experienced mage.

_Like Precia Testarossa…_

Mami shuddered. Precia was gone, if not dead, never to return from that black abyss that she had dragged poor Alicia into. And this Barrier did not fit the style of that madwoman. Rather, Barriers in general did not fit Precia's furious style. Fate's lunatic creator (Mami refused to consider that woman to be anything like a mother to her friend) had seemed totally dedicated to shock-and-awe offense that made her friend's lightning spells seem like static electricity in comparison.

Neither could this Barrier be the work of the DAB. They knew of Mami's presence on Unadministered World #97, as well as of her limited but existent authority. Admiral Lindy had filed the proper paperwork. At the very least, any Bureau personnel present on the planet would have informed Mami of their intention to raise a Barrier in her very hometown lest she accidentally shoot them in the face with a Divine Buster Rifle.

She briefly considered the slim possibility of a hidden Earth-based magic society that had finally chosen to make its presence known tonight. But Mami doubted such a closeted culture would employ a Barrier spell similar to the Mid-Childan-style alternate dimension currently in effect.

Similar was not identical. Raging Heart was unable to extrapolate on the Barrier's exact nature. This unknown worried Mami. So did the high possibility that the caster possessed intentions like Fate's- or worse.

_Time to find out,_ she decided, _and time to show the flag._ Once she was airborne, Mami deliberately generated the most palpable energy signature she was capable of. It was the magical equivalent of a police cruiser's wailing siren and flashing lights.

A loose formation of gun drones combed the airspace ahead of their mistress. Their cameras and sensors fed their take directly to Raging Heart, which then correlated and translated the data into a form that Mami could comprehend. Information was ammunition and one could never have enough dakka.

The primary suspect, who floated within the eye of the uncanny storm, proved to be a young girl around nine years of age. The child's clothes were an odd synergy of gothic Lolita fashion and Gothic plate armor, exemplified by a knightly helm sporting bunny head decorations. Her Device was equally peculiar in appearance, resembling a polo hammer far more than a proper war hammer.

She reminded Mami of a black widow spider nesting at the heart of its beautiful but deadly web, fragile in appearance but incredibly deadly, patiently waiting for -and even outright inviting- some unsuspecting fly to flutter into its domain.

The girl wasn't the one who raised the Barrier. Even a novice (if abnormally powerful) mage like Mami could tell that she wasn't diverting a single erg of energy to maintaining the alternate dimension. Someone else was doing that for her.

_I'm outnumbered... I need to be very careful…_

Mami made sure that her Divine Buster Rifle was visible but not held in a threatening manner. As she looked into the other mage's face, Mami saw that the younger girl had startlingly brilliant blue eyes and red hair tied up into two pigtails.

"Unidentified mage, I am Mami Tomoe, a volunteer duly deputized by the Dimensional Administration Bureau." She held up her DAB deputy badge, the hard-earned proof of her authority. "I am in charge of Unadministered World 97. You are in violation of DAB law. Please identify yourself and your reasons for deploying a Barrier in an area populated by non-magic users."

The girl glared at her. "An agent of STAB!" she practically spat. Her Japanese was mostly neutral, tinged by a hint of what sounded like a Kansai accent.

Mami sighed. Chrono would have probably been offended by that comment. She decided to take offense on behalf of the absent agent.

"It's DAB," she corrected, "not STAB. And the spikes on the shoulder pauldrons of DAB officers are not villainous."

The girl ignored her. "Graf Eisen!"

[Jawohl!] responded the hammer she gripped.

_Count Steel? Roger?_ That was surprisingly good German from the unknown girl and her Device. Mami herself was part-Westerner on her mother's side, explaining her blond hair. She knew more than enough German to find her way through 'Doitsu.' And Raging Heart also served as a universal translator… in more way than one.

"Sind Sie aus Deutschland?" she asked. _Are you from Germany?_

The girl responded by lunging at Mami with her polo hammer. "Tödlich Strafe!" _Deadly Punishment!_

_Great,_ the DAB deputy grimly thought after dodging that blow_. This girl is probably evil. People who use 'Deadly Punishment' as an attack name can't be good._

_Then again, Fate and Bardiche also seemed like villains when I first met them…_

_First contact failed. Again._

Mami hastened to open the distance between her and her attacker. "You're under arrest! Deactivate your Intelligent Device, Barrier Jacket, and Barrier, or I will use force!" She repeated the riot act in German. "Sie sind verhaftet! Deaktivieren Sie Ihre Intelligent Device, Barrier Jacket und Barrier, oder ich Gewalt anwenden!"

If the hammer girl ever understood the warning, she ignored it. Instead she assumed a stance akin to a tennis player about to launch a serve, her hammer Device held like a racket. Metal spheres appeared between the fingers of her free palm.

_She's doing it wrong,_ Mami randomly thought. _A polo hammer is swung underhand, not overhead…_

Unknowing (and probably uncaring) of Mami's opinion, the hammer girl smashed the quartet of silver bullets towards the DAB deputy with a cry of "Schwalbe Flieger!"

"Fin Funnels! Tiro!" All six attack drones went on full automatic fire. The resulting phalanx of pink beams slagged two of the supersonic spheres, the Schwalbe Flieger providing unpleasantly tougher than the typical Mid-Childan magic missile.

Mami hastily diverted three of her Fin Funnels from active point defense to creating a triangular shield to block the first surviving Schwalbe Flieger. She bore witness to the rather terrifying sight of the spinning sphere burrowing into the pink wall of her Protection. Her faltering shield exerted sympathetic pressure on her mind and person as sustained application of kinetic energy forced it back.

Her remaining Fin Funnels realigned themselves and vaped the third Schwalbe Flieger at point blank range. The melting sphere quickly shredded itself upon the Fin Funnel Shield. Taking a hint from her father's Full Metal Panic sci-fi light novels, Mami then adjusted the placement of her Protection spell so that the last Schwalbe Flieger hit it at a steep angle. Meeting the magical equivalent of sloped armor, the sphere got deflected into the wall of a building.

For the first time since this crisis began, Mami silently thanked the fact that her opponent had raised a Barrier beforehand. Conventionally repairing that pulverized wall would have been expensive and time-consuming.

Hammer girl was keen to collect on that unspoken favor. The hostile magical girl careened towards Mami, her advance covered by her Schwalbe Flieger volley. Green bands of energy encircled her legs, propelling her through the air faster than Mami's own Flier Fins.

[Flash Move,] Raging Heart reported as it hastily carried its mistress out of the way of the descending hammer.

Enough was enough. "My turn." Mami commanded her Fin Funnels to counterattack. The half dozen gun platforms scattered to surround her attacker. "Tiro!"

The same multi-vector attack had forced Fate to desperately jink and dive through a lattice of pink beams. The hammer girl, however, only yelled "Panzerschilde!" The green energy field that surrounded her body shrugged off the blasts.

_This girl's Barrier Jacket and shields must be stronger than Fate's if they can resist my beams on armor piercing mode,_ the increasingly-concerned Mami thought._ But by how much?_

It was time to call forth a new system of measurement. "Divine Buster Rifle! Stun Mode!" She carefully aimed her massive cannon, waited for the trill of a lock-on, and pulled the trigger with a cry of "Tiro!"

Mami was relieved when the alarmed hammer girl dodged her attack. _If she had shrugged that off, I would have been very worried... Hmm, did I graze her?_

Indeed the hammer girl was lacking her strangely-adorned helmet. She had gone pale and wide-eyed, and was even shaking from her pig-tailed head to crimson-booted feet.

_Ah,_ Mami thought,_ I have her attention now._

The naive DAB deputy could be forgiven for mistaking anger for fear. The two emotions often came together, distance on the Lantern emotional spectrum notwithstanding.

"Put the hammer down," Mami crisply ordered, "and surrender."

"You want me to put the hammer down? I'll put the hammer down, all right... right on top of your skull!"

Mami flinched. She had witnessed a similar snarl on Precia's face right before Fate's lunatic mo- ah, creator threw herself and Alicia into an abyss of no return. It was not one of her favorite memories.

"Ladepatrone!" the hammer girl yelled.

_Load… Cartridge?_

[Jawohl!] Graf Eisen answered.

The sound of a gunshot jolted Mami. Only then did she spot the hatch on the half of the girl's Device -_Graf Eisen_, she recalled, the name of a German battleship from World War II- sliding down in a familiar way to reveal a port, which spat out a small cylinder before the hatch covered it once more. The mechanism resembled and acted like the slide of a semiautomatic pistol.

_Oh. Oh, dear._

[Explosion!] Graf Eisen announced.

The redhead's hammer transformed. A blunt business end gained a cruel spike. The other end of the bludgeon now sprouted rocket nozzles.

"Raketen Hammer!" the hammer girl howled before charging forth, the rockets on her weapon igniting.

Mami hastily gathered all six of her Fin Funnels. "Fin Funnel Shield!" Her constructs encased her opponent within a pyramidal force field. At the same time, shesummoned her second Divine Buster Rifle, intending to let her opponent have both barrels of her second strongest Bombardment spell, the same attack that had nearly defeated Fate.

Screaming like a banshee, the hammer girl slammed her rocket hammer Device into the plane of energy barring her way.

The combination Bind-Protection spell shattered like brittle glass. So did Mami's confidence. She frantically brought the Twin Divine Buster Rifle to bear on her onrushing foe, the Beam Bayonets stabbing out like spears, but the bulk of her gun slowed her down.

"Beam Bayo-"

"DIE, BITCH!"

The rocket hammer chewed through the Twin Divine Buster Rifle like a power drill through plywood. Golden metal screamed as if in pain. Ruby crystal cracked and splintered. In a heartbeat, Raging Heart had been crippled worse than the time Mami raced Fate into sealing that overcharged Jewel Seed.

And then the drill hammer caromed off the abused Intelligent Device and slammed into the blouse of Mami's Barrier Jacket, which flickered and then flared as it grudgingly gave way-

[Reactor Purge,] Raging Heart warned right before it detonated the fading Barrier Jacket, explosively separating its mistress from her attacker with a bright and loud flash of energy.

The next thing Mami knew, she was sprawled on her back upon the shattered concrete street. Debris and pain stabbed into her entire body. She tasted blood in her mouth, and her throat seemed to clench from the sick taste.

Fighting down the urge to vomit, she directed her wavering gaze at her torso. The blouse of her Barrier Jacket was gone, leaving her in the form-fitting white undergarment that so resembled a one-piece junior high swimsuit. Out of the corner of her tear-clogged eye, she could see her tattered headgear hanging upon a nearby protruding I-beam.

_What was the receipt number of the Jewel Seed that hit me?_

Glass and cement crackled beneath the approaching boots of the merciless hammer girl. The moonlight cast a sinister light upon the brutish redhead.

Mami had managed to hold onto the pistol grip of the wrecked Twin Divine Buster with her right hand. But when she tried to raise the weapon one-handed, Raging Heart had never felt heavier. Too heavy. Her arm had gone numb. Numbed arm. Numb arm. Narm, naaarrrmmm...

Instead, she raised her left hand, the unarmed one, the limb trembling as if palsied, as she pleaded for mercy.

"S-s-stop..."

The seething hammer girl raised her weapon for an overhead blow that would cave in Mami's skull.

_She's going to kill me... I'm going to die…_

Her vision went black and then white. Superimposed upon the suddenly faded figure of the hammerloli blood knight was a white cat-like creature that spoke in a voice that reminded Mami of the super cute voice actress Emiri Katou.

[Make a contract with me and become a magical girl!]

_W-w-what?_

It seemed so familiar, too. Was this what it meant to die? To see an alternate life flashing before her eyes before all went slowly, inevitably, eternally dark?

_No. No. No, no, no, no, no!_

_I don't want to die,_ Mami silently sobbed as the world around her grew dim and cool. _I want to live!_

[Thunder Rage.]

"Thunder! Rage!"

The bright light at the end of her darkening tunnel vision proved electric gold. It reminded her of the sun. Of lightning. Of lances of photon energy and raging thunder and smashing sparks. Like-

Like the unbound mane of the girl standing before her, standing between her and her attacker, black cape and white skirt flaring in a dramatic and sexy way, unyielding stance declaring that the enemy shall not pass unless it was over her cold, dead, bondage swimsuit-clad body and broken Intelligent Device.

"Fate?" Mami whimpered.

"Who the hell are you?" the hammer girl exploded.

Fate Testarossa glared Photon Lancers at the girl- no, the **target** who had hurt Mami, **her** Mami. She angrily hefted Bardiche. The wicked crescent moon of energy that served as the blade of the Scythe Form Device sizzled furiously.

"I am her precious."

And she attacked.

.

While the newest member of the DAB covered them, Yuuno tended Mami's numerous wounds. "Rest easy, Mami," he told her. "You're safe now. We're all here."

"Thank you, Yuuno-kun." She managed to match her words with a weary smile. "Welcome back."

"I'm sorry we're late. Dimensional Sea traffic was slow and the Barrier slowed us down even more."

"Don't apologize. You did your best. And you're here now. I'm glad you're here."

Alas, their quality bonding time was soon disrupted by an unexpected and unpleasant development.

"(Yuuno, Mami!)" Arf rang the alarm over their psychic network. "(More enemies have appeared!)" After an angry intake of breathe, she added, "(They managed to break Bardiche!)"

"Oh, no! Fate's in danger!" Mami struggled to get back on her feet, only to gasp as a fresh surge of pain tumbled her into Yuuno's arms. "We have to help her," she gasped.

"You won't do any good in your current state, Mami. I'll go," the young archaeologist offered. "I can hold my own. All we need to do is hang on long enough for Amy to unravel this Barrier so that the _Asura_ can send in reinforcements."

She couldn't argue with him, not when he used that surprisingly manly tone on her. "Just be careful, Yuuno-kun," Mami begged. She could withstand physical injury; she couldn't stand seeing her friends get hurt.

"Don't worry. I'll be careful." After casting a dome shield on Mami, Yuuno recalled something Chrono did last year. "I'll be back," he promised alongside the appropriate thumbs-up gesture.

Armed with the memory of his friend's giggle, he entered the fray, relieving the pressure on the embattled Fate by intercepting an attack meant for her.

"Raketen Hammer!"

"Protect Shade!"

Really, Yuuno wished Mami had shown him GaoGaiGar before Evangelion. If he was going to yell out his attacks (or, in his case, his defenses,) he would rather quote a hot-blooded show about courage transforming a 1% chance into 100% rather than a teen who possessed enough issues to fill several volumes. Besides, his spells and energies shared the same color and role as the King of Braves' force field.

"Tsch," the hammer girl scowled. "You're tougher than that girl..."

Yuuno was not easy to anger. But attempting to crush his crush was equal to mashing one of his dusty, unused, forgotten berserk buttons.

"Chain Bind!"

The hammer girl easily dodged the linear attack that whizzed past her head. "Where are you aiming?" she taunted.

"Behind you," Yuuno shot back. "Chain Retract."

SWISH!

Yuuno's Bind spell retracted at high speed. Along for the ride came a manhole cover that he had been aiming for in the first place. Said item was made of good, thick steel and caromed off the back of the hammer loli's equally thick skull.

CLANG!

"Ow!" She clutched her head and hat in a protective way. "Sankt Kaiser damn it! What was that?" she demanded.

"Don't underestimate an archaeologist," Yuuno advised while brandishing the manhole cover as if it was a discus.

.

Watching the battle from within the safety of the bubble shield, Mami fretted. Arf was evenly matched against her opponent while Yuuno appeared to be toying with the girl who had injured her. But Fate was barely able to keep up with the pink-haired swordswoman and Bardiche had incurred almost as much damage as Raging Heart, and that was after Fate's device had implemented its Regeneration protocol.

"Everyone... they're fighting so hard for me... and I can't do anything to help them," she lamented to herself.

But she wasn't alone.

[Master. Call me Starlight Breaker Satellite Cannon.]

Twisted metal groaned out a tortured medley that prompted the wincing Mami to flinch and shudder in sympathy. A shower of flakes and shards of golden alloy pinged off the floor. But Raging Heart did not complain as it completed the painful transformation into the heavyweight siege cannon mode. [I can be shot,] it promised.

Mami wiped away the tears from her eyes. Her poor Raging Heart had suffered so much for her, because of her. But it had not yet given up. It would keep on fighting to the very end.

She could do no less.

"Thank you, Raging Heart. Let's show them a Tiro Finale they'll never forget!" she urged.

[Affirmative, Master.]

"(Yuuno-kun, Fate-chan, Arf!)" Mami broadcasted her plan on their mental communications network.

Her friends immediately vetoed her reckless plan. But Mami quickly persuaded them that her plan was the only option- and that it would work.

"(All, right, Mami,)" Yuuno reluctantly agreed. "(We'll do it your way.)"

"(Promise me you'll be careful, Mami,)" Fate insisted.

"(Thanks, Yuuno-kun. Don't worry, Fate, I'll pace myself.)"

Trusting in her friends to hold off the enemy for the thirty seconds Raging Heart needed, Mami summoned the collector panels that drew mana from her surroundings. The force field that Yuuno left in place to protect her quickly broke down, the shield designed to protect against external foes, not energy siphoning from within.

"Hnghhh..."

Casting a spell had always spread a warm sensation from Mami's bosom and throughout her body. According to Yuuno, the rise in ambient and body temperatures was a side effect generated by her Linker Core when it converted her energy calculations into functional spells. More powerful spells, such as the bombardment magic Mami was so fond of spamming, gave off correspondingly greater amounts of heat.

She had previously run the risk of overheating during the assault on the Garden of Time. But even back then, her Linker Core had not grown so scorching hot that her chest burned as if the blood coursing through her heart and veins had turned into napalm.

Mami grit her teeth to cut off any complain or protest. Fate had put up with far worse over a longer time. So had Raging Heart, who had broken itself twice by now on her behalf. If they could withstand worse, then she could endure this trifling pain.

[Kaixa... Faiz... Fourze... V3...]

And then Raging Heart went into the electronic equivalent of a frothing rant as it screamed at the top of its normally melodic voice.

[Cyclone! Joker! Heat! Metal! Luna! Trigger! Fang! Skull! Accel! Eternal!]

"Raging Heart?" Mami was alarmed by her Device's apparent lapse into psychosis. "What's wrong?" Was the damage to its systems proving more than Raging Heart assumed? Had she just irresponsibly wrecked her partner, her friend?

To her relief, when Raging Heart spoke again, it had recovered its typical cool-under-fire tone. [I am fine,] it reported before continuing its countdown. [Double... The First-]

"Kyaaahhh!"

A hand protruded from Mami's torso. Her left breast found itself in the clutches of groping fingers. The paralyzed girl let out a helpless moan as the hand experimentally kneaded her nubile flesh once, twice.

"Ugh," was the complaint from a place so far away yet also intimately immediate. "She's younger than me, but her mammies are already way bigger than mine..."

Veins bulged upon Fate and Yuuno's foreheads. "MAMI'S MAMMIES ARE MINE!" the reformed dark magical girl and the archaeologist furious bellowed together as they very nearly broke past their startled opponents.

"Shamal!" the hammer loli yelled as she hastily fended off a manhole cover used as the business end of a killer yoyo. "Hurry up and drain that girl dry already!"

"Hrghmph!" agreed her pink-haired companion, her response muffled by a face full of blinding cape as her blonde opponent dashed past her.

Fate and Yuuno's responses were unprintable. Their efforts redoubled in vigor and violence.

"I'm sorry..." The offending hand released the moaning Mami's breast, sank back into her chest-

And then Mami started screaming for real as what felt like her soul was ripped out of her body.

"MAMI!"

Her friends' horrified cries pierced through the hazy veil of pain strangling her consciousness as surely as the hand gripping her Soul Gem-ah, no, her Linker Core, the pain was making it so hard to think straight...

So did the complete countdown of her Device. [OOO,] Raging Heart finished, pronouncing it as 'Ozu.'

"T-T-Tiro," Mami hissed as her finger desperately applied pounds of pressure to the trigger. "FINALE!"

Her final shot lit up the dark sky, tearing apart the veil of illusion draped upon her beloved city. The pain within her chest subsided into a faint burn. She even managed to force her bleeding lips into a satisfied smile.

_I... did it... My friends... are safe... I can-_

And then the blessedly sweet oblivion of unconsciousness devoured her whole, though not before mercifully granting her a glimpse of Fate and Yuuno hastening towards her falling form.

.

**To be continued**

.

**Author Apparent Notes**

"At last!" Haruhi crowed. "After seventeen pages in Microsoft Word, I'm free!" Still cosplaying Nobume, she brandished her mismatched blades at the protagonist of this fic. "It's time to conquer Madoka!"

Mami produced a Krispy Kreme glazed donut. Haruhi's mouth instantly engulfed the bait, very nearly biting off Mami's fingertips in the process.

"Darn it," the Author Apparent grumbled through a mouthful of chewy confectionary. "I've gone full Nobume... I should never go full Nobume…"

Airi assumed the role of exposition girl. "Darren-sama originally planned this to be a single chapter, 'Aces of A's,'" she began. "He expected the project to match the 25-page Starheart chapter in length."

"He always bites off more than he can chew," Haruhi grumbled before swallowing the last bit of donut in her mouth.

"Pot," Mami pointed out, "meet kettle." She did, however, proffer a cup of tea to wash down the snack.

"Thanks, Tomoe-san."

"You're welcome, Suzumiya-san."

"In addition," Airi elaborated, "If one can map Darren-sama's current mental landscape, it would be akin to Muv-Luv Unlimited: The Day After or Shingeki no Kyojin. Those are not for those with stomachs that aren't cast out of iron or nerves forged from steel," she warned.

"I was expecting comparisons to Saikano or Saya no Uta," Mami thought.

"Those are heart-wrenching romantic tragedies," Haruhi argued. "Sheo just wants to do a Tenth Doctor and blow up Pompeii or drown the spawn of the Racnoss Queen."

"I thought that was more of a Ninth Doctor, the one who destroyed Gallifrey and Skaro."

"I thought the John Hurt Doctor was the one who did that, not the Cristopher Eccleston one."

Airi let out a small diplomatic cough. "To make a long story short, Sheo-sama decided to divide this story into several chapters. His intent is to create a mini-arc, Demon Cannon Girl, to make up for the passage of strange aeons when even Death has died."

"What's with that morbid statement?" Haruhi snapped. "I thought Sheo had applied the Alastor=Chtugha=Ion treatment of the Chtulhu Mythos to his stories?"

"But that would invalidate Saya-chan," Mami remembered.

"The shoggoth or the vampire? And if she's the latter, is she the one from The Last Vampire or the one in Blood-C?"

"Yes." After giving the mathematical answer, Airi bowed. "With that said, please enjoy this first instalment as well as its accompanying bonuses."

.

**OMAKE**

_Crossover_

It was the end times. The end of days. The open door through which poured the roiling Sea of Golden Chaos to consume all which existed. One of those days when Sheo Darren, Haruhi Suzumiya, Yukari Yakumo, Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, and Xellos got really, really bored and trollish.

Mami Tomoe, Lyrical Magical Girl, stared at Mami Tomoe, Green Lantern of Starheart and Alastor, who gaped in return at her alternate self.

[Ring-chan and the other Raging Heart told me that there were days like this,] Starheart noted.

[Fourth Dimensional Wall breach detected,] Raging Heart stated. [Proceeding with Operation: Dutch Boy.]

And to the sound of a detonated Cartridge and green flames, hilarity ensued.

.

**OMAKE**

_Crossover_

The world has ended.

London. Paris. New York. Tokyo. And Mitakihara. The civilization that grew from the intelligence of mankind has vanished without a trace. All because mankind created two gods- one the pony-tailed blue giant of a Witch known as Dikeido, the other the equally gigantic gothloli-gowned shade titled Kriemhild Gretchen- who then got into a catfight due to the latter referring to the former by the name sported by her adult video parody.

[You're going down, Kaname-chan!] Dikeido shrieked as she yanked on both of Gretchen's ponytails. [No one calls me Hahiru and gets away with it!]

[Try harder, Suzumiya-san!] Gretchen snarled while trying to rip Dikeido's lone, longer ponytail out of her scalp. [You're just jealous because you only got a Brigade while I founded a Church!]

[Shut up, you Crystal Dragon Jesus!]

[At least I'm a form of Jesus unlike you, Little Miss Azathoth!]

[Virgin!]

[Slut!]

[Useless!]

[Geese!]

[Fifty Shades of Gray fan!]

[Twilight fan!]

That struck a nerve. After all, this version of Dikeido didn't stem from the Haruhi in OverMaster's Unequally Emotional and Rational story.

[Reminiscent Memories fan!]

The invocation of Sheo's extinct Gundam Wing fic (an abomination that the Author had deleted out of shame for the awful writing) silenced the shrieking mad world as a line was crossed not once, not twice, but thrice.

Waterfalls of acid poured from all seven of Gretchen's abyssal eyes. [That's too far, Haruhi-san,] she sobbed into the continent-wide palms of her clawed hands, [Too far...]

[I'm sorry, Madoka-chan…] The ashamed blush on Dikeido's cheeks set fire to what little remained of the atmosphere. [I didn't mean it,] she promised while embracing the other monstrosity.

"Well, fornicate," Kyubey succinctly summarized as the eldritch abominations began the first round of vigorous apology sex.

"Damn you, Dikeido!" Narutaki swore as reality and sanity, which had barely endured the catfight between two eldritch abominations, suddenly broke down into gibbering fits over the ensuing yuri scene. "This is your fault!"

"I'm in despair!" Homura's Soul Gem flashed nonstop as it went from murky to clean and back again. "Watching this NTR scene between my Madoka and Crazy Hirano has driven me into despair! But when I realize that giving into despair will turn me into a Witch and allow me to join them in a threesome, I regain hope and my Soul Gem gets cleansed! And that drives me into despair all over again!"

"Please make up your mind, Akemi-san," Kyubey sighed. "You're wasting energy as it is."

.

**Up Next!**

_chapter the next_

_This is the life._ _Surrounded by a warm family and good friends... I hope this never changes or ends..._


	11. Aces of A's 02 - Sixty-Third Rule

_The girl of my dreams hovers before me._

_Her hair is the color of freshly-fallen snow and reaches down to her waist. Her eyes are ruby red, brilliant and yet gentle. Her face is enchanting, her physique is to die for, and her asymmetrical outfit hugs her curvaceous body like a second skin._

_She is the prettiest, kindest, and most melancholic girl in the whole universe. She had been with me ever since that fateful day when we first met, the day Uncle Gil saved my life and placed her in my care. She has been a part of me for four years now, kept me company during my darkest days and coldest nights._

_"Hello, my Meister," she greets me._

_Hello, Book of Darkness._

_Ah, I hate to sound like a broken record, Book, but you have a really bad name._

_"That is true, my Meister. Nevertheless, it was the name given to me when I was created. And I will bear it to the end of my days."_

_That may be so, but it doesn't suit a pretty girl like you._

_"You are too kind, my Meister. But please remember that I am a Unison Device, a weapon of war, and not a human female."_

_That may be so. But you look and act like a girl. And in my book, that makes you a girl. Besides, a girl would never deny she is pretty, and you didn't protest when I called you pretty._

_Her pale cheeks gain the slightest hints of rosy heat. "Am I?" she wonders while absently playing with her long locks of white hair, a whimsical action that entrances me. "Pretty, I mean?"_

_Of course you are. In fact, you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen. And I happen to live with three pretty girls and my classmates are all quite pretty, so I would know._

_"Thank you."_

_You're welcome... ugh, I was about to call you Book of Darkness again..._

_Her girlish giggle is music to my ears. "You are forgiven," she assures me._

_But it's a terrible name! It doesn't lend itself to cute nicknames._

_"It does not matter so long as the person I love the most is the one who calls me that."_

_It's the turn of my face to heat up with embarrassment. I feel like the biggest country bumpkin in this Dimensional Sea she's told me about._

_If you say so, Book… Oh! I know! I'll give you a nicer name, one that suits you._

_"You will?"_

_Those expectant eyes of hers boost my confidence. Had I been nagged by any doubts, her gaze would have set me at ease and assured me that I was in the right._

_Just leave it to me. Hmm, let's see. How about we call you-_

.

Hyatt Aegami reluctantly awoke from peaceful slumber to discover that the warm body pillow cuddled in his arms (because his legs were paralyzed and thus unable to wrap around it for extra intimacy) was a drooling, snoring Vita, who had sleepwalked into his bed per habit.

"Mmm, Hyatt... I'm full... I'm gonna burst..."

Her lips moved towards his…

"AAAHHH! VITA! YOUR FACE! IT'S TOO CLOSE TO MINE!"

Despite his paralyzed legs and knowledge about the sleepwalking habits of his Crimson Knight, Hyatt still managed to catapult himself clear off his bed and into the thankfully thickly-carpeted floor.

THUD!

"Hyatt!" Vita was instantly awake and on her feet. She brandished a pillow menacingly as if it were Graf Eisen with a Cartridge in its chamber. "Who did this to you? I'll turn them into light!"

"Hyatt!" The rest of the Wolkenritter, who were armed to the teeth (and in Zafira's case, armed with teeth,) barged through the bedroom door. "Are you all right?"

"Talk about getting off the wrong side of the bed," Hyatt moaned from where he lay sprawled on the floor.

.

_"Demon Cannon Girl-"_

_*static*_

_"-Magical Girl Lyrical Mami ~Aces of A's~ continues..."_

.

**The Many Lives of Mami Tomoe**

_Story Tenth_

Demon Cannon Girl

.

**Disclaimer**

"Those chosen by Heaven, I am the Angel of Light, Nanael. I am a messenger from Heaven who came to bring true order to the world. I shall give you all a mission that will bring true order and found a kingdom that will last forever."

The cosplay for this disclaimer was the Archangel of Light Nanael from Queen's Blade. Haruhi definitely looked the part of descending divinity, having dyed her hair a Sayaka Miki shade of teal blue and donned an extremely brief chemise, matching gloves, and armor-plated boots of silvery steel. Asymmetrical prop wings sprouted from her back, a bottle of Holy Milk (trademark by St. Brigid, patron of dairy workers) hung from the thin belt around her waist, and her right hand brandished the broad-bladed Celestial Saber at an impressed Mami.

"Come with me to the SOS Brigade clubroom and serve me." And Haruhi said this in a seductive tone while beckoning suggestively.

Yuuno and Fate Flash Moved to either side of the surprised Mami, latched themselves onto the arms of their love interest, and hurriedly hauled her away while glaring thrown manhole covers and Photon Lancers at the smirking Haruhi.

"Please don't corrupt Tomoe-sama," chided Airi.

But Haruhi was feeling full of herself. "Are you stupid? There's no way a ghost girl like you can beat an elite angel like me!" And she flourished the Celestial Saber at Airi.

"I was holding back against the real Nanael," the piqued Airi stated while materializing her scythe and assuming a hostile stance. "I will not hold back against you, Suzumiya-san."

[Who will emerge victorious?] Raging Heart announced from off-screen. [They won't know that unless they fight!]

"Please don't forget about the disclaimer," Mami called out.

"Sheo Darren doesn't own Madoka, Nanoha, Haruhi, Queen's Blade, and whatnot!" With that said, Haruhi leapt at Airi, the milk in her small jug sloshing.

…Hmm, that came out wrong.

.

**chapter the next**

_sixty-third rule_

.

After reassuring his overprotective adopted family that yes, he was all right and no one was attacking him, the bleary Hyatt took a bath to freshen up. Or rather, he attempted to take one by himself.

"Really, Signum," he weakly insisted to the woman kneeling behind him. "I'm paraplegic, not quadriplegic. I can take a bath by myself."

"We have discussed this many times before, Hyatt." Wrapped in a fluffy towel the color of her untied hair, Signum scrupulously scrubbed every inch of her Meister's back. "My answer remains the same. We do not know when and where the enemy may attack, so one of us must stay with you at all times."

"Even while I'm bathing?"

"Especially when you are bathing. Many attacks have taken place when a complacent victim lowered his guard while bathing."

Hyatt thought that any kind of attack that took place in the bathroom would be, well, kind of like the steamy scenes in his anime and manga. "I know that," he conceded. "But, Signum, don't you feel embarrassed by this?"

"I am your sword, Hyatt, a weapon first and foremost, before I am a woman."

The young German dared to peer over his shoulder, all the while making sure to keep his gaze off places it shouldn't linger upon. Like Signum's firm thighs. Or the mysterious valley nestled between her lovely mountains.

In response, Signum bowed her head, the long bangs of her unrestrained strawberry-blonde hair falling across her face to avert her gaze out of respect for her young master.

(Yes, she definitely did not look away because she needed to hide a fiery blush on her cheeks. It was impossible for a veteran warrior and hard light program like herself to react like a hormonal human schoolgirl when the cute boy who was her Master innocently ogled her barely-clad, feminine body.)

"Are you channeling Saber?" Hyatt asked seriously.

"Sa-who?"

.

Thirty minutes later, a blushing Meister and his definitely-not-blushing Servant -err, I mean, Knight- emerged from their respective quarters dry and dressed. They found the rest of their family goofing off in the living room. Vita was raptly watching Aoi Ichikawa, tsundere protagonist of Nijiyome Academy Z-Cune Aoi_,_ unload the abnormal ordnance of her Megaman-style arm cannon into the mugs of her faceless mook opponents. Zafira was in his wolf form and lounging across the sofa. And-

"Where's Shamal?" Hyatt asked as he cast his gaze across the room in search of the golden-haired Knight of the Lake.

Vita's eyes never left the TV screen while answering, "She said she was going to train by herself."

"That is good," Signum thought. "We all need training to stay in shape. But what is she training herself at?"

Zafira took a sniff of the air. He instantly went stiff. "There's a repulsive smell coming from the kitchen," he growled. "Like someone combined squid and beer..."

Everyone traded looks of absolute horror. There was only one person in the Aegami domain who would consider 'ika de biru' to be a good idea.

"Red alert!" Hyatt commanded as he and his stalwart companions hastily armed themselves with whatever was at hand. "DefCon 2!"

A minute later, he drove his Mercedes Benz motorized wheelchair over a writhing mass of white tentacles. "Shamal!" he yelled while swinging a frying pan at all comers. "Where are you?"

"Hyatt!" His wayward Knight of the Lake was caught within the slimy clutches of the eldritch abomination summoned by her attempt to cook calamari soaked in beer. "Please save me!"

**[Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!]**

Graf Eisen pulped the sinuous lengths clambering up the wheels of Hyatt's wheelchair. "It's hammer time!" Vita bellowed from her place at her Meister's right flank.

"A perfectly good can of Heineken gone to waste," Signum chided while elegantly converting sickly white tentacles into calamari rings using Laevatein.

"Needs more salt," Zafira grunted through gritted fangs. A prodigious leap had allowed him to clamp his jaws and claws upon the slippery mantle of the monstrous mollusk. But now he was forced to hang onto his wildly bucking opponent for dear life.

Shamal's eyes went wide and her fair face turned red as a violent shudder shot through her petite body. "Waaahhh! Don't touch me there!" the squirming blonde begged. "I'm saving myself for Hyatt!"

Hyatt was normally a cheerful boy whose empathy knew no bounds. But now he flipped the frak out. How dare a tentacle monster molest his Knight!

"Wolkenritter!" He thrust his ichor-soaked frying pan towards the ceiling. "Prepare for glory!"

"Harooh!" Vita agreed before leading the charge, her Meister and fellow Knights hot on her heels.

Ika Devil was taken down before it ruined Shamal for marriage. It also dropped 100,000 experience points, 10,000 zeny, and a Fire Ring +2. However, in a despicable parting shot, the dying tokusatsu monster sprayed the victorious Aegami party with ink, prompting another trip to the bathroom, where an even fiercer battle would unfold.

.

"That's unfair, Signum!" The whining Vita was acting like her apparent age. "You already washed Hyatt's back earlier! Why do you get to do it again?"

Signum turned a cool gaze upon her protesting teammate. "Are you challenging my decision as leader of the Wolkenritter, Vita?" she sternly warned.

"Now you're just pulling rank!"

"Vita, Signum, please don't fight." Sighing deeply, Hayate quickly shut his eyes when a teary-eyed Shamal knelt in front of him. The girls were clad in fluffy modesty towels, but the thought counted. "What is it, Shamal?"

"I'm sorry, Hyatt. I caused you a lot of trouble again. I thought I could finally prepare a good breakfast for you, but I ended up ruining the kitchen and wasted your bath..."

"I'm not angry, Shamal," he reassured her. "You meant well. You just need more practice, that's all. Next time, let me help you cook food."

"You're too kind, Hyatt." Shamal took her Meister's hands in hers and squeezed them gently. "I'll make it up to you by scrubbing your front!"

"Sureeehhh?" Hyatt sputtered.

Vita and Signum instantly turned on their sister Knight, their argument forgotten in the light of a common foe that had just ambushed them.

"Shamal!" the redhead hammer loli accused. "You're even more unfair than Signum!"

"Cunningly striking at Hyatt while I was preoccupied with Vita," growled the pink-haired swordswoman. "I underestimated you, Shamal."

The blonde healer refused to give way to her sisters-in-arms. "I won't lose to either of you or that girl with the big breasts!"

"That girl is my rival!" Vita shot back. "You get your own rival! Like that annoying guy who likes to throw manhole covers! You support characters are made for each other!"

"What are you three arguing about?" the bewildered Hyatt squeaked. He sat frozen between the squabbling female Knights, not daring open his eyes lest they visually confirm that, yes, the soft things grazing and bumping his face were the girls' fabric-covered fronts.

Nearby, Zafira had just finished his own bath. Per his habit, the Guardian Beast bathed in his wolf form. (The one time he assumed his human form and went for a dip with Hyatt in the hot tub, the other Knights sent very disturbing looks their way. Zafira was not sure if they were angry with him for infringing upon their sacred bathing time with their Meister or... happy. The latter possibility unnerved him more than the former.) He proceeded to shake the water out of his cobalt blue fur.

"Kyaaahhh!"

Vita, Signum, and Shamal all yelped when cold water splattered their half-bare bodies. The startled girls reflexively clung onto the similarly alarmed Hyatt, who was unable to support their weight (paraplegic, remember?) and quickly collapsed.

"Zaffy!" Hyatt screamed like a girl. Given his age, appearance, soft-spoken voice, and how he wrote his first name in hiragana, people had understandably mistaken him as a girl in the past. "Help!"

"Sorry, Hyatt," Zafira unrepentantly replied. He made no move to spoil his Meister's fun. All wolves knew that alpha males didn't share their females.

_Signum was right,_ Hyatt despaired from where he lay trapped beneath hills and mountains and a deliciously flat plain full of potential. _A lot of attacks did take place in bathrooms..._

.

Today Zafira would accompany Hyatt to school. Vita went back to watching Z-Cune Aoi while the penitent Shamal cleaned and repaired the kitchen –by hand, no magic allowed- under Signum's stern supervision.

"Zafira, let's drop by the convenience store for a quick bite."

"That sounds like a good idea, Hyatt."

As they approached the 7-11, the sliding doors parted to reveal a girl. Around Hyatt's age, she wore a sure little smile and the black habit of a nun.

"Good morning, Sister." Hyatt had been baptized and raised as a Protestant. But his late parents had also taught him to be polite to people of the cloth, especially if they were female.

"God bless you." The nun's lively red-brown eyes twinkled mischievously. "You look like you're hungry."

Hyatt blushed. He couldn't help his stomach grumbling at the mouth-watering sight of the paper bag full of shiny red apples that rested within the cradle of the nun's interlocked arms. "I didn't get to eat breakfast today, Sister," he admitted.

She laughed. "Rejoice, young man," the nun told him. Man does not live on bread alone, but neither does he live on the words of God alone." She plucked an apple from her bag. "And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food," she pronounced, the smile on her face growing huge and brilliant, "and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat."

The solemn Biblical quotes drew a chuckle out of Hyatt. "Didn't Eve then give the apple to her husband Adam?" he asked while giving in to temptation and accepting the offered fruit.

"The shortest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Here you go, big guy." The amused nun tossed an apple to Zafira as well.

Juicy and sweet, the apple was just the kind of invigoration that Hyatt needed this morning. "Thank you very much, Sister," he told the nun.

"You're welcome. Eat it all up," she reminded them. "Don't waste manna from Heaven. If you waste food, I'll punish you."

"I won't. Thanks again for the meal, Sister."

"The grace and speed of God go with you two."

Hyatt and Zafira watched the nun walk off. Their reasons for doing so were vastly different.

_That girl is the same age as me,_ the boy thought, _and yet she's already a nun. She must be very capable. She's also quite cute. I wonder what she looks like under the hood of her habit…_

_That girl isn't normal,_ the Guardian Beast thought. _She was giving off the slightest hint of magic. And she smells like... like the well-oiled steel of a keen-edged weapon. She's a warrior, and yet she doesn't smell like blood, so she hasn't killed anyone yet. But she was checking us out…_

Zafira carefully suppressed the overwhelming urge to defensively bristle. He and his fellow Knights had been surprised at how easily their Meister could sense their moods. Hyatt could even pick up on Zafira's mood, and the wolf's control of his emotions exceeded that of the imperturbable Signum.

Like now, the concerned Hyatt was looking up at his taller companion. "Is there something wrong, Zafira?"

"It's nothing, Hyatt."

Fortunately for the wolf, Hyatt misunderstood the source of his malaise. "Don't worry about Saotome-sensei," assured the boy. "She doesn't bite, and Nakazawa says her fried eggs are delicious."

"I don't like eggs," Zafira responded, glad for the chance to misdirect his Master's concern.

"That's too bad. She really likes you, so she's bound to offer you her home cooking sooner or later."

"I think I can survive that. Her cooking can't be worse than Shamal's."

They shuddered. The things they did for family… and speaking of family, Zafira handed his apple to Hyatt.

"Huh? Aren't you hungry, Zafira?"

"I can get some food for myself later. But you're a growing boy, Hyatt. You need the nutrients. So eat up."

"Thanks, big brother."

.

**Wolkenritter Chat**

**Version: 5.1**

**Powered by:** Book of Darkness

**Users Logged In: **damagetwig; ironcount; lonewolf; clearwind

**lonewolf:** Everyone, a potentially critical situation has just taken place.

**damagetwig:** What is it, Zafira?

**lonewolf:** Hyatt and I encountered a suspicious girl on our way to school. She is around the same age as our Meister and wears the clothes of a nun. I have reason to believe she was investigating us.

**ironcount:** What! Is Hyatt all right?

**lonewolf:** Hyatt remains safe with me, Vita.

**damagetwig:** Is she a DAB operative?

**clearwind:** Have we been discovered?

**lonewolf:** I reckon we remain hidden from the Bureau, Signum, Shamal. That nun isn't one of their operatives.

**ironcount:** How do you know that? You said she was suspicious!

**lonewolf: **She attracted my attention because she gave off magical energy. She also had the scent of a warrior. But she did not have a Device on her person.

**clearwind:** She could be a DAB agent who doesn't use a Device. We wouldn't immediately suspect those.

**lonewolf: **But no Bureau agent would risk directly encountering us face to face, the way she did, unless she had backup. And I did not detect anyone else in the vicinity.

**ironcount:** Then she's a loon to do so on her own.

**damagetwig:** Or very confident in herself. She could be a mage…

**clearwind:** But that's impossible. This is an Unregistered World. There shouldn't be any mages here…

**ironcount: **Tell that to that girl whose ribs I cracked a couple of nights ago! If she wasn't such a bleeding heart and had her oversized phaser set to kill instead of stun, she could have blown my head clear off!

**lonewolf:** We went through this before, Vita. That girl claimed to be a deputy of the DAB. The Bureau probably found her, trained and equipped her, and set her up to serve as this planet's garrison.

**damagetwig: **Or a liaison.

**ironcount:** A what?

**damagetwig:** The nun is familiar with magic. But she doesn't appear to be a DAB operative. So that makes her a local mage who uses a homegrown style of magic not recognized by the DAB.

**lonewolf:** An interesting possibility… but what about that DAB deputy girl we fought and drained?

**damagetwig: **She might be the DAB liaison with the local mages. It's obvious that she is a native of this world. The Bureau trained and equipped her to act as their representative.

**clearwind:** Then why would the DAB classify this planet as Unregistered?

**lonewolf:** The Bureau may be hiding something on this planet. Organizations like that always have skeletons in their closets.

**damagetwig: **Or the local mages wish to keep their existence a secret. That can work in our favor. If they are secretive and suspicious, they would take their time investigating us instead of contacting the DAB for answers. That would explain the nun approaching you and Hyatt.

**ironcount:** Feh! It doesn't matter who that nun works for or what kind of magic she uses! We just need take her out as soon as possible!

**lonewolf:** I agree with you, Vita. But rushing in with a head full of steam would be foolhardy. The nun now knows Hyatt and me by face.

**clearwind: **We don't have any memory altering spells and we all swore to stop killing for Hyatt's sake.

**ironcount:** Then I'll just hit her on the head with Graf Eisen! Wham! Instant amnesia!

**clearwind:** Amnesia doesn't work that way!

**ironcount:** Then use the Book! It's supposed to be the ultimate repository of spells, right? I'm sure the darned thing has the right spell for the job!

**clearwind:** That's actually a good idea. I'll check it right now.

**ironcount:** Well? Have you found one?

**clearwind:** The Book does have a memory alteration spell. But it will use up a good number of pages.

**ironcount:** Fine, so we go out again, find more idiots like that DAB deputy from last night, hit them on the head, harvest their Linker Cores, and feed the Book so that we can cast the memory-erasing spell on that nun!

**damagetwig:** Vita summed it up perfectly.

**lonewolf:** But where will we get the extra pages we need for the spell?

**clearwind:** If that nun was really a local mage, then she cannot be the only one. Someone would have taught her. And there would be other students.

**damagetwig:** Danger and opportunity often come hand-in-hand. Local mages may be a threat to us, but they can also supply us with Linker Cores to drain for pages.

**ironcount:** Then what are we waiting for? Let's get to cracking skulls!

**clearwind:** We have to find them first, Vita.

**damagetwig:** Zafira, can you track that nun? We can probably obtain the location of her fellow mages from her.

**lonewolf:** I'll start searching for her tonight, while Hyatt is asleep.

**damagetwig:** Take Shamal with you. Between your tracking skills and her area search spells, you two should be able to locate this nun quickly. But above all else, be careful. Avoid any act that will alarm our target or attract the attention of the DAB. Discretion is the better part of valor. Do not hesitate to withdraw if the situation becomes untenable. Is everything clear?

**clearwind:** Yes.

**lonewolf: **Same here.

**damagetwig:** Vita and I will remain here to guard Hyatt. One of us can reinforce you if you run into any troubles-

.

"Zafira? You seem deep in thought."

"I was just checking up on the girls, Hyatt."

"Oh, I see. Has Shamal finished repairing the kitchen?"

"Not yet. Signum is determined to have her work off her mistake, so Shamal isn't allowed to use her magic."

"That's going to be rough on Shamal. Still, I can see Signum's point. Magic shouldn't be the solution to everything."

_If only you knew, Hyatt,_ Zafira thought while gazing sadly at the wheelchair that bore his crippled yet cheery Meister.

.

They made it to Mitakihara Middle School with a few minutes to spare. Hyatt was immediately surrounded by his friends the moment he drove into the classroom.

"Good morning, Hyatt-kun," welcomed a roseate-eyed girl who tied her strawberry blond hair into twin ponytails.

"G-g-good morning, Aegami-san," mumbled a glasses-waif with pupils of delicate purple and a pair of thick, waist-length braids the color of midnight shorn of moon and stars.

"Morning, Professor X," chuckled a mischievous-looking lass possessing teal hair of a boyishly short cut and pupils that matched their curtains.

"Good morning, Hyatt-san," was the refined greeting of a maiden of malachite locks and similarly-colored eyes, the Platonic ideal of the perfect Japanese lady.

"M-m-morning, Aegami-kun," shyly stuttered another bespectacled girl, this one doe-eyed and brown-haired. She clutched her old-fashioned paper notebook to her humble chest as if it were her only worldly possession.

"Good morning, Kaname-chan, Akemi-chan, Miki, Shizuki-san, Binbou-san," Hyatt greeted his classmates. He let himself get caught up in the ensuing, never-ending girls' talk, finding the chatter similar to the happy babble of his Knights back at home.

Of course, not everything the girls discussed was of good cheer. "Kamijou's in the hospital again," Sayaka glumly revealed.

"Again?" Hyatt frequently went to the hospital for his check-ups, so he could commiserate with his classmate's unfortunate childhood friend. "What did he do now?"

"Kamijou-kun made the acquaintance of a nun who was in trouble." Hitomi looked displeased. "He then proceeded to get himself into an improbable and unfortunate series of events," the green-haired girl continued, "Which involved, among other things, a bag of apples, a rosary, Bible pages, various sharp implements, and a stripper."

_A nun?_ Hyatt suddenly remembered the nun he'd met at the convenience store. _I wonder if she's the same nun..._

He was about to bring up that occurrence, then thought better about it and kept mum. _I don't want Shizuki-san and Miki to go all Sekai and Kotonoha on Sister-san. That is not the kind of school day I want…_

"Kamijou-san is such a nice boy," Madoka admired. "He would help a complete stranger without a second thought. He really is a hero of justice."

"He sure is," Marisa softly agreed while thinking, _Tomoe-senpai of the After-School Tea Time Club is still better, of course._

_Madoka superior,_ Homura didn't have the courage to say aloud, _Kamijou-san inferior._

"I'll pay him a visit during my next check-up," Hyatt offered. Guys needed to stick together, and Kamijou was his only guy friend.

"Please persuade him to cease these reckless heroics," the worried Hitomi requested Hyatt, knowing her love interest was more amenable to suggestions posed by another boy.

"Or get him to think things through first," Sayaka appended, well-aware that her beloved childhood friend was too much of a white knight laboring under the spell of the Dulcinea effect.

"I'll do just that, Shizuki-san, Miki," he promised before glancing out the glass wall of their classroom. "Ah, it looks like Saotome-sensei caught Zaffy-kun again."

Madoka giggled. "Mom thinks they should date. What do you think, Hyatt-kun?"

"I'd be happy to give away the groom," Hyatt chuckled.

.

Kazuko Saotome was ready to swoon from delight over Mister Tall, Dark, & Handsome, whom she'd corralled against the wall without paying any attention to the students gawking at her uncharacteristic aggressiveness.

_I keep on forgetting to ask Aegami-kun to give me Zafira-kun's cell phone number,_ she reminded herself. _But I'll get it this time! It's purely for teacher purposes, of course. I need to maintain good relations with potential in-laws, after all. Oh, I wonder how Zafira-kun likes his fried eggs…_

For his part, Zafira suppressed a sigh. He was a wolf, a Guardian Beast, and a virtual program to boot. Human women were simply not his type.

_Why did the only female who's attractive and biologically compatible have to be my sworn enemy?_

.

**DAB cruiser **_**Asura**_

**Lagrange Point One**

"Bless you, Arf," Fate told her sneezing Familiar.

"Someone must be talking about you," Yuuno suggested.

Arf rubbed her nose and asked, "Whoever came up with that silly idea?"

"It's a Japanese thing. Mami told me about it…"

Yuuno's explanation abruptly tapered off. His gaze settled to the unmoving occupant of the bed, over whom they had been standing watch during the past day.

"She'll be all right, Yuuno," Fate consoled him.

"Yes. It's Mami, after all," he said to himself as much as he did to the others. "She's strong. She'll definitely make it."

.

Zafira stiffened. He could feel daggers of intensely ill intent directed at a spot between his shoulder blades.

_Did the DAB find us? Or is it the nun?_

Instead of the wolf-girl of his dreams, a blonde boy who deployed unbreakable shields and a nasty manhole cover, a lightning-slinging scythe-wielding blonde decked out in a bondage swimsuit and cape, the nun, or any combination of the above, his irate observer proved to be an anguished brunette boy who was grinding his brow into the doorframe of the classroom.

_Oh._ Zafira relaxed. He recognized the boy as one of his Meister's classmates. _Nakazao? No, Nakazawa,_ he recalled. According to Hyatt, the boy always ended up fielding Saotome-sensei's questions regarding her cooking. _But why is he angry at me?_

_Why, Saotome-sensei?_ Nakazawa silently seethed._ Why are you fawning over that tall, dark, and handsome guy? Ever since he appeared, you stopped asking me your harsh questions about your fried eggs! What happened to the passionate love of our forbidden teacher-student romance? Are my shotacon bait good looks, shiny forehead, and doormat personality not good enough for you?_

Trapped between a veritable miasma of love pheromones and tidal waves of boiling jealousy, Zafira finally let himself sigh. _This is what I get for shipping Hyatt with the girls…_

.

_This is the life,_ Hyatt thought as the starry-eyed Saotome-sensei giggled like a love-struck schoolgirl all throughout homeroom period. _Surrounded by a warm family and good friends... I hope this never changes or ends..._

.

Somewhere out of this world yet right next to Hyatt's heart:

"I'm sorry, my Knights. I'm so sorry, my Meister, my Hyatt. I'm so sorry."

And the Book of Darkness wept silently as she continued to condone the slow death of her beloved master.

.

**To Be Continued**

.

**Original Character Notes:**

"Hi there, reader! I'm Hyatt Aegami, this fan fic's version of Hayate Yagami from Nanoha canon. I will be handling the notes section since Haruhi-san and Airi-san are busy."

Hyatt glanced at the aforementioned Author Apparent cosplaying the Archangel of Light and her opponent the Infernal Temptress, whose attires had gone through the shredder that was a typical Queen's Blade match.

"I got you on the ropes now, meido," Haruhi panted while using her sword as a makeshift crutch. The milk bottle hanging at her hip was not only empty but broken, its white contents dripping from her tattered clothes and bared skin.

"Darren-sama enjoyed drinking milk after describing Suzumiya-sama's current appearance," a similarly tired and mostly-naked Airi huffed as she likewise leaned upon the upright haft of her scythe, dripping sweat from her brow.

The blushing Hyatt tore his gaze from the visually appealing scene. "I'm fifteen years old and half-German, half-Japanese," he continued. "I was born in Osaka, Japan, but my family moved to Mitakihara City when I was young.

"My parents died in an automobile accident when I was ten. A family friend, Uncle Gil, rescued me and supported me financially. But he could not adopt me, so I was forced to live by myself for three years. Then, a year ago, I gained a new family, the Wolkenritter, my beloved Knights of the Cloud.

"I like the Book of Darkness, my Knights, my classmates, and anime and cosplay. My weaknesses are stairs and amorous girls. And as you can plainly see, my genes have a Y-chromosome.

"Sheo wanted to try something new for this story. As far as he knew, no one had written a reverse gender version of any major –that is, female- Nanoha character. He decided to try his hand at it, and selected Hayate, whom he liked a lot.

"So far, I've been written as a typical harem anime protagonist. But I hope to develop as a unique character in my own right." Hyatt bowed. "I look forward to your continued support."

Behind him, Airi and Haruhi had ended up wrestling all over the ground, their weapons and what remained of their clothes discarded in the heat of battle.

"Hey! What the heck do you think are you doing?"

"I'm just trying to drain your life force, Suzumiya-san…"

"Oh, is that what they call kissing back in Queen's Blade? Rejected!"

Mightily striving to ignore them by invoking the mental image of the Book of Darkness, Hyatt added, "And now, the Omake!"

.

**Omake!**

Names To Run Away From Really Fast

_If you say so, Book… Oh! I know! I'll give you a nicer name, one that suits you._

_"You will?"_

_Just leave it to me. Hmm, let's see. How about we call you… Claire?_

_"I'm not a bible, my Meister, though I do have something similar to the Ragna Blade spell."_

_That must be a really powerful spell to merit a comparison. But I'll pass. With great power comes great responsibility. Right, then, how about Octavia?_

_"I dislike it. That's the name of a Witch."_

_Really? I just looked for the feminine equivalent of the Octavo, the book that holds the eight most powerful spells in the __Discworld__._

_"I see. It makes sense to rename me after another tome. But I still don't like it."_

_Why? Is it because it was originally a male name?_

_"No. But Octavia makes me worry about your classmate Sayaka Miki."_

_Miki, huh? It's a bust, then._

_"Yes. Her back is her charm point, after all."_

_Yeah, that girl's got back, all right. Yours is still the best I've seen, though._

_Ahaha, Book is so cute when she blushes... How about Al Azif?_

_"That's the name of one of my childhood friends."_

_Huh. That's surprising. So even a magical tome goes through a childhood…_

_Wait a minute. The Necronomicon is real? And you're friends with it?_

_"Yes. Al and I used to share the same shelf in L-space."_

_Al? Does her human form look like a lavenderette loli who wears frilly white clothes and red ribbons galore while acting all tsundere?_

_"Your description of her is perfect, Meister."_

_My God. Lovecraft and Gen Urobuchi were right._

_"Of course they are. Sir Lovecraft is a legendary sorcerer of great power while Gen Urobuchi is the common name of Urobutcher the Troll, one of the countless avatars of Nyarlathothep, who also takes the form of a genki motor-mouth loveable sex maniac of a manic pixie dream girl with expressive gray idiot hair."_

…_That's a bit too much information there, Book…_

_"I'm sorry for costing you SAN points, Hyatt."_

_It's all right. Strength and Dexterity were my dump stats, so I made my Will save. There's no helping it, I guess. I'll just have to keep calling you by your old name._

_"It is a shame. I would have liked to have a new name."_

_Me, too, but there's nothing that says I can't give you a nickname in the meantime, Hon._

_Hehe, I just knew that pun with the Japanese word for 'book' and the shorthand for 'Honey' would do the trick…_

.

**Omake!**

_While Hyatt Was Reading His Book (And Yes, That Sounded Dirty For People Like Nodoka, Yue, and Yomiko)_

"Hot!"

"Why, thank you, Shamal. I think you are hot, too."

"Eh? Ah, no, Signum, what I meant was that the Book of Darkness was hot."

"…I see. I respect and fully support your life choice, Shamal. Rest assured that you will always be my sister-in-arms."

"Huh? What do you mean by that?"

"Shamal, Signum thinks you're a bibliophile."

"Eh? Eeehhh! Signum, you got it wrong! I got burned by the Book of Darkness!"

"…I see…"

"Uh, Signum? Why do you have the same facial expression as the eponymous hero of the Bollywood movie Singham?"

ROAR!

"Eeep… You even have the MGM lion roaring in the background…"

"Worry not, Shamal. I will set things right. I will make the Book pay for toying with the emotions of a fair maiden like you. Laevatein?"

[Jawohl! Ladepatrone!]

"Nooo! Signum, you still got it wrong!"

"Signum, Shamal is trying to tell you that the covers of the Book got hot again and burned her fingertips."

"…I see. Thank you, Zafira. Shamal, please be more forthright the next time when explaining yourself."

"Yes, Signum…"

"That's been happening a lot lately, hasn't it?"

"Maybe we should speed up our efforts to increase its page count…"

And that was when Hyatt woke up and found Vita in his arms.

"AAAHHH! VITA! YOUR FACE! IT'S TOO CLOSE TO MINE!"

THUD!

"Meister Hyatt!"

Just another morning for the Aegami household…

.

**up next!**

_chapter v3_

"Joudan mitai na mainichi… mitai, mitai, mirai…"

_A jestful everyday life… I want to see it. I want to see it, that future…_


	12. Aces of A's 03 - A Certain Anglican Nun

**"Sabitsuita kokoro, otomonai sekai, nani o miteruno?"**

_With two hearts rusting together, in a world without sound; what do you see?_

The happily-singing Sister was a real nun belonging to the Church of England. Her family was renowned throughout the Anglican Community for its devotion to God. Her father and grandfather were priests. Her elder stepsister was also a nun. Their youngest sister was training to be a nun. And her mother qualified as a saint for successfully managing her husband's proclivities during the fifteen years of their marriage instead of committing suicide as a desperate way to get the last word in an argument.

"**Matane o ieru kao o sagasuyo sore o kurikaesu dake…"**

_I'm searching for the face who will say "see you again," I'll just be doing it over and over again._

If one ever thought to ask her what particular religious order she belonged to, the Sister would reply: "I'm with The Worker Sisters And Brothers of the Holy Spirit." And her name and image could be found on the publicly-accessible roster of the far-flung order, whose members were scattered throughout Australia, Canada, Haiti, and the United States.

**"Nandome no kimochi darou, koko ni aru nukumori wa. Machigai demo kamawanai, soba ni iru koto."**

_No matter how many times you feel that way- there will always be warmth here. Even if it was a mistake, I don't care; I'll always be by your side._

Her true affiliation was a parish unlisted in any public records. And while she was personally pious, her order did not require its members to be religious -or even Anglican- to begin with.

In fact, the Sister could count on both hands the number of actual Anglicans in her order. Her entire clan counted.

The Archbishop was another. You didn't become the leader of one of the foremost Christian communities in the world if you didn't truly believe in what you preached. (Practicing what one preached, however, was another thing entirely.)

Likewise Maria Takayama, her classmate from Saint Chronica Convent, was a proper nun. And Stiyl was an ordained priest despite his age and bar-code tattoo and bling and totally obvious crush on the totally oblivious Maria (but that was okay since junior Anglican priests were allowed to marry.)

**"Namida no oto, tameiki no iro ima, tashikameru genzaichi."**

_With the sound of tears and the looks of a sigh, I'm sure this is where we are now._

But the non-Anglicans outnumbered the true faithful by a massive margin. The Sister worked alongside the runaway 'pope' of a Japanese Kirishitan sect that had fused together Buddhist, Catholic, and Shinto tenets to create its unique –and heretical– take on Christianity, an exotic-looking Puritan sculptor who used Jewish golems in battle, a backstabbing Japanese diviner with a sister complex, and a princess-haired Shinto shrine maiden whose blood supposedly possessed the power to attract and kill otherwise invincible vampires… because she was technically a vampire herself, the last vampire, the princess who had exterminated her own kind, Shrovetide the Last Dark, the _miko_ of the Compact of Blood.

**"Joudan mitai na mainichi mitai, mitai, mirai…"**

_A jestful everyday life; I want to see it. I want to see it, that future._

And all was right in the world. For the mission of Necessarius, the Church of Necessary Evil, the 0th Parish of the Anglican Church, was the neutralization and destruction of magic in England by investigating, arresting, and punishing magicians. And it accomplished its mission by sending forth sanctioned magicians of its own to level the battlefield against the heretics.

Fight fire with fire, magic with magic. To defeat the Devil, the faithful needed to channel Sin itself.

So while the Sister could perform all the duties expected of a nun, she was also doctrinally and spiritually cleared for acts that no run-of-the-mill clergy would ever condone, acts like lying, thaumaturgy, torture, and murder.

Nothing less could be expected out of a girl who underwent brutal training to become an Executor, a first-rate killer, a weapon forged to defend mankind from the dark arts. And far heavier was the burden on her pretty shoulders because of her blood-soaked bloodline.

Her father was an active Executor and a living legend. Accorded the honor of serving as an official trainee at the age of ten, he had been training even before then. He entered the fullness of his rank during his twenty-second year. At the same time he entered the seminary, cementing his dedication to the Church. The demons he had destroyed were legion. So were the heretics and the magicians who had died by his hands and upon his blades.

The Sister would never exceed his gory record. She did not wish to. Sickened by all he had done _In Nomine Dei_, "in the name of God," she utterly rejected his path of darkness. For her father was evil incarnate, who could only achieve lasting happiness through inflicting misery and death upon his fellow man.

Yet she loved him despite his faults. She could always convert into a new faith, move far away, and even make friends. But she only had one father. And while he was evil, he was not a villain. He was a deviant, yes, but he wasn't inhuman. Neither sane nor insane, he was simply unable to help what he was. And she would gladly give up her life for him even though he would hold her in contempt for her selfless sacrifice.

So the Sister had subtly held back during her training to indefinitely delay her elevation to full Executor. And she intended to firmly decline the promotion if ever her superiors cut to the chase and directly offered to promote her.

Her unwanted destiny remained a distant disquiet for now. She currently concerned herself with the wheelchair-ridden boy she'd crossed paths with earlier, a secondary target who was quickly exceeding her initial threat estimate.

_Who are you?_

.

_"Demon Cannon Girl-"_

_*static*_

_"-Magical Girl Lyrical Mami ~Aces of A's~ goes on..."_

_._

**The Many Lives of Mami Tomoe**

_Story Tenth_

Demon Cannon Girl

_._

**Disclaimer**

"Not three guest appearances in this fan fic," muttered the disgruntled Haruhi as the disclaimer section finally arrived, "And I'm already wondering why I even bother to dress up."

She was complaining about her newest cosplay, the cool and collected Lumiere of Kiddy Grade, who was pretty much Haruhi's antithesis in terms of personality and a reminder that Aya Hirano was quite impressive during her early years as a seiyuu.

"For the art?" Airi suggested.

"There is that, I guess," Haruhi allowed. "Where is Sheo?"

"Darren-sama got distracted by his Muv-Luv fan fiction."

"He really should control his Attention Deficit Creator Disorder…"

"I agree. The disclaimer for this chapter will be handled by a special guest," Airi explained.

The unnamed Sister from the previous chapter smiled at the readers. "God bless you," she hailed while eyeing Haruhi out of the corner of her eye.

"What are you looking at?" grumbled the Author Apparent, who was not as oblivious as some might think.

"You changed your clothes?" the nun observed.

"It's fan service," Haruhi replied.

"That's a shame." The Sister flashed a fetching smile. "You were looking very Sayaka during the last chapter."

Her expectant tone made Haruhi shiver. "Just get on with the disclaimer already!" she scowled.

"Very well." The nun winked. "Rejoice, readers. Sheo Darren does not own Madoka, Nanoha, Haruhi, Queen's Blade, and the like. Read and review."

.

**chapter V3**

_a certain anglican nun_

.

**One Year Ago:**

_The cathedral stood out against the modern skyline of the bustling city. Built during the frenzied Fifties to serve as a central base of operations from which the Anglican faith could spread across post-occupation Japan, _it took inspiration from the Gothic and Perpendicular lines of the ancient Canterbury Cathedral in England.__

_Such a magnificent edifice required significant physical upkeep. Its caretakers did everything humanly possible –and some things patently impossible- to maintain the stately building. But only so much could be done with diminishing donations, a permanent staff of half a dozen persons, and a handful of volunteers. Each passing year saw more and more empty pews, the once-faithful departing for greener spiritual pastures._

_Still, a positive atmosphere pervaded the church. Its caretakers were devout, true believers. They were also practical people who heeded not the slow deterioration of the outer façade so long as the foundation and supports remained intact and rock solid._

_Most of all, they were a family. And more often than not, a family that prayed together did stay together._

_This day held great import for the clan. They expected a guest of the highest standing, the most august personage to ever grace their church. So they donned their best clothes and game faces before assembling at the entrance of the main chapel._

_The clan patriarch was a grandfatherly priest, the chief shepherd of the local Anglican flock. His broad stature and cleft chin cut an impressive figure; he gave off the impression of a veteran samurai from the Warring States era, a true soldier of god. He was actually older than he looked, and kept fit through the grace of God coupled with assiduous practice of Chinese martial arts._

_His aide was also his only son, his successor in more ways than one. Tall and solemn, the junior priest had been fortuitously born during a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. He inherited his father's bushy eyebrows and mussed mullet, and was further blessed with a greater-than-average capacity for magic._

_Unlike his father and the rest of his family, he was also evil to the bone. But he kept his urge to kick and shoot shaggy dogs under tight control. Else he would spend the next two weeks banished to the couch and deprived of his favorite mapo tofu._

_His spouse was the second woman he had taken as his wife. One of those ladies who aged gracefully, the graying woman was the glue that held the clan together, the Platonic ideal of the woman behind the great man. She fully supported her father-in-law, managed her husband's darker urges through generous servings of mapo tofu and equally hot sessions in the bedroom, and defied the age-old trope of the wicked stepmother by doting upon her husband's seventeen-year old daughter from his first, tragic marriage just as much as she did with her own two children._

_Her stepdaughter was the mirror image of her late biological mother. Her curly hair and pale skin lacked the least hint of color, and her pupils were an eerie hue of amber. While her personality was more in tune with that of her father, the girl satisfied herself with harmless teasing through psychoanalysis._

_This being a formal occasion, she wore her nun's habit over her usual 'work' clothes. Gauze bandages peeped from within the sleeves of her uniform. The oft-replaced wrappers indicated the blood price she gladly paid to remain this close to her father._

_Her younger stepsisters took after their mother. The elder redhead, age fourteen, was also a nun. Her sister was planning to follow in her steps. Neither girl showed any signs of acting the least bit like their father or stepsister, which relieved their mother (and their stepsister, too, though she would never admit it) to no end._

_"Welcome to our humble home, Archbishop Laura," the head priest spoke on behalf of his assembled family._

_"I am honored to be in your care, Father," replied the gorgeous woman in a white dress. Her blonde hair was so long that it trailed after her feet despite having been bunched up twice. She proffered the simple ring on her right hand, which received respectful kisses from each of the clan members._

_The head priest turned to his guest's escort, a tall and lanky Irish priest who wore an ostentatious panoply of jewelry and a set of facial tattoos akin to a bar code. "Welcome, Brother Magnus," he greeted the bodyguard._

_"Thank you, Father."_

_After the brief exchange of greetings, the head priest led the Archbishop, her escort, and his clan into the cathedral. The head priest and his spiritual liege chitchatted about family matters, the priest's ongoing research into one of the purported Holy Grails, and the Archbishop's extensive collection of bath tubs._

_The younger nun sidled over to the Archbishop's escort. "Hey, Stiyl," she casually prompted._

_"What is it, Ophelia?"_

_"How's Maria?"_

_"Index has not experienced any notable issues during the past month," Stiyl finally responded._

_The girl called 'Ophelia' raised an eyebrow. "What's with the sorcery name basis?" she pressed. "I know we're not close, but you're bosom buds with Maria and Kaori. Did something happen to your merry trio?"_

_"Index, Salvatore, and I have agreed to maintain our relationships on a professional level," Stiyl muttered._

_At this point, Ophelia's stepsister joined in with the armor-piercing observation of "So you proposed to Takayama and she rejected you."_

_Stiyl twitched._

_"Ooohhh," 'Ophelia' snickered. Aware of the element favored by the bodyguard, she punned, "Burned…"_

_Eventually the party settled in the head priest's study. The two nuns and the wife of the junior priests served refreshments while the girl child plopped herself on the lap of her amused grandfather. The old man fondly ruffled her short bob of red hair while talking with his superior._

_"Shall we move on to business?" the Archbishop brought up after perhaps fifteen minutes of breaking the ice over tea and crumpets._

_"Yes, Archbishop. Dearest heart," he requested his daughter-in-law, "Would you excuse us? Momo, can you go with your mother? This will be very boring for you."_

_"Yes, Father."_

_"Okay, Grandpa," chimed his youngest grandchild._

_The albino nun closed the door on the departing 'civilians.' She and her stepsister stood guard at either side of the entryway._

_"This room is secure," the head priest confirmed._

_"Excellent," the Archbishop said. "What do you know about the outsiders?"_

_The head priest drew upon his extensive experience and his ready access to the esoteric records of the Church. "They are humans from far, far away," he answered, "Heathens who worship a historical figure called the Saint King. They practice a different system of thaumaturgy through the aid of powerful artifacts. I hazard that they are the ones that Jesus called 'sheep that are not of this fold' in the Gospel of John."_

_The Archbishop inclined her head. "I have recently learned that a number of their artifacts arrived on our planet," she revealed._

_The head priest sat straighter in his couch. He had spent much of his lifetime seeking out and studying the numerous Holy Grails scattered across the world. Over time his sphere of interest had expanded to include magical artifacts in general. He tried not to sound too acquisitive when asking, "Where did they land?"_

_"All around the world, but a good number ended up in Mitakihara City."_

_"That's right next door! How did I miss them?"_

_"It is not your fault, Father," assured the Archbishop. "The outsiders' sudden incursion caught all of us off guard. They have some sort of area effect spell, perhaps their equivalent of a grand spell, which blocks our scrying spells. And our presence and influence in this country has always been marginal."_

_Indeed the Land of the Rising Sun had never been fertile soil for Christianity. Missionaries often joked that the Japanese and Chinese came from the moon due to how their minds and hearts and souls were often unreceptive to the Word of God. The old priest knew that a good part of his congregation only converted for the weddings, which were cheaper than the Shinto equivalent while looking just as nice._

_"Did we perchance obtain one of those artifacts?" he persisted._

_"Unfortunately," his superior admitted, "By the time we became aware of the opportunity, the outsiders had already resolved the situation."_

_"That is a shame…"_

_"Yes, but it is no great loss to us. We will be able to acquire examples in good time. When we do, you will be one of the first to know and study them."_

_The Archbishop sounded so confident about the matter that the old priest was tempted to inquire as to her methods of acquiring an outsider artifact. "There is more to this, Archbishop?" he limited himself to asking._

_"You are correct, Father. The information I will entrust to you is top secret."_

_"It will not leave this room," he promised._

_The Archbishop paused for dramatic effect. "I attended a secret meeting with Pope Palpatine of the Roman Catholic Church, Patriarch Cyrile Raskova of Constantinople, and President Putina of the Russian Federation," she revealed. "We have agreed to share information about any outsider activity that occurs within our respective territories."_

_The Roman Catholic Church, the Orthodox Catholic Church, and the Anglican Communion were the three biggest Christian denominations in the world. While they all served the same boss, so to speak, they were also political rivals that competed for the hearts and souls of billions. __And the Russian Federation was the only nation in the world that fielded 'unconventional operatives' who could match or even exceed the churches' sanctioned magicians._

_Only a worldwide threat, one on the same level as the extinct Heretic Gods, could force the three contending churches and the paranoid, scientific Russians to share jealously-guarded intelligence._

_"We require more information about the outsiders," the Archbishop continued. "Their local liaison resides in Mitakihara City. But we cannot approach them from a position of ignorance and weakness._

_"You are the closest representative of the Anglican Church," she reminded the old priest. "Your devotion is exemplary and your experience unparalleled. That is why I have chosen to entrust this critical mission to you."_

_"I recommend my second granddaughter," he immediately replied._

_His prompt response piqued the Archbishop's curiosity. "I expected your son," she mused._

_"I would go myself. But a shepherd must first tend to his own flock. And my son-" The old priest glanced fondly at his junior while saying this. "-has been assuming more and more of my duties nowadays. Neither of us can leave the cathedral for extended periods of time. And my eldest granddaughter is not suited for this mission. She is an exorcist, not a combatant."_

_The albino nun acknowledged her grandfather's observation with a faint smile and a nod._

_"My second granddaughter, however, is an Executor in all but name. She has even participated in multiple operations. She is ready," the old priest affirmed._

_"I concur with your analysis," the Archbishop agreed. "We will send her."_

_The head priest beckoned to the younger nun, the one Stiyl called 'Ophelia.' "My dear, come here."_

_"Yes, Grandfather." Once at the side of the old priest, the young nun turned to the Archbishop. "What is my mission, Archbishop Laura?" she asked her liege._

_"Your mission, should you choose to accept it," the Archbishop said, "Is to gather intelligence on the outsiders and their magic, philosophies, and society. If possible, you are also to acquire examples of their artifacts. Above all, you must conceal your presence and the involvement of our Church."_

_"I won't fail you, Archbishop Laura," the nun vowed._

_"Then may the grace of God go with you, Sister."_

.

**The Present Time**

Everything changes. People. Places. Perceptions. War. All are borne away upon the ever-shifting tides of the Sea of Time.

The Sister was not the same brash and cocky nun who arrived in Mitakihara City a year ago. She had witnessed events great and small, met and fought and befriended all sorts of people, and became privy to the greatest secret the world has never known.

By now her main mission was a matter of routine. Wait for the 'Barrier' exclusion spell cast by the outsider magician, Mami Tomoe, and her partner, Yuuno Scrya, before they set out. Recite invisibility chant. Make for the direction of the explosions. Try not to get hit again by a stray long-range Grand Spell.

Magical scrying was out of the question. Tomoe-san's artifact –'Device,' recalled the Sister, was the outsider term- outdid bloodhounds when it came to sniffing out magical emanations.

Instead, the nun took video recordings using a smart phone and e-mailed them to Maria. (Contrary to popular opinion, clergy and magicians were not backwater rubes, merely traditional. The Sister herself was a quick learner when it came to technology, though she did require Kamijou-kun's aid on some of the finer points of smart phones.)

.

_"And that's the latest, Maria," the nun concluded her report over Skype chat. "Anything else you need?"_

_"(Yes. Please call me Index during missions, Ophelia,)" stated her blue-haired coworker._

_"Wow... That's cold. No wonder Stiyl and Kaori are so depressed…"_

_"(Fortis, Salvare and I have agreed that we should maintain a professional relationship,)" droned Index._

_"Funny, that's exactly what Stiyl said." The Sister paused. "I bet you've forgotten my name," she proposed._

_Index seemed to take the slightest of offense at that suggestion. "(That is impossible. I possess a perfect photographic memory,)" she said more coolly than usual. "(I can perfectly recall any and all datum I have previously browsed.)"_

_"Is that so? Then what's my real name? Come on. Say my name," urged the other nun._

_"(Very well, it is-)"_

.

The status quo dramatically shifted a couple of nights ago with the abrupt appearance of new outsiders, magic knights whom the nun unimaginatively christened 'Red,' 'Pink,' 'Blue,' and 'Hand.' They had attacked the unsuspecting Tomoe-san and succeeded in bringing her down.

_Those knights were close-combat types,_ she summarized_. Their Walking Churches resemble the armor of the magic knights of the Holy Orders. They strengthen their existing defenses instead of raising new ones. Their artifacts use a separate power source to greatly enhance damage for a short while. Their range attacks serve to cover their advance as they close in on their foes._

It was all the Sister could do not to join the fray on behalf of Tomoe-san. She had grown fond of the good-natured girl after a year of close observation. But orders were orders.

Her decision to stay clear of the battle proved wise. That could have been her getting her… The nun guessed that the glowing ball of light wrenched out of Tomoe-san's torso was was related to how the outsiders practiced their magic, perhaps their equivalent of a Thaumaturgical Crest.

She did attempt to follow the retreating knights on the roundabout rationalization that they also counted as outsiders to be studied. They managed to give her the slip, though, by the simple expedient of flying faster than her top running/roof-hopping speed.

Imagine the nun's surprise when she practically walked right into Blue at a convenience store just a few minutes ago. Blue was even more surprised, as he was accompanying a wheelchair-ridden boy who could only be his master.

_You truly work in mysterious ways, Oh Lord,_ the nun prayed.

_Wheelchair is ridiculously powerful. I don't know how he escaped my notice or that of Tomoe-san for an entire year. Perhaps he had been hiding his powers until last night?_

_If so, what prompted him to send his underlings after Tomoe-san-san? She couldn't have discovered them since she seemed surprised to run into 'Red.'_

_Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way. Tomoe-san didn't find them; they found her. She had been alone for a week. She sent Yuuno off somewhere. 'Wheels' probably thought she would be vulnerable._

_But why did he take an entire week to strike? Scrya and his pals arrived just in time to save Tomoe-san._

_Maybe Wheelchair erred out of caution. I'd be on my guard against a flying Saint class magician who spams Grand spells like they were Black Keys._

_Or maybe Wheelchair is a rookie. He should have sensed my magic when we met just now. But he didn't react. And I don't think he's pretending to be ignorant. At least I hope he isn't. That means he bluffs better than Dad. And that's terrifying._

_His companion isn't human. The guy felt like a familiar or a spirit, something fast and furious and furry. A dog, I think? No,_ she reevaluated,_ he's more like a wolf, a dire wolf who left the pack because he was too big and powerful and vicious to control._

_So that makes one magician, one familiar, and three minor magicians at the very least._

_As usual, the odds are against me._

The nun frowned at the half-eaten apple in her hand. While she was proud of her capabilities and sure of her skills, she was also a realist and a pragmatist. A single magician was a dangerous foe in the best of circumstances. What more one surrounded by his entire retinue?

And she still lacked her most powerful defensive spell. Her Walking Church had been dispelled entirely by accident. And the events of the preceding year kept her too busy to return home and renew her Walking Church's consecration.

Still, the loss served to remind her of the need to fight smarter. And fighting multiple outsider magicians in her handicapped state was so stupid that it counted as suicide, a mortal sin.

_Caren-oneechan will never let me hear the end of it…_

Prepare for the worst while praying for the best. The Sister had already prepared a number of plans and back-up plans that maximized her advantages and covered her weaknesses. A year of prowling Mitakihara gave her a good feel for the lay of the city. She inventoried her resources, mapped out routes and ambush points, and assigned targeting priority among her potential targets.

_Worse comes to worse,_ she decided,_ I should go for the boy first. Anti-Magician Tactics 101: Cut off the head of the snake. Take the magician out of the picture, and his familiars go back to where they came from- or die of prana deprivation soon enough._

In the eye of her mind, the nun suddenly envisioned the boy slumped within his wheelchair, pinned to the back of his seat by the blade jutting from his chest.

The Sister halted in her tracks. Gone was the alluring taste of her snack's exposed white flesh. Her fingertips were bruising the red skin. With some effort she schooled herself into a calm state once more.

_No_. _No killing. I'm not going to kill anyone. I'm not my Dad. I don't get kicks from seeing other people suffer, from making them suffer. I haven't killed anyone. I don't need to kill people._

_Besides,_ the nun thought,_ the boy might not know about the fine print of the pact. He might have been tricked into entering a contract with these familiars. And if it was a Daemon… worse, if it was __**that**__ Daemon…_

.

**Years Ago**

_"The destruction of Atlantis. The burning of Rome. The obliteration of Pompeii. The fall of Camelot. The _Marie Celeste_. The sinking of the _Titanic_. The explosion at Tunguska. The nuclear disasters of Chernobyl and Fukushima. The Chelyabinsk meteor. All these disasters were wrought by one particular Daemon."_

_The ancient priest swept his severe gaze across the gaggle of nuns-in-training present for his lecture._

_"This most insidious of the Daemons often takes the form of a charming cat. It always targets girls like you." He pointed at an unnerved student. "And you." His finger moved to rebuke a second girl. "And you."_

_His final target was one of his two star pupils. She was not only unaffected by his intimidation, but also completely familiar with his topic._

_"Describe its modus operandi," he prompted her._

_She stood up. "This Daemon offers a wish to a victim," the girl answered. "If the victim enters into a contract with it, she gains infernal powers that ultimately debase her soul. When a victim has been completely corrupted, the Daemon sacrifices her in a black ritual which summons another Daemon called a Witch."_

_"And what is this Daemon Prince called?" the priest prodded the girl's seatmate and best friend._

_"It goes by many names." The blue-haired trainee began reciting examples. "Legion. The White Devil. White Primate Murder. Incubator. Kyubey."_

_The priest returned the pressure of his attention to the first girl. "But what is its true name?" he rattled off._

_She did not hesitate. She felt no fear; she feared no evil. Daemons could claim the unwary or the incomplete. But a true woman such as herself could flinch away its embrace for she was stalwart and girded her soul with the armor of contempt, a shield proof against blandishments._

_"Satan the Deceiver."_

.

_He's innocent until proven guilty,_ the nun thought. An ounce of prevention equaled a pound of cure.

_I'll capture him. Force him to break the contract with his familiars. Or make him sign a magical contract to stop using magic. Or beat him up until I kill his illusion about magic being the solution to everything._

Pleased at having arrived at a nonlethal solution to her main dilemma, she turned her intellect upon another problem that currently plagued her.

"It's so hot..."

Throwing back the hood of her habit unleashed her lengthy mane. She gathered that thick mass of russet hair and secured it into a ponytail using elastic.

"That's much better." The nun sighed in relief now that her head and neck felt cooler. "Now, where was that hospital where Kamijou-kun is recuperating? He's going to like these apples…"

It was the least she could do for the boy who continued to aid her despite constantly getting injured in the bargain. And she would need his aid and his power, a power that could recreate the miracles of God, if she was to succeed in her self-appointed mission of keeping Mitakihara peaceful.

With this firmly in mind, Sister Kyouko Kotomine went on her merry way to find and fuss over He Who Was Above God.

.

**To Be Continued**

.

**Fan Wank Character's Notes**

Kyouko flashed an ingenuous smile at the readers. "Did I surprise you?" she chuckled.

"Your identity was an open secret to anyone who watched your centric episodes in canon Madoka or bothered to look up the lyrics in Google," Haruhi muttered.

"I think they would be more interested in Kamijou-kun," Airi opined.

"Kamijou-kun was almost as obvious as her," interjected Haruhi. "Your 'master' is going to break his fan base if he's going to add A Certain Imagine Breaker Boy to this story."

"Only the surname of Kamijou has been confirmed as of now," Airi said. "He could still be Kyousuke Kamijou from Madoka."

"Sheo hates Kyousuke because of what happened to Sayaka," Haruhi reminded her. "And only That Boy merits a lofty translation of his surname."

"Their surnames are written the same. And this Kamijou-kun's power is specifically described to be the **recreation** of miracles, not the **negation** of miracles like That Boy," Airi pointed out.

"Gah, we're getting nowhere…" Haruhi turned on the Sister. "Hey, what is Kamijou's first name?" she demanded.

"I couldn't refer to Kamijou-kun by his first name," was the glib response. "That would be disrespectful of me."

"Stop playing coy!" Haruhi snapped. "Your stepsister is the troll, not you!"

"If you cosplay Sayaka in the disclaimer of the next chapter," offered the nun, her voice dripping with honey, "I'll grant your deep, dark desire, Suzumiya-san."

"Denied," Haruhi immediately refused. "I'm bisexual, but you're not my type!"

Airi looked thoughtful. "Give me an 'O'?" she asked.

Kyouko grinned at her fellow redhead. "There is one 'O'," she revealed.

"Don't turn this into a game of twenty questions!" Haruhi raged.

"It's Wheel of Fortune, not Twenty Questions," Airi said.

Kyouko shrugged before getting back to business. "This is the last chapter of Demon Cannon Girl that Sheo will post as part of The Many Lives of Mami Tomoe," she announced. "The rest of DCG will be posted in a standalone fic.

"In addition, there were supposed to be more Omake. But Sheo realized at the last minute that those two Omake –which made for 2,000 words total– had a lot of promise in them. So he decided to expand them into full-fledged standalone fics, which he will release in good time."

"Oh, great," Haruhi muttered. "At this rate, that dumbass will never continue Not Quite What I Expected, much less actually finish it…"

"Please enjoy the Omake," Airi bid.

.

**Omake!**

_Take Your Child To Work Day_

Ciel stared at the youngest member of the joint Anglican-Roman Catholic kill team. After the pony-tailed redhead wearing a nun-in-training outfit glared back at her, the Burial Agent turned to her Anglican counterpart.

"Father Kotomine, why did you bring your daughter with you tonight?"

"It's Take Your Child To Work Day," was his diffident reply.

"That's not a reason to bring a child to a Dead Apostle hunt," Ciel scolded.

Kirei thought it over. "She also has homework requiring her to write an essay on what her parents do for a living," he revealed. "It is reputed to be a matter of life and death."

"Stupid Despair-sensei," Kyouko grumbled to herself. "I wish he ends up in a harem full of yandere girls who were donors of a girl who was even more yandere for him…"

She gave Ciel a hopeful look. "I don't suppose you can spare me a Scripture or a Black Key, Sister Ciel? I know how to transform a Scripture into a Black Key," Kyouko explained, "But Dad's being stingy with his spares and I once caught him muttering about how I can serve as bait..."

For all she acted cold and logical while slaying vampires, Ciel was at heart still the gentle baker girl Elesia from long ago. "I don't think you understand, Kyouko-chan," she began. "It's dangerous here-"

"I'll trade you an apple for it," Kyouko tempted her.

"It's a curry-coated apple," Kirei added.

Sighing as she handed a spear-shaped Black Key to the delighted Kyouko in exchange for said spicy treat, Ciel consoled herself with the thought that at least Kirei wasn't a perverted pedophile priest from a hentai game.

That positive thought survived until the ensuing free-for-all between the Anglican-Catholic joint strike force, a separate all-Catholic team of zealots led by Paladin Alexander Anderson, the vampire hunters of the Mage Association headed by that stuck-up aristocrat Lorelei Barthomeloi, Altrouge Brunestud and her coterie of Dead Apostle Ancestors, the last True Ancestor a.k.a that bitch Arcuied, a surprise appearance by the _miko_ of the Shrovetide (who was technically a vampire,) and Tohno-kun.

.

"Best field trip ever," Kyouko concluded at the bedside of the object of her sick visit.

"How unfortunate," she was told.

.

"Damn it, Sheo!" screeched Haruhi. "Stop being vague and just say which Kamijou it is!"

.

**Omake!**

_The Thirteenth Annual Emiya-Kotomine Get-Together-Like-Cats-And-Dogs_

…announced the banner gripped by Sella and Leysritt.

"Emiya."

"Kotomine."

The respective aces of the clans glared at each other.

"FOR EVULZ!" declared Kirei, who lunged forward with two handfuls of Black Keys.

"FOR JUSTICE!" grunted out Kiritsugu as he double-wielded his Calico and Thompson Contender guns gangster-style.

Kyouko resolutely refused to look at them. "I don't know them," she told herself over and over again.

"No fighting," Shirou Emiya plaintively begged.

"You two need to relax." Caren Hortensia Kotomine nonchalantly enjoyed a box of popcorn and a bottle of soda held by the happily-henpecked Avenger.

"Get him, Dad/Kiritsugu!" Momo Sakura Kotomine and Illyasviel von Einzbern cheered their fathers while glaring at each other.

"Kirei is so hot," groaned Claudia Hortensia and Kyouko's mother.

"Kiritsugu is so manly," Shirley, Natalya Kaminski, Irisviel von Einzbern, and Taiga Fujimura moaned.

Not willing to be outdone by his son, Risei Kotomine flexed all his muscles at once. His garment was instantly torn to shreds, leaving him shirtless and showing off his very muscular physique. Every Command Spell on his body glowed.

"These muscles were passed down the Kotomine line for generations!" Risei declared.

"GRANDPA!" Kyouko shrieked while trying not to claw out her eyes. "PUT A SHIRT ON, FOR THE LOVE OF GODOKA!"

"That is the end of this war," the blank-eyed Shirou was telling himself. "That is the responsibility I took when I swore to be a Hero of Justice. It is the first price I have to pay to become my ideal. There's no need to talk about the obvious outcome." He absently brought up his hands, which would never hold anything despite creating over a thousand blades, and prayed. "Shirou Emiya will turn his mind to steel, and become a Hero of Justice…"

"No," growled Jubstacheit 'Acht' von Einzbern, much to the relief of the heterosexual male readers.

Lancer tried to sidle away as innocently as possible for a lanky man in blue tights. But the deliberate lack of suspicious movement on his part only served to attract a bushel of Black Keys and an Origin Bullet to his forehead.

"I hate you, Sheo Darren," the Servant cursed before expiring into golden sparkles.

"Oh, my God!" gasped Bazett McRemitz. "They killed Lancer!"

"You bastard," Homura Akemi muttered.

Everyone stared at the Puella Magi, who stood out like the third Madoka movie.

"Sheo saw the doujin where Kiritsugu handed me a grenade," Homura explained.

"Oh." Everyone nodded. They also politely ignored the giant black wings of corrosion jutting from Homura's back.

"Continue to entertain me, mongrels," Gilgamesh gloated.

Saber kicked him in the shin.

.

In Sheo's long-forgotten Gundam Seed Destiny fan fiction The Miss Seed Destiny Pageant, Shin Asuka screeched. "THAT HURT! DAMN YOU, KING ARTHUR!" he ranted. "I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU DEAD!"

Festum-Mayu could not pout, sigh, or smack him with a paper fan. Life as a xenophobic silicon-based alien was suffering for aspiring tsukkomi.

Oh, wait. She **could** fire a micro black hole at him or assimilate him into the Festum collective.

.

**BAD END**

.

"CURSE YOU, DIKEIDO! THIS IS YOUR FAULT SOMEHOW!"

.

**up next!**

_story eleventh_

They called it the Reign of Fire…


End file.
